should I try to be extroverted or should I light myself on fire?

i don't know why this is here but i'm going to leave it.

So. Last night I went to Target for one thing (I can just hear all the women in the world laughing right now). It's always an exercise in self-control. As soon as I see the red signs in the clothing section, I give up hope. You'll be proud (?) to know that I went in for a folder-organizer-thingy (a.k.a a plastic accordion that sadly does not make music), and not only came out with that, but just one shirt, and a beanie. And two notebooks. But they had mEtallic STRIPES on them?!!! It's not a question. Just me making excuses. I go through journals fast, okay?

Whilst I was in Target, I had a #peopleofwalmart experience. This is rare because how can you have a People of Wal-Mart experience in Target?! Or any other store for that matter.... Well, the thing is, the people of Wal-Mart are actually just people, and they can shop wherever the heck they want to. Last night, two of them were in the delicates section at Target. BT-dubs, I am not talking about deli meat when I say "delicates."

*Sidenote. I once went to a Battle of the Sexes thing in my singles ward. They did a "what he said, what she said" poll, in which they asked boys questions only girls would know the answers to, and vice versa. Well, one of the questions they asked the boys was "Where would you find delicates in a store?" And some of them actually answered "At the deli." ?????????????

Okay, so back to People of Wal-Mart, or People of Earth Who Ride in Motorized Wheelchairs But Definitely Don't Need To But They Are Deliberately Doing So In Order to Patronize Others Who Are Just Using Their Poor Exposed Legs to Walk Around.

Yes. Two people, a couple, were riding in those motorized chairs, in the delicates section, but were not riding around very delicately, if you know what I am saying. I saw at least three people almost get run over/backed into by this couple, who were simultaneously running into every clothing rack they could and spouting "ARE THESE SOCKS ON SALE HEY HEY ARE THESE ON SALE!" Not a question. Just a declaration to whichever employee dared to come close. BANG. There goes another clothing rack. Or was that a small child....?

I tried to maneuver myself around them so I could go look at the tights, because the two of them were (quite awkwardly) blocking the walkway, and the man pushed "reverse" at the same time the woman pushed "drive" and yEAH it was a SITUATION. I saw my life flash before my eyes, and tried to summon my Eagle powers to get the heck out of there, but they had me trapped between their sweatpants-wearing legs. HEllllllpPPP.

I said a small prayer and tried to jump out from between them, and banged myself into a clothing rack (#irony), and the lady actually glared at me, but since I am trying to be more patient with persons in general, I summoned my most awkward tooth-smile and squeezed myself between the clothing rack and her motorized chair, while she continued to glare, and her husband/brother/fellow gang-member buzzed away matter-of-factly. Did you know you could buzz away matter-of-factly? I didn't, until I saw this guy do it.

Well then, in an effort to redeem myself for wanting to use a flamethrower on this particular couple (only in my head, not in real life, geez. I don't even own a flamethrower), I tried to compliment the girl who rang me out. She looked like she was having a bad day.

I complimented her on her headband. She said nothing. Didn't even look at me. This awkwardness caused the other people in line to look at me, though, and so I pretended I had been talking to myself instead. You know, pep-talks. Do you ever give yourself pep-talks? Out loud? In public?

Then I saw her hearing aid and realized she was deaf and so I took my bag and ran for the door. I probably looked a little something like this.

hashtag awkward.

Don't shop alone, kids. It's not safe. Not for me. Not for you. Not for anybody. Awkward people unIIIIIte.