wassup, wassup, my back hurts 'n stuff

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word to whoever made this: I dunno what kind of realtor you are but stop making creepy images on the internet. Sincerely, Me. 

Rachel. RB Money Bags. This one. Is. For You.

So it was a Friday night (I think. Actually maybe this was yesterday, which was Saturday. Two hours naps are NO joke you guys). Rachie was snappin' me some chats and kindly requested that I blog something funny for her. So I'm gonna do something I don't do very often. My best.

Once upon a time my computer got horchata spilled on it (not by me...I bet you thought I was drinking horchata in bed. False.). Now whenever it feels like it (which is a lot), the screen goes into crazy mode and chops everything up into little pieces, and starts scrolling forever. It's really entertaining and makes me laugh, while simultaneously making me want to dropkick my computer.

A brief list of other things I want to dropkick:

• Girl razors. Who invented these? They're worthless. I'd rather use a serrated knife. Wait. No. But I do use men's razors. Does anyone feel uncomfortable yet? PUHFECT. I'm doing my job.
• The pain in my back which will not cease and desist and I'm all like "BACK PAIN I WAS SAVING YOU FOR OLD AGE AND I'M SORRY BUT 23 IS NOT 'OLD AGE' PLEASE GO BACK IN YOUR NEANDERTHAL CAVE AND HIDE UNTIL I'M READY FOR YOU KBYE!!!"
• Slushy driving conditions. Okay, so you've all heard enough about the weather because of facebook because I'm sorry but nobody needs the Weather Channel or even the weather app on their phones as long as we have facebook. But okay, I love the snow and how it turns everything white and pretty and also how it makes everything quiet. But then I'm supposed to DRive IN It?! Ha. HaAH. You should've seen me the other day trying to stop at a stoplight. I was at least 100 feet away and already pumpin my breaks, pumpin 'em loud (Black Eyed Peas reference, EW). I came to the realization (in slow-mo) that I wasn't going to be able to stop for the red light. Nope. Nope nope nope. So I just half-closed my eyes and braced myself for what was about to come, and my car was sliding and sliding and I was like "just pretend you're in Cool Runnings and you're Jamaican" and then my car stopped, about 5 feet after the stop line but SRSLY. Who prayed for me that day? 
• The song "Santa Baby." This clip sums it up perfectly. PERF-ly. 
• The awkward look that a certain guy gave me while I was drivin' past him on the freeway the other day. Okay, so yeah, making eye contact with people while driving is #1, Unsafe, and #2, Uncomfortable. So why do we do it? Why do people drink Sunny D when orange juice exists? Anyway, I looked over at him because he'd been tailgating me and then sped over to the next lane, so I was going to give him a good Muppet face and he just looked over at me and WInked?! I was like "Ummmm nooooooo no you did NOt." And then he sped off. What is it with people  men and winking at me? Why am I cursed? *you can ask me about this in person but yeah, it's a REAL curse, circa 2010.
• The bottom of a chip bag. It's so depressing. You know how on webpages there's infinite scroll? Well someone should invent that, but for bags of chips. 
• Dis book. Dis book and I have a love/hate relationship. I actually did dropkick it once, because I got to a certain part and it made me gasp and then came the dropkick and then I was all "What in the world! Why do people climb Mt. Everest? Who thought this was a good plan?! The same person that invented those packs of gum with only 6 pieces of gum in them apparently!" Wait, no that can't be accurate because the 6-gum packs came way after people were climbing Everest....well ANYway I just...gosh! This book gives me nightmares but I can't stop reading it. Someone take it away from me. Kbye.

it's 2013, people. What a world.