Where I Went, And What Happened To Me When I Got There (in other words, every blog post ever written by anybody)

somebody recently told me I look Asian and asked me if I had Asian ancestry..???

I went to a concerto (are you guys bored of hearing about all the shows I go to because I'm not bored). It was in a sketchmeister part of town, like most good concerts are. We drove past a group of hobos, which made me mega-depressed and a little bit scared because I used to live in Mexico so I trained myself to cross the street whenever I saw vagabundos because they were almost always drunk and in a following-mood. SO I said that and Trent goes, "If I was a bum, I would have the most pimpin' shopping cart. Totally hipster." And then all was well in Zion Trent's truck.

yay concerts. we stood in the front row and I photobombed some 15 year olds. Man I wish I had a copy of that snapchat. :''(

Trent (I honestly can't think of a caption but if you know him I think his name will suffice)

I went to a wedding reception. Upon arriving, I was immediately set up with a boy who showed up a few minutes later. Judging by the amount of stares he threw in my direction, I deduced he had also been informed about me. OOF. So then I left my phone on the other side of the table for 10 measly minutes, and some other guy who shall not be named (mostly because I don't know his name) stole my phone and took selfies with it. I call them "The Subtle Sandwich Selfies" now. He was apparently trying to get a picture of the boy behind him, who was my almost-husband. This almost-husband saw these weird pics of himself on a Strange Girl's Phone (that's me). 

Almost-husbands are kind of rare these days. I dunno what I'd blog about without them, though. He gave me a very strange look like, "Yo, why didn't you just talk to my face instead of employing this boy to get some not-so-subtle pictures of me?" Spoiler alert: I did not leave this reception with anybody's phone number except the Self-Help Hotline's (which also happens to be the number for Taco Time).

There's 5 pictures like this on my phone. Should I frame them? 

I went to the new Bruges Waffle place on Center Street. And now we interrupt this broadcast to ruminate briefly on the hell-hole that is Center Street.

• Center Street has no left turn lanes. But what do people do when they have to turn left? They awkwardly get in the middle of the road past the median, where pedestrians sometimes decide to use nonexistent crosswalks. #bless
• The speed limit is 15 MPH, which is the same speed limit in residential areas AROUND SUPER CURVY CURVES IN THE ROAD. Ok?
• Center Street is flanked with parking, and also parking right down the middle, so good luck maneuvering your large vehicle down that road. Ha. Haha! And you thought it was for driving!
• Center Street contains almost all the good restaurants in Provo, hence why I go there. Also, Pioneer Book. But I prefer to bike there so I can maintain my Hipster title. You know?

So I'm sitting on Center Street right in front of Gloria's Italian Restaurant (apparently it is very tasty). Gloria's is muy popular and so there were lots of witnesses to this awful crime. The crime that shall be known as #JERRYWAYNE forevermore.

He was in a huge truck, he backed right into Falcor, Caitlyn banged on her window cuz she was about to get crushed, I honked my horn that I found out doesn't work in that moment (I mean), his truck was actually lifted up by the force of my car because my car is really a tank, and I think I started laughing hysterically as soon as he realized he was crushing the bones of my car and almost our bodies, and did not stop laughing hysterically until my waffle sandwich had been consumed 30 minutes later.

P.S. the waffle sandwich was mediocre and not worth the 8 dollars. But I bet the dessert waffles are rockballs awesome.

I rode my bike to campus, which was beauteous of course because when is campus not? Hint: when it is covered in ice, that's when. As I rode my bike there, I crossed the street 1,356 times and almost got run over 1,356 times. One guy even flipped me off. It was glorious. I gave him my very best muppet face and rode away. I think he and Regina George will be very happy together.

Oh yeah! And I went camping.

 ...And turned my Tinder back on for a couple days. It was worth it.