of hummus and goldfish crackers (and togas, what else)

Fact.

So, funny story. A little over a week ago I was in Mexico. Yeah, that country RIGHT BELOW us! The story of how I ended up in Mexico is one of pure happenstance, but most spontaneous things I do are like that. A month ago I didn't think my Thanksgiving would consist of

a) chasing dogs down a dirt road in Mexico
b) picking up strange Mexican children off the street in Mexico (and offering them licorice. Okay this is sounding worse and worse as I type it. HE WAS GIVING US DIRECTIONS)
c) changing a busted tire on the side of the road in the dark in Mexico
d) eating turkey on the beach
e) introducing goldfish crackers to the Mexican people (they loved them, duh)

Here is my tip for driving in Mexico:

Sorry for the lack of apostrophe. I didn't make that image because who has time to make the pictures for their blog???? Definitely not this human (*points to self*).

We did so many cool projects. My eyes were opened nice and wide to the poverty which most of the world lives in. The sad part is that these people don't really know what they're missing out on. Maybe that's better, I don't know. But it would be so frustrating to live in a Mexican resort town in a shanty village and to see the fancy hotels down the road. The hardest/most fulfilling part for me was giving away our leftover food to the homeless. This was the food that probably most Americans would waste (brown bananas, stale rolls, etc), but they were so, so grateful for it. In fact, the kids were clamoring for the manzanas (apples) like they were grilled cheese. It broke my heart but also filled it up at the same time. To see true gratitude on Thanksgiving was the best way I could've spent that holiday.

Also, did you know that traveling for 30-something hours with perfect strangers will either make them your BFF or your worst enemy? DID YOU?! Everyone knows that when you're dating someone who you think is the one, there are one of two tests you can perform: the long hike test and the long road trip test. Both must be long, so you can see a) what their taste in music is like b) how they act after being trapped in a confined space for a long time or c) how they act after physical exertion and no sleep (long hike test, waddup). Also, you get to see them with pretty much no makeup/no shower/no change of clothes ever. #marriage or #breakup ???

My Christmas wish is to go on a road trip with someone who has the exact same taste in music as I do. PLZ BLESS, SANTA. PLZ BLESS.

I'll be real widchu, pretty much errybody on this trip became my BFF. Kenzie was already my Bacon And Eggs, but I think the real hero of this trip was Skylar SomeCoolMiddleName Call. Ps Skylar what's your middle name..? I know everybody on the trip knows my middle name now, because Alejandro insisted on calling me by that name instead of my first name because Kenzie has the same name and calling us by numbers was too easy. 

And now this post shall turn into Shiz Skylar Says: (heheh you didn't know I wrote it all down did you)

"Oh...he just a got a picture of my butt. Good thing I accentuated it."

Me: Skylar why are you looking at us through the seat hole.

Skylar: You can do anything with a beard and it's weird.

Kenzie: So, it's 3 o'clock, we're driving to Arizona, and your dream girl calls you up and says she wants to get married tonight, but it has to go down before midnight. Who is it? What do you do? What will everyone wear?

Skylar: Well, obviously it would be Nicole Margarine (name has been changed to protect the innocent). And Morgan Freeman would officiate the wedding.

Kenz: Do you know Morgan Freeman? How do you have the hookups?

Skylar: {ignores question} Oh yeah and Bill Murray HAS to be at my wedding. He shows up at people's weddings all the time.

Kenz: What! But how do you know these guys?

Skylar: BILL MURRAY IS COMING TO MY WEDDING.

Kenz: Okay, okay and what about Nicole? What's she gonna wear?

Skylar: Well, she'd wear a toga, because togas look good on everybody.

Everyone in the car: ......

Skylar: And she'd wear one of those Caesar rings on her head, you know with the flowers? And her dress would have the interwoven stringy things. And I want twizzles in her hair.

Kenz: Twizzles?

Me: You mean like crimped hair?

Skylar: Twizzles.

#twizzles

Skylar: And we'd go to a private island on a boat. And we'd have a private skipper.

Me: What's a private skipper?

Skylar: Just an exclusive captiain of our ship. And he'd take us to an island, probably around Seattle. And THERE WOULD BE HORSES. Everyone has to be on a horse.

Me: Including Morgan Freeman.

Skylar. Yes.

Kenz: Who would the photographer be?

Skylar: Oh we'd just wear GoPros on our foreheads.

Kenz: I'd be pissed if my husband did that.

Skylar, in the car randomly one day: My mom won't let me go running on the mountain because she thinks people will think I'm a crazy person and I'll get shot.

Me: It's your beard.

Kenz: Want some hummus?

Skylar: Maybe a little.... {pause} Heheh yeah right (A PERFECT SUMMARY OF SKYLAR, YO)

Skylar: I was born on Harriet Tubman's birthday.

Me: Did you know that Harriet Tubman is E.T.'s doppelganger?

Robbie: Doppel-what?!

*everybody having a deep discussion about something in the car*

Skylar interrupts with: Ooh, that is an old wall.

Maybe all of these are pointless to you who do not know Skylar, but now you'll want to know him. And that definitely was not really the point of this post. 

Happy THANKSGIVINGZZZZZ. 

 

post-flat tire incident

probably my favorite picture from the whoooole trip.

The view.

Putting in insulation=ITCHY ALL UP IN EVERY CREVICE, YO

"Don't they have sand in Alabama?!" 

google translate it. or don't, I'm not the boss of you.

I get why raisins are made in California now

On Saturday I was at the beach. It was incredibly hawt. I spell it like that because 1, I have a college degree and therefore I'm allowed to sound like I don't, and 2, there was a surfing competition going on and, well....it was hawt. Ya dig?

I was foolish and didn't wear a swimsuit because I wasn't planning on swimming. Look. I grew up going to the Oregon coast every summer, and nobody swims in that water unless they're wearing a full body wetsuit. But in California, people lay out on the sand and get skin cancer??? With swimsuits on. They never actually get in the water. This is a thing! Well, I got a nice sprinkle of freckles on my face and legs, and saw some dolphins, which reminded me to shave my legs later, and saw some cool surfing tricks all while getting shriveled up by the sun. Conclusion: California is an excellent place to turn grapes into raisins (it's not a metaphor).

Here is what it's like to road trip with my younger siblings. The scene is thus: we're trapped in an enclosed space for 10 hours. Ellie has to empty her bladder every hour or so. They need snacks every 20 minutes. I bring all my library books and a box of Dramamine. We play the license plate game for a measly 10 minutes until one of them cheats and the whole game goes down the tubes.

I started to write this in my phone somewhere between Nevada and California, and welp. That's all I have to say. WELP.

Bad Ideas I Have Executed & Then Immediately Regretted Thereafter

1. Eating no less than four (that's right, FOUR) whole wheat muffins on a road trip to California [this very road trip, as it turns out], far from any rest stop.
2. Jumping off of my best friend's trampoline onto a "tower" of silky pillows because I thought it would be like a waterless slip-n-slide. That was the 14th sprained ankle of my childhood and also the worst. My mother made me take crutches to church, which was just about the most humiliating thing for a 12-year-old girl. Don't forget the orthopedic socks. Er...sock. It was all wrapped up in a nice Single 5ever Package. Although nowadays if I had crutches, I'd milk it. As I mentioned in my last post, I don't get embarrassed easily.
3. Creating a Spanglish email address for myself in 10th grade which would follow me into oblivion, or at least the age of 25. My dad likes to pronounce it incredibly poorly, just so I know how foolish I look to universities and banks. "Pelly-Ree-Jo-Jo-Runner." To be clear, I'm not a male redhead and I can hardly call myself a runner. /end
4. Stalking a friend of a friend of a friend (bless the internet for giving me this capability) and then accidentally liking one of his pictures which was 58 weeks old. The fear I have of repeating this mistake is only equal to the fear I have when I'm locked out of my apartment, my bladder is full, and my keys are buried at the bottom of my purse. These fears are real and are not to be challenged.
5. Listening to the song "Taxi Driver" at least 50 times in a row so I could memorize the lyrics and impress my friends at a birthday party I was going to (you don't have to listen to it, guyz, but really, the entire song is made up of band names, so that's cool). I actually walked around the block where the party was being held like 5 times, the song on heavy rotation, until I'd burned all the words into my brain. I mean, I know the lyrics now and that's great but I can't add that to my resume. And the only memorable thing about that birthday party was the cake made of doughnuts. Bless it. 

Things we said to each other while on this trippity-trip ("we" mostly meaning Ellie):

Ellie spilled a bunch of pencil shavings all over her seat, and said to my bro: "Don't talk to me now, I'm in crisis!"

My dad was channel surfing in our motel the first night and kept landing on novelas (Spanish soap operas). He paused on an especially flamboyant one and my mom said "I can feel a swear coming on..."

We drove through a wicked rainstorm between St. George and Arizona. Most people were pulled over with their hazard lights on, but my dad kept plowing through. The lightning and thunder were so intense that at one point Ellie said "Can we please turn on a movie?! When I'm doing something other than lightning I'm like 'YAYY!'" Lightning is a verb now, you animals.

My parents were discussing where the nearest Costco was so they could get gas. Ellie chimed in from the backseat: "Hey! Hey guys we should go to Costco and get smoothies. I mean since you guys are talking about Costco."

Caleb started to spit for no reason. Well, I guess he's a 12-year-old boy, so that's reason enough. Mom said "Cal why are you spitting?" {silence} "NO SPITTING!" Familiezzzz.

Ellie, to my mother: "Mom, just put some chips in this cap." {As she extends her upside down baseball hat to my mom} 

"No. I'm not going to put food in something you'll put on your head later."

But everyone knows Ellie rarely wears hats. She basically uses them for storage purposes, the same way she's used anything with a concave opening since the age of two. 

Ellie, on the way home (we were all on our last legs, mentally, if you know what I mean): "Can we just throw Caleb out the window?" 

But really. We did have a good time. Lest you think the entire trip was like that. Just don't put us in a car for very long or we'll start muttering death threats and throwing Cheez-Its (the second thing actually did happen).