let's make tears come out their eyes (censored edition)

*cue the Mmm Whatcha Say song*

Yeah I'm never gonna get over that one.

**I really was not going to post this but then Caitlyn, my roommate, read it and she was laughing real hard and said it was her favorite ever so I decided to just heavily censor it for the sake of those who may read it and you're welcome, Happy President's Day, etc.**

Written on Feb 14th at 11pm-ish
I have been sitting here in my bed try'na cry for like 15 minutes. I got a little choked up when I read a certain passage in a favorite book, but no tears came.

So then I tried listening to Ben Howard, which usually does the trick.

Nothing.

I know that this post is going to be one of those that never gets published, not ever, because like ten of my relatives will text me saying "YO IS EVERYTHING OK WIDCHU..??? LET US SEND AN AMBULANCE TO YOUR PLACE OF DWELLING REMOVE ALL RAZORS FROM THE PREMISES."

Naaaahhh. No publish for you, little blog post. You're going to be in draft limbo for the rest of your life. But don't worry, it's not like Catholic limbo. They feed you refreshments here and make sure you get a foot rub every once in a while. I don't know who "they" are, but hey, it's my blog, and goshdangit there WILL be refreshments and foot rubs.

I feel nauseated because I ate gelato. It was supposed to be my Valentine's day treat for myself.
Strike 1: I got it at Wal-Mart
Strike 2: It's gelato
Strike 3: I have no gallbladder
Strike 4: Which brings us back to strike 2

And then I tried to watch this ridiculous Netflix show (Netflix show implies that it was never on TV, but I think it was, who even knows, do people still watch TV...????), which gave me nightmarish ideas about my neighborhood, particularly because my neighborhood is not the best, and I have to walk quite a distance to my car every day, which makes me sweat nervously every day. That's a lot of sweating. A LOT OF PERSPIRATION.

Why do I feel the need to capitalize things sometimes, when I'm writing, like I have to yell at whoever I'm writing to? WHOM*ever. Huh. See, maybe I'm just correcting myself. And yelling at myself.

Anyway back to this crying biznat. Why am I trying to cry? Well, I haven't had a good cry in about a week or so. Maybe more. It's probably this new birth control, which used to make me feel like my heart was leaping out of my chest every chance it got only to get stomped on by anyone and everything. Red light? Crying. Picture of a kitten? Inconsolable. Best friend doesn't text me for a month? Forget about it. *Rex from Napoleon Dynamite voice* FUHGET ABOUT IT But now it's pulling a 180 and I am an emotionless dumpster.

Grievances that I want to cry about but cannot bc apparently I'm emotionally constpiated rN:

1. Arrow Season 3 isn't on Netflix and Hulu Plus only shows 5 eps at a time so I'm like 10 episodes behind, so what is the point of you Hulu Plus? Huh? WAT IS THE POINT OF YOU
2. the apartment smells like brownies cuz it's Valentine's Day but those brownies ain't for me, ya dig?
3. my back has needed to be popped ever since I tried to pop it like 2 months ago
4. *insert anonymous person's name here*
5. YEAH *person*you make me wanna punch holes in walls like 80% of the time, let's just go back to being nothing friends who never knew the other person existed
6. UGH MY EMOTIONZ
7. I wonder when somebody else will ever read this. It feels like one of those cool undersea animals that lives so deep under the ocean that nobody has ever laid eyes on it but YOU K N O W those exist. u knoe
8. Why am I spelling everything like I never got a degree in English?????? That def makes me wanna cry.
9. Every day I want to quit my life more and move somewhere not Utah.
10. There's a freakin salt shaker by my bed..oh my gosh who AM I
11. I don't like the word "freakin" but sometimes that's all there is to say
12. AGAIN with the comments that make me sound like I'm not/never was an English major
13. I want to unfriend some of my friends in real life
14. But then I won't have friends...
15. And I'll feel guilty. Because I have two x chromosomes or whatever.
16. That stupid gelato, I'll get you for this Wal-Mart!
17. My feet are uncommonly cold for someone who is always wearing tons of layers. Except right now because I'm wearing shorts. But it's February. So what if the weather is bipolar. Sowhatwhocares.
18. Let's make that one word, homies. Let's stop putting spaces between things. Like words and people and people and animals. I sound insane. 
19. At 11:11 pm I am going to stop writing this. Start the countdown.
20. Oh geez that means I have like 3 minutes left I don't think I can stay in this position for much longer seriously my back is in the shape of a seal right now...? You know what I mean, like when a seal arches its back?
21. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THAT MOVIE CALLED ARCHIE OR ARROW OR ARCH-HEAD OR ARCHIBALD OR ARNIE?? It was from the 90's and it was about a seal.
22. Oh it was called Andre. Not anything like what I just said.
23. Only 60 seconds left....I just had a flashback to the time in math class in 13th grade when we were having opening prayer and Liz left her Photobooth open and took a pic of us praying and I was very serious in the picture and she was being so irreverent and I wish I had that picture still because if I did it would be on my wall somewhere 
24. MARK
25. MY
26. WORDS
27. I regret saying "freakin" earlier. 

So much for this being censored.