questions and no answers

Uterus: Psssst...hey...you're not pregnant.
Uterus: Hey guess what ur still not pregnant, you better get on that.
Uterus: I made an egg for you aren't I nice, now hurry up and do something about it
Uterus: STILLNOTPREGNANT
Uterus: Get pregnant or else.
Uterus: Ok I guess you picked "or else"
*kills you slowly for 7 days*

I still don't know anything about grad school. By that I mean I don't know if I've gotten into any of the places I applied. Was that terrible grammar? It was, wasn't it.

I still don't know precisely who I am going to turn out to be. Sometimes I'll have an inkling, a small glimpse of maybe what Heavenly Father sees in me, but admittedly, I'll get too afraid and look away. I'll think "Oh man, could life really be that awesome? Could I make it so? Could I beeeee that person?" And Satan interjects with something called fear and I rip my toes out of the water as quickly as I dipped them in. Dippin' and rippin'. That's gonna be the tag on my business card.

I still don't know if winter is done being winter, and we're getting an early spring. It's nice, driving with the windows down again. Driving up the canyon whenever I get a chance and breathing in that mountain smell which really butters my biscuit. BUTTERS IT. At the same time, I'm not looking forward to a dry summer. Dry summer=fire. Maybe this summer there will be more than one kind of fire. You know? I can dig those kinds.

(doesanybodyknowwhati'mtalkingaboutstill)

I don't know why the moon looks sort of sad when it's going down
I don't know why I'm always cold (probably hormonies)
I don't know why watching videos of my younger siblings when they were babies makes me lose it
I don't know why I keep having dreams about things happening and then they happen
I don't know what any of that means, or if it should mean anything
I don't know why J.K. Rowling decided to kill off one twin and not the other one too, because that was cruel
I don't know how I could be in a room with hundreds of other people at a concert and feel like I was the only one there
I don't know why I'm perpetually writing poetry in my head

I can't know all the answers, at least not now. I'm not worried about knowing everything all at once. I'm trying to be grateful for having questions at all, and that makes them seem less stressful and painful. They become a part of me, and then soon enough, maybe I'll live my way into the answers.