one sweaty walk

95 degrees and 1.7 miles and tight jeans

One street, full of old houses, roofs caving in,

Spiral staircases and on a scale from one to ten

Every house was an eleven (as far as ghosts go)

Past the house with a fitted sheet twisting in the

Stale breeze, contributing to the gentrification

--or maybe despite it--a canal like those of my childhood

Drifts past, unassuming, ready to pull any kid

Three feet or under through

To the mushy depths. What a way to go.

Dammed up by moldy crabapples, bottle caps,

Baby ducks bobbing their heads, diving for nothing,

For oily trash! I talk to them for awhile, I ask them

What they’re doing, eating that. Their mother weakly

Paddles in place with her mouth hanging open, how did we

Come to this? Or maybe she is just hungry.

One duckling suddenly flips, the water barely moves,

Belies his instinct, but I secretly hope it’s something his

Mother taught him because he had to learn faith, too.

He had to learn disappearing into the vague deadly

Currents would only be temporary, only be dark

As he tunneled to the bottom for something only his heart

Understands--to partake of something, to hold onto it yourself,

What else is there besides that? And then he surfaces,

Shivers and shakes his feathers,

noticing me for the first time.

I helped them cross the road. And in that moment, I swear we were.. not gonna overuse that dang quote. Dangit!!!

The rest of my walk was littered with haunted houses and gated yards and flowers.

95 degrees is a cheap price to pay for such delights!-your modern day Anne Shirley

to watch

I think since marrying Houston my taste in movies has gotten a little more...snobby. Or maybe I just care more about what I consume. There it is! A better way to say that I think my movie taste is "da bayyyst."

Anyway, I watched a movie recently that I think you should, too. And no, it's not on Netflix or I think Amazon, so you'll have to find it somewhere else and *gasp* pay for it. But I think it's worth it. First, the cinematography made me a lil' weepy. Second, the score was composed by Ennio Morricone. I could end there, but third, the plot is really somethin'. Kind of Biblical. Pretty dark. But at the same time, innocent. Did I sell you on it yet?! Duh.

I couldn't decide which movie poster iteration I liked best, so you're getting both.

And if you don't like paying for movies, you can watch these two things on Netflix which had a profound effect on me for different reasons.

First: The Center Will Not Hold (a documentary about Joan Didion)

This might not be interesting to you if you've never read anything by Joan. I just finished reading her most popular book, The Year of Magical Thinking, and while it provided a good contextual background for the documentary, I don't think it was absolutely necessary. 

Disclaimer: this one is kinda for writing nerds. She talks a lot about recording your life, both the good and the bad, so that you don't forget who you are. It made me feel things. It's also about "moving on" after you lose someone you love (spoiler: you don't really move on). The last scene really made me misty-eyed.

And second, PLANET EARTH 2!! I used more than one exclamation point, so you know this is pivotal. You must watch this.

I have never yelled at my TV screen more (maybe if I was a sports fan, this wouldn't be that rare). I think I was more emotionally invested in these animal's lives than I am in my own. Whoops.

Did the swimming sloth ever find a mate?

Did the mama snow leopard ever see her daughter again?

Did the grizzly bears find food?!

Did the baby turtles ever figure out which direction the ocean was? 

Did the albatross and his mate have lots of babies?

Did the lions starve in the drought?

I can't emphasize enough how much you need to watch. My only sadness is that I probably won't get another Planet Earth until I'm almost 40, because it takes them about 10 years to gather six episodes worth of footage. But when you see this footage, you understand why.

can you believe this animal is real??? Look at that RBF.

serenity now

Penguins live the craziest lives-- you would never guess.

The very first scene in the first episode. Whaaaaaaat

I laughed so hard at this scene.

I mean....

this walk made possible by wool socks

My journaling took a sad turn in 2017. Uh, and 2016. Before grad school, I was a very diligent record-keeper. Which is a little regrettable now since I wrote in painstaking detail about every little injustice life dealt to me (getting your period on Christmas is unfortunate, but not really apocalyptic, sorry for the tear stains on the pages, and no I'm not joking about those).

So in an attempt to resurrect my memories I am leaving my mark here. I am more motivated to write when I don't care who's reading. That's the freedom of not giving a CARP about what anyone thinks of you (except your mom, hi mom!).

The other day I was waiting for the bus after work when I decided to just walk home (wow, that sentence was a ride!). It was above 30 degrees and my phone's battery was fully charged, so.

By the end of the walk I was getting choked up at the beautiful sunset. I had realized once again how small and insignificant I am in this big universe, but how little that matters to a God that loves me.