the aesthetic pleasures of "brooklyn"

The movie, not the place.

Observe:

There's nothing I love more than a movie with complementary colors. Not to mention that this one comes with a side of teary exhilaration and little fissure-like cracks on your heart.

IT'S GOOD IS WHAT I'M SAYING.

to watch

 

Occasionally I write movie reviews, but only when I care enough to shout it to the rest of the world.

Hey youuuu guuuuuyyys!

Watch this:

It's a Wes Anderson classic, and even if you're not quirky enough to like Wes Anderson, you'll like this. It's got a bit more relatable oomph, and, well, it has lines like this:

 

Fun fact: Jason Schwartzman is Robert Schwartzman's brother. Yeah, the guy you had a crush on when Princess Diaries came out.

Basic plot synopsis yawn: a high schooler involved in every extracurricular activity you can think of tries to win over one of his teachers, to sad/comical effect. Sounds weird, right? But it's not. It's just real good. And that's why you should never rely on a basic plot synopsis to tell you what a movie is about. How am I supposed to capture a feeling?!

I am the next Roger Ebert, I think.

 

to watch

I think since marrying Houston my taste in movies has gotten a little more...snobby. Or maybe I just care more about what I consume. There it is! A better way to say that I think my movie taste is "da bayyyst."

Anyway, I watched a movie recently that I think you should, too. And no, it's not on Netflix or I think Amazon, so you'll have to find it somewhere else and *gasp* pay for it. But I think it's worth it. First, the cinematography made me a lil' weepy. Second, the score was composed by Ennio Morricone. I could end there, but third, the plot is really somethin'. Kind of Biblical. Pretty dark. But at the same time, innocent. Did I sell you on it yet?! Duh.

I couldn't decide which movie poster iteration I liked best, so you're getting both.

And if you don't like paying for movies, you can watch these two things on Netflix which had a profound effect on me for different reasons.

First: The Center Will Not Hold (a documentary about Joan Didion)

This might not be interesting to you if you've never read anything by Joan. I just finished reading her most popular book, The Year of Magical Thinking, and while it provided a good contextual background for the documentary, I don't think it was absolutely necessary. 

Disclaimer: this one is kinda for writing nerds. She talks a lot about recording your life, both the good and the bad, so that you don't forget who you are. It made me feel things. It's also about "moving on" after you lose someone you love (spoiler: you don't really move on). The last scene really made me misty-eyed.

And second, PLANET EARTH 2!! I used more than one exclamation point, so you know this is pivotal. You must watch this.

I have never yelled at my TV screen more (maybe if I was a sports fan, this wouldn't be that rare). I think I was more emotionally invested in these animal's lives than I am in my own. Whoops.

Did the swimming sloth ever find a mate?

Did the mama snow leopard ever see her daughter again?

Did the grizzly bears find food?!

Did the baby turtles ever figure out which direction the ocean was? 

Did the albatross and his mate have lots of babies?

Did the lions starve in the drought?

I can't emphasize enough how much you need to watch. My only sadness is that I probably won't get another Planet Earth until I'm almost 40, because it takes them about 10 years to gather six episodes worth of footage. But when you see this footage, you understand why.

can you believe this animal is real??? Look at that RBF.

serenity now

Penguins live the craziest lives-- you would never guess.

The very first scene in the first episode. Whaaaaaaat

I laughed so hard at this scene.

I mean....

the adventures of Froyo and Sam-Is-Crying-Again?!

Over the break, I watched a lot...of birds....

No actually I watched a lot of TV. Started and finished season 2 of Blacklist. Started Gotham but it was too creepy, and finally, all of the extended Lord of the Rings movies. We would've watched the regular length ones, but Isaac took those. Psssst Isaac. Wanna send those back or..it's not like we have 12 hours to just sit and watch TV. 

Wait, we do! Er..we did. "We"=me and Ellie.

For the record, I have never watched all three Lord of the Rings movies in one sitting, much less the extended editions. We did take breaks. It took us 2.5 days to watch all three. WOOF. My CBS came back with a vengeance (if you don't know what I'm talking about, here).

Throughout this marathon of eyeball-frying leisure time, I recorded everything Ellie said. She has a lot of questions and opinions on basically everything. I only sort of regret introducing her to Star Wars.

"Is Froyo Bilbo's son?"

in regards to pretty much every difficult task in the films: "Can't Gandalf do this?" She said this like some women say "Can't I talk to a manager?!" 

"Maybe orcs should kill people with their disgusting looks, cuz they have terrible aim."

regarding Sam (who slowly was renamed Sam-Is-Crying-Again and then Yes-He-Really-Is-Crying-Still): "I didn't know a man could cry. This is ALL over a ring?!"

As Cate Blanchett/the elf witch read Frodo's mind (you know that weird scene where she turns fluorescent green and her voice drops eight octaves): "Like when Voldemort talks to Harry Potter!"

regarding this line ^^: "Like at bedtime!"

regarding Sam's gift from Cate Blanchett/elf witch: "What did he get from Lady Gaga? Er...you know, the lady who gave everyone fancy stuff."

"Is the guy who created this movie Mormon? Christian? The director of...um...you know, the guy who put all this emotional stuff in here...what's his name?"

anytime Gandalf's spoke: "DUMBLEDORE! The second."

At the end of the second movie when Sam/Frodo get to the valley before Mordor: "Is that Uruguay?"

in disbelief: "So elves can French braid then?"

"Does Gandalf have to make such a big scene?"

regarding crazy-eyed Frodo when he refuses to throw the ring into the lava: "He needs therapy."

regarding a conversation between King Theodin and Éowyn: "He says such encouraging words. And...he's her UNCLE?!" (idk why this was so hard to believe)

I'd just like to say from the bottom of my heart: yikes

I was going to do a movie review of Hambre Games Part II but I just don't have it in me. Sry Gordy. But here's a quick summary for those of you who haven't seen it/read the book (*spoiler alert* *eyeroll*):

• Katniss has a gnarly bruise on her neck and can't talk.
• Peeta has PTSD and his hair has gotten even more ugly (pretty sure they could've remedied this since Katniss always looks bangin' even though she's in a war torn post-apocalyptic country half the time).
• Really though, why the frosted tips? Peeta deserves better.
• Kyrie is litrally cutting off my circulation with her arm right now OUCH (not now, like, while we were watching the movie)
• Now she's cussing in my ear
• Do u think the people behind us will get mad or
• Alright now Katniss has her eyelash extensions on, she's ready to fight I guess (lolz)
• They invited Peeta on this assassination mission because he has PTSD so that makes sense
• Explosion
• Explosion
• A giant flood of liquid eyeliner
• Whoops it's oil
• Same difference
• Explosion
• Explosion
• President Snow: 

Flash forward: Peeta's got a terrible wig on and that's apparently the thing that makes him look "older" but really he looks the same (STILL WITH FROSTED TIPS I MEAN COME ON THIS ISN'T AN N*SYNC ALBUM COVER). Katniss doesn't look older but she's lost the eyelash extensions and she's talking to a really beautiful baby. It's probably not Peeta's tbh. Whoops.

What was this blog post even about in the first place? I guess nothing. I guess that's all. I saw Hunger Games II and I had three (THREE) Twix Bars in my purse which I forgot about the entire time and am just now remembering. Why do I have candy-bar amnesia? Is there a cure?

I shouldn't post this.

*posts anyway*

Movie Night With Kenz: Shutter Island {Alternate Title: Leo Lives in Struggle City}

No, I'm not talking about the camera store in the Valley River Mall which bears the same name. Also, disclaimer, I watched le edited version, but in the woods, in the dark, so it probably didn't make any difference. Whytheface do I do these things to myself?

I sure love writing these. They kind of read like the memoir of someone who used to do acid. Anyway. This is a review written in "real time," meaning, my thoughts as I was watching it, because no, I did not bring my computer. I'm not devoid of all compassion and manners.

me before this movie:

me after this movie:

* * *

(obligatory asterisks)

So. Leo is really upset about something (I am 20 minutes late to this but it's not my fault hashtag Trent). I have this text to go on: "Two FBI agents are investigating the disappearance of a psycho patient on an island." Out of context, he's obviously talking about an episode of Dr. Phil. Butt I digress. 

Leo (Agent Always Looking Real Confused Face) is running around at this camera store (nope, island, sorry) with Mark Ruffalo and my jaw is starting to hurt cuz I'm chewing my gum nervously because this DANG MUSIC. Have you ever watched a scary movie w/out the music? It's ridiculous. I did that once with "What Lies Beneath" and the entire movie is just Michelle Pfeiffer staring into a bathtub and needing an Aspirin. Dumb.

*Leo has war flashbacks*

*these upset me so I clench my fists as a subtle clue that I am upset*

Leo looks confused. Leo always looks confused. Why hasn't he won an Oscar for this confused face it's like his only face.

*Leo smokes a cigarette*

*Leo yells at Mark Ruffalo*

*I'm feeling hungry*

*Alright, I'll start calling him Agent Teddy*

Very well played, Martin Scorsese. Well played. "Agent Teddy" has got to be the least ominous name ever but slap it on a disturbed FBI agent and bam now it is creepy. BIEN HECHO.

K now there is another woman who's looking nappy as heck (nappy=needs a nap). Wait the guy from Tuck Everlasting is in this too?! (SEE PIC BELOW HE IS NOT A TRUSTWORTHY HUMAN LOOK AT HIS OUTFIT)...but now he's a doctor. I obviously don't trust him at all because he's wearing a bowtie and if U WORKED AT A CRAZY-A PLACE LIKE SHUTTER ISLAND you wouldn't wear bowties you'd wear all black all the time probably and carry a scythe oh wait I'm describing Death oops ok so anyway this dingleberry is CRAZY. Point made, 10 years later. 

So I don't trust him, but he's telling Leo/Agent Teddy that they found the crazy mujer that he and Mark Ruffalo were looking for, and I'm like "Huh? Whatever. Nope. It's probably a mannequin or someone who LOOKS like the woman he's looking for." Also, the movie has only been going for like 30 mins so there's no way that's her. NO. Way." Such articulate. Very orator.

Wuuuuut that's Amy from "The Kid"! One of my fave movies which is completely different than this one and maybe that's why I am super freaked out by her character. Think Nicole Kidman from The Others but even more bat-shiz-crazy, and also in a Pioneer Dress. YEEEEEE. 

see? look how nice she looks in The Kid. She's in her pajamas. Petting a puppy. WITH BRUCE WILLIS, who is in a sweater. now imagine her in the complete opposite scenario, and that was her in Shudder Island. Shutter Island. Whatever.

*at this point I was in the fetal position*

*TURN DOWN THE MUSIC PLZ I HATE THIS STUPID MO--*

Ok wait. She thinks that she knows Leo from somewhere, and he's like "???" "No? I don't know you?" *backs against the wall dramatically* *Christopher Nolan def stole some parts of this for Inception*

Ok but I have totally had this conversation before with someone on campus! She came up to me and was like "Hey! Oh my gosh I loved those cookies you brought us!" Now, I did bring cookies to lots of people back in those days because I wasn't as greedy, so this wasn't weird. And I DID know her from one of my classes. *plot thickens like pulpy orange juice, gag* 

She then said "Yeah can I get the recipe?" 

I was like "Oh yeah it's so easy..." still not remembering when I brought this girl cookies...so I give her the recipe and she's like "I thought they were Oatmeal Chocolate Chip!" 

I was like "No, I haven't...made those...for anyone...e..ve...r" and she goes 

"You brought them to 215! A few daays ago." 

I was all "honey where u live?" And she said "Carriage House" and I was like "Oh I've never taken cookies there." She went "Oh my gosh. I'm gong to walk away from you now." Completely mortified. And I laughed so hard my eyebrows fell off.

SO LET'S JUST SAY THIS CONVO BETWEEN LEO AND AMY FROM "THE KID" WAS JUST LIKE THAT ONE I HAD EXCEPT NOT ABOUT COOKIES, BUT ABOUT WEIRD CRIMES THEY DID IN THE PAST WHICH THEY CAN'T SEEM TO REMEMBER BECAUSE THEY HAVE REPRESSED THEM, OBVIOUSLYYYYYYY. Leo is lookin' real confused (again). 

Meanwhile everyone else is like "Get it together Leo. Like FIGURE it out." Can't tell if they are talking to his character with their eyebrows or The Academy, who inevitably watched this movie at some point. 

"FIGURE IT OUT. GIVE HIM THE OSCAR DANGIT."

Mark Ruffalo looks so good in his patient clothes. ? Well. 

Alright, somehow Leo got to a cave on this island. Caves=never a good idea. They have NEVER been a good idea.

here is my proof:

*LOTR Return of the King (spiders)

*the bum on the Oregon Coast living in a cave when I was 12

*The Goonies? Ok come on how many more perfect examples do I need

*did I mention the bum that was living in one when I was 12? ok

So now Patricia Arquette is in this cave with a shank, and she's built a fire, which, hold on, don't you need a chimney for that? Whatever. WH A T EVE R. She's like "Btw Leo, you're being drugged, they want you to think you're crazy and you can never leave this place, lol."

*Leo has more freakish flashbacks*

*Now I am trying not to pee my pants cuz I'm so creeped out*

*it's the music, mostly*

Leo gets out of the cave at some point, and oh yeah he's in these white clothes like he's a patient and then I'm like "Oh, he is dressed as a patient...hmm...could it be that he actually is one? Plz don't let that really be the punchline of the movie because if so I just figured it out and it's not even close to over."

But GUYZ. I figured it out. That's it. That's the whole movie. Leo is a patient, but the Doctor/Ben Kingsley lets him wander around the island and pretend he's an FBI agent again (cuz he used to be), which seems like the dumbest idea ever. "How about we take this really crazy patient, who murdered someone, and let him wander around the island and pretend to be an FBI agent? Sounds ruhllll smart. I am the smartest! I am a doctor, after all." PSH.

Also, who wrote this line: "If I sunk my teeth into your eyeball right now, how fast do you think it would take for you to go blind?"

LIKE WTH??!?!?!?!?

Go to bed, Martin Scorsese. And by bed, I mean therapy.

My reaction faces, probably (I didn't have a mirror, duh!)

mo(re popcorn plz)vie night: guardians of the galaxy

cats waking up computers is my favorite thing

It took long enough, but I finally sat down to watch Guardians of the Galaxy. All of my friends went and saw it without me multiple times, but in the end I watched it with my parents. They're really good movie night compadres, you know. My mom was an actress and my dad studied screenwriting. So. #moviesnobs (all of us up in here)

I'm currently in the mood to barf up everything I eat (new medication, hooolllaaa), so this seemed like a good activity. You know. Watching a film and taking notes on it and not thinking about how I'm hungry at all times but everything makes me want to gag. Even EGGS, which are my #1 most consumed food. Ehh terrible grammar, plz forgive me, I am not well.

When I stare at my eggs (wow that did not sound okay or right at all), I imagine them turning into something better, like a cheeseburger, which 5 minutes later also makes me wanna puke. 

The other night I was at Wal-Mart and my stomach was complaining at me, bein' like "Yoooo Kenzie, hook me up with some nutrients! I'm gonna send a signal to your brain soon that makes you run into a pole if you don't give me food!" (that has happened before) So, panic-stricken, I grabbed the first thing that sounded good: chocolate milk. I call it "chalkie milk" but that's beside the point. Well, okay, maybe I said "CHALKIE MILK!" out loud in a panicky voice as I reached for it, and the old guy standing nearby kinda looked at me as if to say "What fresh hell is this?" I know, old guy. I know. Dis how I feel:

Alright, so, onto this movie "review" (loose term for what I've written below). Spoiler alert: I give it 5 stars, 2 Stanley Nickels, and 1 Unicorn.

All of this came from the 2 pages of notes I took during the movie. I'm sorry that I'm citing my sources, even if the sources are me. Can't help it (English major 5ever).

******

(the asterisks make me look like I know what I'm doing)

Firstly, what the heck, Mitchum Huntsberger is in this??????? Only for 5 minutes, but boy does he look different in flannel.

..or therapy, cuz your wife is CGI and your son just got sucked into outer space

*but is he really the father?!???!?? or some random uncle?

My sincere reaction when I saw Starlord's mom on the hospital bed: "Why is his mom a mannequin? Or is she supposed to be a robot...?" My dad: "Shush!" I guess I'm the most insensitive human ever. Dear CGI, why you gotta do me like that?????? That's my real-life excuse too, like when I mistake a manly-woman for a man. "Heheh sorry...it's just the CGI." People will believe that, right?

When they talk about using a thesaurus and say "it's a metaphor" this is all I can think of:

ugh. Augustus 4ever (not really though because....oh shoot...who here hasn't read that book?)

And back to the current movie at hand...

I could really use one of those automatic armor things that jet-blasts you out of a dangerous situation. Or maybe like when you see your crush and you're buying tampons! OR WORSE, YOUR PROFESSOR. Yeah, that would be handy.

This entire place looks like the cover of a Boston album.

Am I right??

WAIT KIRK IS IN THIS TOO?!? (another Gilmore Girls character...like Mitchum...geesh) And Merrill from The Walking Dead. EEEEEE. Who has a glowing red stick of butter on his head. That makes him slightly less intimidating. But I still hate his guts (only made it through that show for 2.5 seasons, BT-dubz).

Why is the tree drinking water?

Oh.

Tree+raccoon with attitude=already been done before

I could comment on this picture for various reasons.

.........

...

..

I'd just like everyone to know that I put on lip stain before this movie and one hour into it, the lip stain is still going' strong! (This actually proves nothing)

*commercial break over*

Also Chris Pratt is the Starlord cuz he barely blinked when he got kicked in the crotch. Apparently it was like getting hugged by a Care Bear.

Okay, let me explain why Mike Birbiglia is up here. I JUS now realized that he plays Patrick, the leader of support group, in The Fault in Our Stars (a movie I reference earlier in this blog post, WHAT). I googled Mike Birbiglia cuz he has a funny quote about what it feels like to get kicked there. It would've proven my point about Chris Pratt being the Starlord because of his reaction to aforementioned verbosity. gET IT?! What is this life????? Also, he sorta looks like Andy Dwyer in this pic. Also played by Chris Pratt. My brain hurts. Gotta go take a quick break and eat a smoothie.

****

(more asterisks. indicative of a long pause.)

When Groot stuck his branches up that Blue Man Group Troll's nose I wanted to sneeze sODANGbad. Film is so powerful, guys.

Why do bad guys always have big chins? Jay Leno isn't a terrible human (or is he...wait don't tell me I want to stay innocent), but his chin would suggest otherwise, based on the logic of every Hollywood movie ever.  OR if you're watching The Living Scriptures videos, big nosed guys are the evil ones. Those Pharisees were like olden-day Owen Wilsons. Wow. What was that sentence even.

doesn't he look like he's ready to throw some innocent person into prison? especially with that rose shirt on. And the wind blowing his perfect coif in the wind.

Coif is a great word.

Back to the movie.

Oh man. I love slow-mo gun throws. <<-I think I just made up a new bumper sticker!

Footloose reference?! Yes. 10/10 stars. Whatever that means. I'm just going to say it: I love Footloose. The original. Even that ridiculous scene when Kevin Bacon does really dramatic back flips in a wife beater...in the Lehi Roller Mills. Like wth??!?

unfortunately I stumbled on this picture while trying to find the gif of Kevin Bacon dancing in Footloose. 

Halfway through the movie I realized I'm still wearing a bra.
*adjustment*
Me, out loud to no one in particular: "This movie just got 10x better!"

So there's an idea. If you're ever watching a movie for the first time (or you're doing any activity for the first time) and you don't know how lame it might be, keep your bra on. Halfway through, take your bra off and the movie will either go from bad to okay or awesome to amazing. TRY IT.

This purple orb thing would make an excellent flashlight. But not as good as Trent's. Ask him about his flashlight sometime. If you have like an hour to spare.

My mom, at the end of the movie: "What is a turd blossom?"

Just don't think about it.

          

          

Chris Pratt for President.