"If I had to describe Provo to people who had never been there I would just say, 'Two guys on a scooter.'" -Trent Zimmerman

circa 2013 (this was like 2 days after we became "friends")

What is the opposite of roasted? Isn't it toasted? Not raw...? Ok forget the food analogy. I'm doing a not-roast for Trent, because he's 25 today (in 30 mins, to be precise) and because this is my blog, dangit. *disclaimer: I wrote this at a very late hour* Let us begin.

25 REASONS TO BE BEST FRIENDS WITH TRENT Z.

1. he will come over at 12am if you're having a complete breakdown over nothing, and throw felt balls at your face, and then comfort you for both of those things
2. he will let you sit by him for 2 hours and correct the grammar on his powerpoint presentation which is actually for an engineering class and grammar isn't even that important? But his was pretty good anyway. 8/10.
3. he will definitely not ever pretend to be a cat and not-accidentally bruise your back because he jumps on you! not ever. he would never do that.
4. also he would never jump on you from behind while you, unsuspecting and innocent little cupcake human, are getting into the fridge for something, thus making your pants fall off a little bit, and then run away. N-E-V-E-R.
5. he'll invite you to do things! even if you can't/won't do them because you're a wimp. like hiking Timp twice in a week. haha. ha. that'll never not be funny. ok but I get points for climbing on the roof of Guru's that one time. right?
6. he will let you help him pick out deodorant (dude what is WITH the men's deodorant names?? "Nocturnal Gentleman" is not a deodorant name, k? Not acceptable). he will not let you take the unhealthy burritos out of his shopping cart, though. smh.
7. he will send you lots of cat pictures. like, so many. SOMANY.
8. he will send you lots of other pictures of things you don't want to see :'(
9. he will come over and sit on your porch (on a holiday) while you cry a very ugly cry, and then let you be the third (more like fourth) wheel on his 4th of July date-thing (sorry Trent)
10. he will hug you until you literally fall over, or stop breathing, or just get generally feel too uncomf to handle it anymore
11. he will make you feel super good about anything you're mildly okay at
12. he can teach you how to properly slice quesadillas and...do stitches on yourself (actually haven't learned that one yet. what gives?)
13. he won't ever fake or pity-laugh for you (this is a serious thing, ok? fake laughing is the worst)
14. he will call you out on whatever it is that you think you struggle with, and make you think "oh...I'm actually being dumb about this thing." And you're right. 
15. he will probably buy you a Frosty if you ask nicely!
16. he will not walk you to your car in the dark woods if you ask nicely! but he'll shine his beloved flashlight in that general direction. 6/10
17. he's super tall, which is always a nice bonus for us short people. to look at. I'm getting kind of sleepy.
18. I'll finish in the morning-times. crap it is morning. I'll finish in the 8 hours from now.
19. he will use phrases like "I think that's delightful!" like an old man, because he secretly is an old man, and that's why he wears those socks. those socks. you know what I mean. old men are endearing though, right? right.
20. he will laugh incessantly about a joke you told like ten years ago, and then you have to explain to everyone what the joke is/was while he's still laughing about it, which makes you feel super confident/awkward at the same time. what a weird phenomenon.
21. he is one of only like 3 people that will watch Adventuretime with moi and enjoy it (I can't say this for the rest of you reading this, but if you don't watch it, why??)
22. he will make fun of you for not dancing heartily enough at concerts (I'm not sorry. I hate sweating. the end.)
23. he will only sorta make fun of your Spanish when you "help" him with his Spanish homework 
24. he'll save all of his grossest nicknames for you, aw
25. if you fall asleep on his couch he'll sit on you to wake you up (again, like a cat). don't want to be napping for too long, you know. so that's...nice...of him. ????

Technically that was 24 but who's counting? *your automated numbered list is, dummy*