there's no law that says you can't start telling a ghost story when a cop is shining a flashlight in your face

^^late night thoughts having nothing to do with this blog post

grandma on the far right

me in the middle looking awkward

(at Wrigley Field Circa Some Embarrassing Year)

If you are even a little bit funny, I'll probably write down the things you say and put them in a blog post someday. So watch your mouth.

I spent the last week in Washingtoregon, and thus, spent a lot of time with my grandma, who is one of the more quotable humans on this planet. I wish I had started recording things she said earlier, but at least I got this gravy (I looked up other words for "gems" on slang dictionary dot com, and I kind of regret it).

Disclaimer: this post is not meant to make fun. My grandma is seriously one of my favorite people and I love her dearly. And she's hilarious without trying.

happy monday, ya animals


"What's that mark that black babies have? Mongolian...Mongolian Grill. No, it's not that. But it's like Mongolian Grill." (she was close...it's called a Mongolian Spot. you can google it. Mongolian Grill=a tasty restaurant)

"I always wake up in the night and that's when I read the scriptures. Then I listen to conference talks which always puts me to sleep."

"Ok after swimming you can go sit on the front yard with the babies. But that's boring."

"You should date (insert man's name here). Wait, maybe not. He's like 10 years older than you. But he's a nice guy. But he's not as good looking as (man's brother)."

"I wonder what that minion show is about. Doesn't look very good. It has a girl with a bikini in it."

"You went to the UK?? I didn't know people were allowed to go there now."
"When weren't we allowed to go there?"
"Well it used to be Russia, you know."

"It's too bad you and (guy's name) are cousins...."
"Uhhh Grandma!"

"When was the last time you had a fast food job?"
"In between semesters in college."
"And that one boy asked you out! Whatever happened with him?"
"....."

"Ahh! There's earwigs all over these flowers. Your mom would hate this. She hates creepy stuff. *pondering for a moment* Well, okay, who doesn't?"

"Wow she sure looks good [weight wise]. When she said she was going to boot camp I honestly did not know what that meant."

"Those pants you're wearing are sure cute. (person) has these striped pants that make her look like she just got out of prison."

grandma's wall decor

alwals tell the truth