IS IT NOT WINTER YET

The club cannot even handle me right now.

Every time the temperature sneaks up into the 40's and I peel off my winter coat, the snow comes back the next day and emotionally dropkicks me into outer space. ENOUGH. My hammock is actually starting to gather dUST?! So I've actually started to shave my legs again, as if to make some kind of unspoken deal with the weather.

me: "Ok, I will shave my legs--AND my kneecaps--if you promise to stop snowing. Please."
weather guy in space: "LOL NAH but good luck keeping your legs warm now that they're naked like mole rats HAHA"

SIgh.

The semester is already kinda half over, which is vry bizarre. Last semester seemed to drag on and on like Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. But I guess this just proves that whole "if you've already been there, it goes faster" theory. You know how when you go on road trips and the getting to the destination always feels longer than coming home, because when you come back you've already seen everything? #deeperthanblackholes

Picture dump time, because I have nothing else to say right now. Come back later. Maybe when the sun comes out my brain will get reactivated.

haha yeah right.

This was  taken a month ago when I was still enjoying winter. 

same house, different season

 you can't see but there's a weird statue of Groot on the porch (all year round)

Hello NcKenzie is my name (at a dating fireside which was rly good)

nothing makes me look more pale than red lipstick WINTER

At one point during this hike, Houston took some random shortcut "trail" which was actually not a trail at all and I said "You are dead to me now" like 50 times while trying to get up this hill covered in snow thx Houston but really THANKS cuz the view was gr8

We spend vry much time and not vry much money at the D.I. (but rally this D.I. is like the Taj Mahal of Deserets Industriez)

adulthood

new comics, yay

adulthood means:

trying to figure out your life but not in the way that people on Dancing With the Stars are trying to figure out their lives because wow

staying up way too late shopping for boring stuff on Amazon like foam rollers, shoelaces, and water bottles (this is what I have become)

debating whether or not you should actually take a nap under your desk at school or walk the fifteen minutes home so you can sleep in your bed but then that's fifteen minutes you could be sleeping! so in the end you walk home and spend the entire "naptime" in bed on your phone

eyerolling real hard through a 2.5 hour class because you disagree with everything but if the teacher calls on you you say something like "I liked his word choice, lol" lol lolo o lfdslfdslafjlasjf lakjfl;a a af

also, using "lol" ironically and then being unable to stop. woof.

actually keeping track of your shower cries. so far I have had three this year. shower crying: the new rage-dancing in the forest.

being too tired to go buy actual groceries but not too tired to drive the extra ten minutes to Chick-Fil-A for a twenty dollar meal (no joke, why Chick-Fil-A tryna rob me blind?! I JUST WANTED SOME CHICKEN. THIS IS AMERICA THE PLACE IS CRAWLING WITH CHICKENS. THEY'RE LIKE AMERICA'S VERSION OF THE SHEEP OF SCOTLAND).

actually making plans called "dinner and taxes." with other people.

wanting to confront someone who wronged you:



If you haven't gotten to this point of your life yet, hold on to your youth a little longer. And those cute, eye-bags-less faces of yours. I'm sure you don't even need a filter! Yet.

tinders I would actually use

like Tinder but instead it's people nearby who own cats or dogs that you can borrow for cuddling

like Tinder but instead it finds people nearby who have similar Shazam tags so you can go to concerts with them

like Tinder but it's just people nearby with similar grocery lists so you don't have to shop alone

like Tinder but it's just the last five things you've screenshotted

like Tinder but it's just people who have taken the classes you're taking so you can borrow their old textbooks

like Tinder but it lists people's specific cleaning skills (like for example, maybe they're really good at cleaning toilets, and I hate doing this, so we would make a good team, probably)

like Tinder but instead it's just the top five compliments people give them (this would be very telling, you know)

like Tinder but instead it's people who have the camping gear you don't have so you can team up and go on weekend camping trips with them

like Tinder but instead it's people with mechanical skills (for cars and bikes) (because I need help with both) (this is, in fact, a cry for help) (SOMEONE WITH PROPER BIKE TOOLS COME OVER. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE HOMEMADE COOKIES)

like Tinder but instead it's people who will gently wake you up from your naps when you've gone overtime

like Tinder but instead it's people with long fingernails who are willing to give non-committal back scratches

like Tinder but instead it's people nearby who always have a constant supply of gum on hand so you can find them and get a piece

like Tinder but instead it shows how much Parks & Rec/The Office they can quote verbatim

one of dad's favorite D.I. finds

the adventures of Froyo and Sam-Is-Crying-Again?!

Over the break, I watched a lot...of birds....

No actually I watched a lot of TV. Started and finished season 2 of Blacklist. Started Gotham but it was too creepy, and finally, all of the extended Lord of the Rings movies. We would've watched the regular length ones, but Isaac took those. Psssst Isaac. Wanna send those back or..it's not like we have 12 hours to just sit and watch TV. 

Wait, we do! Er..we did. "We"=me and Ellie.

For the record, I have never watched all three Lord of the Rings movies in one sitting, much less the extended editions. We did take breaks. It took us 2.5 days to watch all three. WOOF. My CBS came back with a vengeance (if you don't know what I'm talking about, here).

Throughout this marathon of eyeball-frying leisure time, I recorded everything Ellie said. She has a lot of questions and opinions on basically everything. I only sort of regret introducing her to Star Wars.

"Is Froyo Bilbo's son?"

in regards to pretty much every difficult task in the films: "Can't Gandalf do this?" She said this like some women say "Can't I talk to a manager?!" 

"Maybe orcs should kill people with their disgusting looks, cuz they have terrible aim."

regarding Sam (who slowly was renamed Sam-Is-Crying-Again and then Yes-He-Really-Is-Crying-Still): "I didn't know a man could cry. This is ALL over a ring?!"

As Cate Blanchett/the elf witch read Frodo's mind (you know that weird scene where she turns fluorescent green and her voice drops eight octaves): "Like when Voldemort talks to Harry Potter!"

regarding this line ^^: "Like at bedtime!"

regarding Sam's gift from Cate Blanchett/elf witch: "What did he get from Lady Gaga? Er...you know, the lady who gave everyone fancy stuff."

"Is the guy who created this movie Mormon? Christian? The director of...um...you know, the guy who put all this emotional stuff in here...what's his name?"

anytime Gandalf's spoke: "DUMBLEDORE! The second."

At the end of the second movie when Sam/Frodo get to the valley before Mordor: "Is that Uruguay?"

in disbelief: "So elves can French braid then?"

"Does Gandalf have to make such a big scene?"

regarding crazy-eyed Frodo when he refuses to throw the ring into the lava: "He needs therapy."

regarding a conversation between King Theodin and Éowyn: "He says such encouraging words. And...he's her UNCLE?!" (idk why this was so hard to believe)

a girl runs into a guy at a party and you'll never guess what happens next!

He broke his toe.

I got this bruise.



That's what happened. I think we're engaged????

In lieu of a ring he just gave me this bicep-shiner. YEAH A BICEP SHINER IS A THING NOW BE QUIET.

Man, I could never write clickbait articles. I'm so glad I figured this one out early, though. Can you imagine if I went through all this schooling only to resign myself to a life of writing clickbait?

people might as well project this on the wall at every party ever bc that's how I feel when I enter the room

Instead of diving headfirst into the twelve foot pool which is grad school (that sometimes feels like it's three feet deep and you feel like you're concussed when you dive in), I decided to be social this week. As you can see from dat #bicepshiner, it's been going great.

*leans head out window*
*yells loudly to my mom so she'll hear me two hours away*
"MOM! HEY MOM! I'M GETTING RIGHT TO WORK ON THOSE GRANDKIDS, OK?"

Anyway.

this picture makes me wanna go get a burrito.

...maybe I'm just hungry.

I left my car in American Fork until I figure out what to do with it. This was the last time I drove it (hopefully forever). We went up the canyon cuz it's our fave place. Ok mostly mine because yeah my car is definitely an inanimate object. 

MOM IT'S WATER PONG NOT B**R PONG 

See? Houston/Dennis doesn't look drunk at all.

student: hey so I forgot about ___ assignment, can I still turn it in even though it would be late and your syllabus says you don't accept late work?
me:

Well, that's my life. What are you guys up to? Found any good trendy clothing boutiques recently? I've been looking for one all over Utah but I can't seem to find any. So weird. Also, if you happen to find a company that sells wooden sunglasses or peplum swimsuits, hit me up. I can't find those either.

*~over and out~~*

good bad funny

good: I got another scholarship which I didn't even apply for (this pattern seems to repeat itself a lot). I think someone is watching out for me. Someone with a capital S.

bad: My doctor used the words "tumor" and "MRI" today and that's just rude, you know. Don't freak out plz. What I really (probably) have is bad vertigo. Why did I bring this up.
alternative bad: I'm almost out of peanut-butter filled pretzels. And willpower. The semester just started HELP.

funny: trying to walk gracefully down a very steep hill after it snowed today. I looked just like this guy.

Kylo Ren being like "I'll finish what you started, grandfather." Psh. He is such a fake fan. Does he not know how his grandfather died? HUH? Someone throw a self help book into space and mark it For Kylo. Never mind, I'll do it. I have time. 

current mood: that vine of the seal playing the saxaphone (look it up)

well.

One fine morning recently (not-so-recently, bc I haven't posted on this in awhile, haha! JOKE'S ON YOU!)...I was laying in bed on my phone trying not to move very much because

a) I was very dizzy (long story)
b) no it's not a long story I was just dizzy, ok?

Anyway, I was sitting there (laying) and then my friend texted me an article all about not being on our cell phones because of obvious reasons we all know about but choose to ignore because we're millennials and we wanna die EARLY I guess, and also it gives us neck-aches. And then I thought, "Gosh, my neck hurts."

-_-

thing that happened on the first day of class:

• I walked into my first classroom and immediately realized the only working piece of technology in the room was a 100-year old heater in the corner, which regularly emits the sound of a pterodactyl getting hit by a bus (I know what that sounds like, trust me). So my students' first impression of me was walking into the room, growling at the heater, and then slamming both hands on the top of it and saying "shhhhhHHHHh." Throughout the class period as the heater got louder, I had to interrupt myself and say "Ok breathe, McKenzie...find your center..." They're all afraid of me. Perfect. 
• Not one but TWO students asked me why the heck couldn't they reuse their old high school papers? SERIOUSLY WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. I put the "flabber" in "flabbergasted."
• Another student asked me what I defined "tardy" as. I was like ??? "after the minute hand leaves the six..." I always feel like they're asking me trick questions when they do that. But nope. Nah. Nope.
• I saw my friend Paden in the hallway and waved vigorously at him, but two English professors were walking in front of me, and as he waved back at me, they waved at him, and then he was like, "What do I do with my hands" and I had to lean against the wall for support cuz I was laughing so hard GOSH I AM TIRED. Feels good to be back at this sleep deprivation thing. I really missed that routine. 

I'm both of these cats somehow.