you might be in grad school if
- You start insulting people by calling them "absolute pancakes." This isn't for lack of creativity, but merely brain power. I used up all my brain sauce for the semester coming up with lesson plans that would entertain some 18-year-olds. OKAY BUT IF ONE MORE PERSON SAYS "DON'T TELL ME SPOILERSSSS!" FOR THE LAST HUNGER GAMES MOVIE I WILL BLOW A GASKET. THE BOOK CAME FIRST, YOU ABSOLUTE PANCAKES. THERE'S NO WAY THERE CAN BE SPOILERS. READ THE BOOK.
- You get unnecessarily angry at stupid things that have no effect on you whatsoever (see number 1).
- You think an ice cream sandwich for lunch sounds fancy and almost like having a real meal.
- You wear beanies or hoodies every day to cover up your crazy bedhead and then before you know it people are asking you if you have hair at all.
- You start crying when you: a) see any baby animal, I mean any baby animal, b) have nightmares about grading papers and the stack never getting smaller c) step in a puddle of maple syrup that got spilled on the kitchen floor and nobody is cleaning it up anytime soon
- You get excited about buying things like socks and chocolate milk. Actually, this was me before grad school too. And it will be me after grad school.
- You listen to way too much Manchester Orchestra/Taking Back Sunday, which just makes you feel like an angsty 17-year-old version of yourself. And then you make an actual emo playlist on Spotify, just solidifying how distant you've become from love and affection. I dunno what it is about the cold weather, but I think it makes me real mad. Or it could be school. Jury's still out.
- You laugh at people who actually have time to zip up their pants/hoodies, wash their sheets, and paint their nails. Sometimes I'll just marvel at someone taking the time to zip up their hoodie. What's it like to have that much time? I don't know.
- You check ratemyprofessor.com to see if anyone has given you a chili pepper yet. STILL NO CHILI PEPPERS. Actually, a profile for me hasn't even been set up yet. Which I'm sort of relieved about. But what does one have to do to get a dang chili pepper? *probably stop wearing beanies*
- Your butt gets smaller, not from doing squats, but from getting compressed in a chair for too long. :'( COMPRESSED BUTT SYNDROME, OR CBS AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, DANGIT THAT'S A TV STATION NEVERMIND
Preach it girl. This is my first semester of grad school and I'm currently sitting here with a tub of cookie dough in my life. I'm just "dealing with life." One of my girlfriends in the TA office found that she was on ratemyprofessor the other day and it's hilarious. I also feel like I have compressed butt syndrome. I'm either sitting at my desk grading stuff for the classes I TA for or sitting on my desk reading and writing for my grad classes. So glad I found your blog!
ReplyDelete#7 though. DYING.
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