sorry, still not done being emo. *cue the dashboard confessional song*

So, here's how life is. I wake up in the morning feeling swollen and kind of gross (cold weather=swollen face. Yes, I look like a puffer fish. Whatev.). This morning my mom said "Did you cry yourself to sleep?"

What? Of course not.

They're called allergens. And coldness. And allergens.

Then I go to work. Then I go home and fall onto my bed, and usually fall asleep again (unintentionally). I usually dream about something awesome. Last night, I dreamt I was about to go on a shopping spree which I won. Then I woke up.

And reality struck me again. And I rolled out of bed again.

Life motto right now:

Let's be real. I do not feel like myself right now. I feel like the real Kenzie has gone M.I.A. and she needs someone to come and lay those defibrillator things on her chest. And wake her up. Shock her into being. And tell her to be brave--to give her permission to be brave.

Don't you ever feel like you need permission to be brave? It's like all the self-doubt and fear inside of you culminate against you all at the exact same moment. And you go "whoaaa I'm not emotionally equipped for this." You automatically assume you can't handle it. So you have to ask the universe for permission. Can I be strong? Wait, really? Is it possible?

Welp, maybe I can't be. But someone already went through what I am going through. And He can help me. Right? Right.

It's this kind of stuff keeps me going:

"When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is it really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear."
Richard G. Scott

“Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Steve Jobs

"Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."

1 Nephi 7:12

oh yes I did throw a Steve Jobs quote in there. Because why the heck not.