Presenting a newwww series: McKenzie's Manswers! It's like the advice column you never knew you wanted/needed/because you didn't.
I've gone on a cleaning spree lately. It all started when I moved a few months ago. Moving always makes it easy to get rid of stuff, because yo, it's easier to take 1,467 trips to your new home if you have less stuff to haul. I mean. I still had to take 1,467 trips but whatever. W H A T E V E R.
After I sold a bunch of clothes and other unnecessary carp I had accumulated, I gave it away. When I moved back home, I did the same thing again. I've done it three times now and I don't think it's going to stop. HALP. It feels so good to get rid of stuff...CANTSTOPWONTSTOP (not the band).
I was listening to a podcast last week about a girl who got a job as a cleaner-upper of those hoarder houses. And she said this lady's house was like nothing she had ever seen. The stuff had piled up to the ceiling, ok? And the woman was very feeble and sick (partly due to the condition of her house) so she claimed that whenever she dropped something on the floor, she couldn't pick it up, so she would buy another. !!!!!
And that pattern continued for years. They asked her why she hadn't gotten one of those reaching sticks that picks up stuff for you, and then they unearthed about six of them under a pile of stuff. She had dropped those, too.
So if that doesn't motivate you to clean up a lil' bit, call TLC up! I'll watch! I mean, huh?
Another thing I resorted to clean out today was my email inbox. Ew. And also, holy entertainment-ville because the things I wrote even two years ago were so so so stupid. Did I say entertaining? Here is the subject line of an email I wrote to somebody 2 years ago. What even????
And THIS email which I wrote under the subject line: "In response to some guy telling me I have a "weak heart":
HAHA! I'm certifiable. This was written 3 years ago ok bye.
I also found the draft of a blog post I never published, so I am presenting it to you now, unedited in all its not-glory:
gonna write me some raps.
saran wrap, saran wrap, you stick to my food, you get me in the mood
to eat lasagna
well, so, it might have been awhile.
(penguin falling off a slide gif)
some things that make me laugh when I randomly think about them during the day:
1) the way commercials are 10,000 decibels louder than the actual show you are watching.
OXY CLEAN WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
(blows sound out in the room)
COFFEE STAINS, BLOOD STAINS, WHATEVER STAINS
(everyone scrambles for the remote)
CALL NOW AND GET ANOTHER BOTTLE FOR FREE
(atomic bomb goes off outside)
You know?
other stuff:
2) one summer me and my friend tessa were obssessed with cloud-watching. once we found a manatee. A MANATEE CLOUD. And I remember writing in my journal that day "I can't believe I'm writing about manatee clouds." #lifeisbeautiful
3) the comments section of CNN. alwayz. some guy commented on an article about Willie Nelson getting arrested for pot possession (again). He said this: "Who cares if he was smoking pot? I get wasted every day and I ain't never killed nobody! I usually just hit up McDonald's and get stoned playing video games after!" -_-
4) when I'm talking to my mom on the phone and all of a sudden she goes "oh no, oh no oh no not that!" and I have a mini panic attack and say "What is it? What happened?" and she goes "Ah, I just had to spend all my coins on a Lollipop Hammer." Candy Crush Anonymous, do you exist yet?
etc etc etc
***
Clean something and you might find some hidden treasures..or you might just find something gross like a piece of old popcorn behind your bed. Not like that happened just now.
Next week on Manswers:
Why did you accumulate so much carp?
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