if you don't put salt on pretty much everything, first of all why

"Ike...Ike...that needs more salt...here...just...let me...salt it for ya....

YESS THE CUPCAKE IS MINE!"

(my thoughts in this picture, probably)

I have no less than 3 salt shakers on my desk at work. That's right, three. I just ate some chips and dip for lunch (duh, what else), and I salted the dip. I also ate a creme brulee after that...with salt on it. Back in 2008, my doctor was all, "McKenzie, you don't have enough sodium in your body." So I said, "Oh no, whatever shall I do. I guess I have to salt all my food." And I did. And I still do. So don't be offended if you cook for me and I throw a lil' salt on top. I'm just tryna enhance all my senses, ok?

Do you guys remember that York Peppermint Patty commercial from like 10 years ago, with the old guy eating a patty and the minty-ness was just really overpowering apparently, and he opened his mouth, revealing a toothless grin, and said "I like any sensation!" Gross. Yuckfest. Yuckmesiter yucko. Right? Me and Liz got some mileage out of that one for awhile. We still do, but we did back then too. Heh.

I bet half of you have already given up on this post by now. You're like "Why is she still writing? What's the point of this even?" I don't know. I never know.

Last night I was sitting in bed reading/writing/solo jamming (alt-j lately. I know. I know.) and I actually hugged myself. I put down my pen and gave myself a hug. Then I wrote about it in my journal. I said "Do you guys wanna hear something really pathetic/cheesy/lame? I just hugged myself. I. Just. Hugged. Myself." And yes, I write my journal as if I'm talking to my future posterity. I think they'll appreciate it. If they ever come into existence.

Jk, jk. That's not what I really think, mom.

This is what I have been thinking lately (as in the last 24 hours)

1) this needs more salt
2) I should probably kiss someone soon before I explode
3) maybe that someone should just be an animal
4) wait no maybe a person
5) this needs more salt?!?!?
6) ugh.
7) my back feels kinda weird ever since somebody who shall not be named popped it
8) it was Trent
9) I never realize how depressed I am in the winter until the sun comes out again and then I'm like "Yooo everybody is my best friend I love everyone here have a free Capri-Sun! Windows down all day! Yayyyyy the sun!" It's that bad.
10) would that I could grow out this awkward haircut already!!
11) I wonder when the trend of saying "Would that" instead of "I wish that" went out of style. I wonder if it was ever a trend....
12) I can't wait til the sun comes out and I can run again and trip over flat surfaces again and air-drum to Twenty One Pilots while I'm running again.
13) If I had guns for hands a lot of people would be accidentally dead because of me because #klutzbomb.
14) I just found a post-it note that said "Don't forget to.." and the rest of it was blurred out. Maybe by tears? Idk but now I know I'm forgetting to do something important #struggs
15) update: I forgot to buy concert tickets
16) wait should I even go to this concert....
17) I might get spit on again.
18) cry face emoji (yes that's right, I think in emojis)
19) Gosh this gum is good! (It's the Icebreakers' brand of gum and it is the uncontested winner)
20) five cry face emojis
21) I wonder if I have an RBF and that's why people are always telling me to cheer up. I'm sorry I don't just sit and smile at nobody and nothing. I'm sorry!
22) I'm not really sorry. I wish I was in the mountains.
23) I should stop thinking and just take an 8 hour nap.

A day in the life of McKenzie's head. I bet you wish you hadn't read that. Right? Five minutes you'll never get back. Except now you know that Icebreakers gum is best and I like salt.

It's been a productive day.