being an adult is being able to fall asleep in a room with a spider trap full of 50 dead spiders in the next room (also eating lots of Cheddar Bunnies)

s/o to Provo, kinda miss you a little

I think my body is probably 80% Cheddar Bunnies at this point. When I graduate, they will hand me a diploma and be like "Congrats on your thesis and matriculating through this program and uhhh also you have orange crumbs on your robe...??????"

The house I live in is very old. By "old" I mean it has a line out back (for those of you born after 1975, a "line" is something people hang their clothes to dry on). There are secret compartments all over the house, including a smallish door in the basement that is actually nAILED SHUT. That's straight from an M. Night Shyamalan movie! AND IT'S NEXT TO MY BEDROOM. Today I was sitting in our dining room and the mailman dropped off our mail, but it sounded like he was hammering on the side of the house. I realized then that we have a fancy mail chute, so it starts at the front door and ends in the dining room.

The dining room + front room resemble the house from Jumanji, which isn't necessarily good because in case you didn't see that movie BAD THINGS HAPPENED IN THAT HOUSE. And then there's the spider issue, which I don't really want to write about because the only way I'm successfully coping with it right now is to pretend it doesn't exist. So if you're prone to extreme fears about spiders maybe skip this next part (no pictures because I'm not a masochist).

On Saturday eve I walked into my room and saw the biggest spider ever known to my eyeballs, and he was crawling on the wall next to my bed. I screamed a little, cried some fire tears (sort of) and tried to figure out how to kill him without him jumping on me because in my mind all spiders' legs are spring-loaded. I found the spider spray which is conveniently located on the wall outside my room (it's like they knew...wait) and gave the spider its last rites (which was just me doing some rendition of a warrior cry, probably sounded more like a pterodactyl getting hit by a bus though). Then I killed it. Then I walked into the hallway and found its brother coming towards me. THEN I turned to my left and saw a spider trap fULL OF PROBABLY 50 MORE OF HIS DEAD BROTHERS AND THEN I SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE.

Not really. But I didn't sleep for 2 days.

As I arrived at class on Monday morning with zombie eyes and sweatback like nobody's bidez (Old Main Hill=the ultimate thighmaster/and all the other body parts-master), my overeager student who had arrived thirty minutes early saw me walk up to the front and he was like "Ummmmmmm hi hello you're like way too young." *P.S. I'm totally hyperbolizing what he said because I'm not allowed to quote students verbatim on the internetz* So I just kept messing with the projector and he, very concerned about his teacher's age and wanting to press her further because if he didn't find out her age GOSHDANGIT he was gonna probably do nothing about it but ANYWAY--he said, "You look....young." He said the word "young" like it didn't taste very good to him. Like he was being forced to eat some canned green beans.

And I just looked at him with steel eyes*

*zombie eyes

And I whipped my hair authoritatively*

*tried to give my neck some air because of the aforementioned sweat

And I said,

"Thank you."

School is going gr8 so far. I haven't told my students about this blog yet and I don't think I will until they graduate. Gotta keep an air of mystery, right?