is it bad that I'm eating corn chips at 10:49 pm? wait don't answer that.

Well, here I am, blogging uh-gain even though I really shouldn't be allowed to. I don't mean after 10pm. I mean ever. But guess what, this is 'Merica! And I also feel a civic duty to provide you with your daily dose of awkwardness, as well as some good reaction gifs.

For example. I stumbled upon these gifs this afternoon and it made my life. MY LIFE. I laughed until I fell off of my bed. Yeah, that really happened. I don't lie up in here. This is the internet. Ain't nobody got time to lie on the internet. #jokes

I'm totally going to regret writing this later. I can just imagine waking up tomorrow in a haze and thinking "W-w-wait..what did I do last night? I ate some chips...there was that incident with the dumpster...oh wait...and...AW man! I blogged again!"

I can't decide which is funnier, the people tripping over a flat surface or the person barfing in the foreground. I mean.

I don't even know what I was planning on writing. I can't even think of anything awkward that happened to me today, except for the brief 20 minute period in which I was carrying two cans of tuna in my coat pockets. I wasn't shoplifting. I wasn't even at work. I was going to FHE! It's not like I normally find weird things in my pockets...

Usually it's my bed that houses strange objects. Back in college-times I'd be too lazy to get out of bed to eat (every day was breakfast in bed, holla), so I'd have dinner while doing homework, in bed, and then the next day I'd be studying again and feel something weird against my back, and be like "Oh man, there's a bowl in my bed!"

Don't worry mom, that was only freshman year. I grew out of it. Now I just find stuff in my pockets apparently. Last week I found an entire cup in my coat pocket. I think my water bottle was dirty or something.

Oh and speaking of tonight, after I took out the tuna, I found a label from my workplace in my coat pocket, and stuck it on my nose, then cheek, which was followed by a brief stint on my forehead. Still in public.

What a world.

I'm taking the GRE on Saturday. Ha. HAHAHA. No but really. Why am I doing this. Goodnight, homefries.

should I try to be extroverted or should I light myself on fire?

i don't know why this is here but i'm going to leave it.

So. Last night I went to Target for one thing (I can just hear all the women in the world laughing right now). It's always an exercise in self-control. As soon as I see the red signs in the clothing section, I give up hope. You'll be proud (?) to know that I went in for a folder-organizer-thingy (a.k.a a plastic accordion that sadly does not make music), and not only came out with that, but just one shirt, and a beanie. And two notebooks. But they had mEtallic STRIPES on them?!!! It's not a question. Just me making excuses. I go through journals fast, okay?

Whilst I was in Target, I had a #peopleofwalmart experience. This is rare because how can you have a People of Wal-Mart experience in Target?! Or any other store for that matter.... Well, the thing is, the people of Wal-Mart are actually just people, and they can shop wherever the heck they want to. Last night, two of them were in the delicates section at Target. BT-dubs, I am not talking about deli meat when I say "delicates."

*Sidenote. I once went to a Battle of the Sexes thing in my singles ward. They did a "what he said, what she said" poll, in which they asked boys questions only girls would know the answers to, and vice versa. Well, one of the questions they asked the boys was "Where would you find delicates in a store?" And some of them actually answered "At the deli." ?????????????

Okay, so back to People of Wal-Mart, or People of Earth Who Ride in Motorized Wheelchairs But Definitely Don't Need To But They Are Deliberately Doing So In Order to Patronize Others Who Are Just Using Their Poor Exposed Legs to Walk Around.

Yes. Two people, a couple, were riding in those motorized chairs, in the delicates section, but were not riding around very delicately, if you know what I am saying. I saw at least three people almost get run over/backed into by this couple, who were simultaneously running into every clothing rack they could and spouting "ARE THESE SOCKS ON SALE HEY HEY ARE THESE ON SALE!" Not a question. Just a declaration to whichever employee dared to come close. BANG. There goes another clothing rack. Or was that a small child....?

I tried to maneuver myself around them so I could go look at the tights, because the two of them were (quite awkwardly) blocking the walkway, and the man pushed "reverse" at the same time the woman pushed "drive" and yEAH it was a SITUATION. I saw my life flash before my eyes, and tried to summon my Eagle powers to get the heck out of there, but they had me trapped between their sweatpants-wearing legs. HEllllllpPPP.

I said a small prayer and tried to jump out from between them, and banged myself into a clothing rack (#irony), and the lady actually glared at me, but since I am trying to be more patient with persons in general, I summoned my most awkward tooth-smile and squeezed myself between the clothing rack and her motorized chair, while she continued to glare, and her husband/brother/fellow gang-member buzzed away matter-of-factly. Did you know you could buzz away matter-of-factly? I didn't, until I saw this guy do it.

Well then, in an effort to redeem myself for wanting to use a flamethrower on this particular couple (only in my head, not in real life, geez. I don't even own a flamethrower), I tried to compliment the girl who rang me out. She looked like she was having a bad day.

I complimented her on her headband. She said nothing. Didn't even look at me. This awkwardness caused the other people in line to look at me, though, and so I pretended I had been talking to myself instead. You know, pep-talks. Do you ever give yourself pep-talks? Out loud? In public?

Then I saw her hearing aid and realized she was deaf and so I took my bag and ran for the door. I probably looked a little something like this.

hashtag awkward.

Don't shop alone, kids. It's not safe. Not for me. Not for you. Not for anybody. Awkward people unIIIIIte. 

are you on your period? because you are ovary-acting

does anyone else say this in regular conversation? 

Okay, kids. Raise your hand if you found the leftover Halloween stash in your parents' coat closet and ate 5 pieces of chocolate without even breaking a sweat. 

.....so this is what it feels like to be an outcast. 

On Saturday I spent most of the day solo. This is not bad...actually it's really wise, at least for introverts like me, to get some solitude. In the summer, I would take bike rides for hours and just think. Now that it's colder, I take drives, but yesterday global warming was in full swing so I walked around campus after going to an art gallery. 

Oh art galleries. They refill me. Also used bookstores....I haven't been to one in way too long and I need that old book smell to revive my tired spirit.

I also really need a grand piano so I can just SHRED that ivory, if you know what I'm saying.

Anyway, so, walking on any campus gives me warm fuzzies. School is where I feel at home. I like libraries. And sitting at a desk and taking notes. I guess I'm a nerd. Not sorry.

The only problem with thinking time is that it often turns me into Emo Kenzie. Emo Kenzie is either super happy and content or super worried and crying. So that was me yesterday. It was a situation.

So I took myself to a place on campus that had a good view of Provo, and I looked at the temple, and said a long prayer, and let the words flow out of me, and tried to make sure faith was attached to them. 

And something told me it was going to be okay. So I'm going to believe that voice, instead of the one that tells me to worry or be afraid. 

ugh, writer's block. also why does nobody read this anymore.

is it because I stopped posting unicorn pictures? you GUYZ. It's not that hard to get your unicorn fix. There is google. Just saying. And this video game, which you should download. It's the only game on my device, SO.

I want to write things that are meaningful. I want to write things that make people go "huh" or "ohhh" or "sweet action daddy-crackin'!" You know?! Well, it's hard to want to write when nobody is reading. Or commenting. COMMENT. I beg you. I'm becoming one of those bloggers but, anyway, I digress. I shouldn't be writing this at all. This is a result of some classic Saturday night boredom.

Here is another result of aforementioned boredom:

See what I mean? Is there such a thing as drunk-blogging? You know, like drunk-dialing, only blogging, and not being drunk, just tired? Well, that's what this is. #justified

I actually have like 5 unfinished posts sitting in my drafts. Posts about nothing really, but I mean, this blog doesn't exactly have a theme. It's just me being me. I don't have a theme.

You know how instagram has those "10 random facts about me" things? Well, since this is a completely random post, constructed solely for my own entertainment on a Saturday night, I'm going to do that now. And I think someday it will go on my "about me" page. If I ever become famous enough to have one of those. #jokes

1. I'm weird and I like to park far away from the grocery store/mall/movie theater/whatever building I happen to be going to. I like to walk. Is that weird? Gimme the boonies! 
2. I still do Perdiddles even when I'm driving by myself. And I just realized how terribly awkward that sounds when I type it out. Halp. P.S. does everyone know what a Perdiddle is or do I really sound like a fool now? 
3. I always spend 30 minutes on Netflix surfing through dumb movies/shows, and sometimes even start one, just to find out that it's lame, and then I watch Office re-runs. Every dang time.
4. I like to eat the burnt ends of french fries. Srsly. Also I can't bring myself to eat the ends of bananas or carrots. ??? Don't ask. I don't have the answer.
5. I wish it was autumn/winter almost all the time because then I could wear beanies all the time! See that one I'm wearing in those pictures? I've been wearing it for 3 days. THREE DAYS. Of course I showered. Gosh. 
6. I like my ice cream to be frozen solid when I eat it. As in, chewable. Those people who drink milkshakes are weird.
7. I wake up almost every day with a Michael Jackson song in my head. However, this morning I woke up with "The Swagger Wagon" song in heavy rotation, sooo. Who knows. My mind thinks I am black. It's fine.
8. I spend an unreasonable amount of time looking at food blogs and reading cookbooks. Yes, I read cookbooks for fun. I LIKE FOOD. SUE ME.
9. I still jump on the bed to psych myself out for scary things, like first dates. And listen to certain songs very loudly. This one is a classic.
10. I like having painted nails, but my nail polish never stays looking good for very long, which annoys me, but never enough for me to paint over them, so my nails are perpetually gross looking. Does anybody care about this? Didn't think so.

OVER AND OUT, HOMIES.

just some words on a friday afternoon

image via pinterest

I have a lot to say, and yet I can't seem to find the words. I wish I could invent a whole lot of words for the things I feel. Then maybe life wouldn't be so confusing. If we could understand what we felt, and put words to them, and string them out across a page or a computer screen, they might be easier to decipher.

I'm learning a lot of hard lessons right now. But I'm also re-learning some of the basics I think everyone who's a "wise old adult" tells you you'll learn. It's true, yo. The only way to learn them is to experience them. And let me tell you, the experience hurts. Every time something uncomfortable happens to me, I feel broken open again. Exposed. And it makes me feel just like a skinned knee. 

But guess what...skinned knees heal. They leave lovely scars (and I have plenty of those. #klutzbomb), but they heal. And they teach you not to climb trees with weak branches. #metaphor? #dontknow #maybeillfigureitoutlater

I'm sure that I'll look back on this time, like I have with every trial in life, and be grateful for the person it forced me to become. I'm trying to focus all my prayers lately on that word--"becoming." Help me become who You want me to be. Help my heart to change. Help me to bend.

These quotes right here encompass all the things I can't say. Hopefully they will help whoever's reading this, too. Just don't give up. No matter what you're facing--don't give up. If Christ had given up, then we'd all be in a much worse state than we are. So go to Him first. Then, no matter how hard it is, keep going.

Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.

— Caroline Myss

To us, waiting is wasting. To God, waiting is working.

— Louie Giglio

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could be.

— Charles DuBois