I saw a Chris Pine lookalike today!

the grand catyon

No I didn't. I mean, I really didn't guys, but I figured it would be a good hook for some of you. Did it work? Did anybody just immediately close the tab after recognizing the ruse?

Sorry. I'll never be glob-famous (that was supposed to say blog but it came out "glob" and that makes way more sense and hey, now we all know that "glob" is an anagram for "blog").

Sometimes I think "Nobody even reads this so I should just say what I want."

SOMETIMES I DON'T WEAR A BRA TO WORK. OR ANYWHERE.

SOMETIMES I GET A TEXT FROM SOMEONE AND DON'T TEXT THEM BACK FOR LIKE TWO DAYS BECAUSE I FORGET AND THEN WHEN I REMEMBER I STILL DON'T TEXT THEM BACK.

SOMETIMES I SAY "HELL" WITH AN ACCENT SO IT SOUNDS LIKE "HEWWW" BUT IT'S STILL A SWEAR AND I HATE THAT I DO THAT.

SOMETIMES I PICK UP A BOOK AND READ THE FIRST LINE AND IMMEDIATELY WANT TO BURN THE BOOK. I'M LOOKING AT YOU "BOSSYPANTS."

SOMETIMES I CRY WHEN I LISTEN TO CERTAIN PODCASTS BECAUSE HUMANITYYYY.

But then I think, "Wait. I already say whatever I want."

Don't change who you are, people. Not for anybody!

And don't eat gluten-free bread, it tastes like a tasteless baked potato that's been sitting in the sun for five years.

I'm writing this while laying on my stomach with a hot pad underneath me. That's right, you guessed it. My monthly subscription came. The one I never signed up for. When I did not get into BYU, Trent (my frand) was super annoyed and then he said "Well whatever, they don't deserve you if they didn't like your period story." Thanks Trent. And thanks, Utah State, for being open-minded about period stories. ??????

For the record, I didn't send them that specific story in my application but I may have referenced it when I asked a former professor for a recommendation. It may have slipped out. Of my fingers. Onto the keyboard. WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING ANYMORE.

In other news, the following things have made me cry in the past seven days:

• the new Star Wars trailer (I'm not even kidding. It was the music that slayed me, really)
• a bad dream involving me flying to Oregon to see my bestest Lizzy who then informed me that there was family drama going on and p.s. a sniper in the neighborhood so I had to go home and I remember thinking "But I just got here!" *Sandlot reference* *do any 90's kids read this?*
• all the things
• because I have that monthly subscription
• I would rather get National Geographic tbh
• a new Justin Vernon song hahahahahaha I need to be sedated

{this} {is} {serious}

mom.

I debated posting this at all but I really had to just sayyyy it.

JUST LISTEN OK.

I read a lot of blogs, probably way too many, probably just like everyone else who has a blog. We like to keep up on each other, you know? Girls. Girls are always sizing each other up. Not in a bad way, usually. That's what I'm trying to say--I like to be around girls who inspire and uplift. I wrote about this before but I need to say it again, and this applies to everyone. There is a trend circulating around the internet, and consequentially, around the whole of society, that has a lot to do with being better than everyone.

I'm not just talking about materialism, although that could be another blog post, probably. I don't want to write that one, though. Somebody else talk about materialism! Whatever. The point is, this whole "I am better because I'm an intellectual" thing....is stale. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Since when is it okay to step on other people because you can use big words and read The New Yorker? Since when???

I'm not trying to be crass or jokey right now but I know I come off that way sometimes. Like I treat too many things lightly. Well this is seeerious bidnez. I get so tired, so exhausted, from reading article after article about any topic really, with that condescending tone. I don't even know how to explain it, but I keep seeing it in the media. Usually has things like this:

• demanding something, like a right they don't have, and crucifying anybody who does not have this same view
• making fun of someone who has a different opinion/OR IS JUST PLAIN DIFFERENT
• straight up mocking people who are good, good people and also humble, meek, and therefore you won't ever hear them saying "I am such a good person." 

It's that last one that is bothering me the most right now. I recently saw a Twitter feed (not even gonna bring up the subject because that's a can of worms) and it started out innocently enough. Someone expressed their opinion. The end. Or not. Because then someone else disagreed with her, and it was like that person who disagreed was not very smart or open-minded. She was a dumb sheep. Not explicitly said, but implied by the original author of the tweet and those who backed her up in responses.

*insert burning fire emoji* 

I cannot handle these types of conversations, on the internet or in real life. Sadly, I don't think you'd see that type of conversation  very often in real life because people are a lot meaner on the internet. A really gross and terrible fact. It's times like these in which I have to step back and say "Ok. Guess what, McKenzie. You don't have to take other people's opinions to heart."

Take other people's opinions lightly. VERY lightly.

Obviously, you are not going to agree with everyone about everything. That is certain. But that doesn't give you the right to say "You are a stupid and dumb human because you have a different opinion than me." Nope. Because that person is still a human being. Ok, what if they are wrong? It's ok...it's not your problem, not really. You've stated how you feel and that is the end. It's great that you are willing to stand up for your opinions and your beliefs! But then to attack the person...? No thank you.

I have so many good women in my life. So many, and there is a common trait in all of them that I want to emulate: kindness. I know, kindness isn't trendy right now. Being right is. How did Christ teach others? He, the most perfect person to ever walk the earth, was also the most humble, and most kind. He never made anybody feel less because they didn't understand something or because they sinned. And we all sin. But did anyone ever hear Him say "I am perfect! I know everything! So if you don't agree with me you are really stupid!' No! The message was always delivered as an invitation, and it emanated perfect kindness. I don't understand why people think using coercion and bullying and passive aggression will ever work. It does not work. It only repels.

The women I want to be like are smart, but they aren't puffed up. They are kind, but not to gain something in return. They are gentle, because every human needs that. And they are all of these things without saying a word--you probably haven't heard them brag very much about how awesome they are. They just are. Like my mom (that's why her picture is up there, and ok, she's cute too). 

Sorry this was a jabbering mess. But SRSLY had to get it off my chest.

BE NICE!

(I recognize how ironic it was that I put that it in all caps...)

I have had peanut butter cups in my possession for 7 DAYS

a note to you from me. whoever is reading this.

yeah, you. 

You guys, we need to be nicer humans. Me and you and all of everyone. Not just to others (and we should be that too). I mean, like, to ourselves. To our "chothers" (pronounced CHUHH-thurz), as my Spanish professor would say. If you had a friend that talked to you like you talk to yourself, would you be friends with that person? OMG I hated that sentence. Agh! See?! Being a jerk to myself again. *I will not criticize my own grammar or others', amen* *unless they ask me to, please bless that they ask me to*

And now, in the spirit of being a generally pleasant human, here is a list of things I think we should give people awards for but we don't (you probably fit the description of many of these, so go have a peanut butter cup to celebrate! C'MON DO IT! IT'S MY BLOG AND I'M TELLING YOU THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT).

CongRATZ! FOrrrr:

• having peanut butter cups for longer than 2 days and not eating them
• being able to turn pages in books without licking your fingers 
• not saying "bless you" each and every time after someone sneezes
• using your turn signal
• wearing sunblock
• wearing a helmet if you're riding a motorcycle, especially on the freeway b/c SRSLY don't mess with gravity
• looking like Chris Pine (haven't met anybody who gets this award yet, except for Chris Pine. Wait I haven't met him.)
• being able to dip a chip without it breaking into the dip
• not crying when someone yells at you
• crying but doing the thing anyway (has been mentioned before but it's iMPORTANT)
• not getting the mascara crease on your eyelid 
• not leaving the house with conditioner stuck in your ear
• resisting the urge to fist-bump, unless you're try'na be ironic. Jk. Not jk.
• being good at making quesadillas
• being good at making scrambled eggs
• being good at making pizza
• being good at making all of McKenzie's favorite foods
• knowing how to sight-read music
• being willing to say opening/closing prayers in church
• being nice to babies/children even if they are screaming 
• BEING GOOD AT BACK RUBS/FOOT RUBS/BACK POPPING
• knowing how/when to use the right emoji
• recycling 
• ^^that's not even a joKE, by the way
• being able to cuddle a cat w/out it scratching your face
• being able to get a car wash and not having a bird destroy your car the next day (I do not possess this talent, tragically)
• being able to shave your legs without missing a spot on your kneecaps every time
• not being a klutzbomb all the time. but if you are one, that's ok too. Regular Bombs and Klutzbombs are welcome on my blog. 
• NOT LIKE REAL LIFE BOMBS THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.
• being able to listen to Simon & Garfunkel without crying
• not being one of those people who photoshops Nicolas Cage's face onto muffins or lizards or pregnant women or Disney princesses OR ANYTHING REALLY NOT ANYTHING

my mom would will be proud of this one.

"with a full heart and a fuller bladder I write these words"

^^Actual excerpt from my journal a few days ago. What a wonderful world.

Whitney, this post is for you because you said every time you try to write on your blog, mine distracts you. I feel almost as powerful as the internet in this regard. I thank you.

brief (?????) list of embarrassing garbage that has happened to me in the past 7 days:

1. I was at an intersection and a piece of my car fell off. Yeah, it lit'rally just fell off, but was still hanging on for life with its poor little 30-year-old rubber fingers (it was...a piece of rubber). So I sat there all embarrassed at this piece of rubber flying inconspicuously in the wind, and a semi-attractive guy started to cross the street in front of me (he was a 7.5, in case you were wondering). He was doing the whole stare-at-someone-for-so-long-that-you-have-to-turn-your-head-to-keep-staring-at-them, and since I knew what I looked like that day (#ovaryacting), I figured he was probably staring at the rubber. I was right. Sort of. Because when he had finally crossed the street, he turned back and shout-whispered "I LIKE YOUR CAR!" I should've known he was not staring deeply into my eyes. Also, I was wearing sunglasses. So. 
2. I was on a date and my head was in between two bookshelves (you think I'm making this up, don't you). I don't even know what happened, but I hit my head real hard on the top shelf. Does this story sound familiar? Oh, it doesn't? Because the same thing happened like 8 months ago, except I was bouncing on my bed and hit my head (don't turn this into a rap song, srsly. I know Jay-Z is reading this). And that time I really did get concussed. Both times I had no reaction other than nervous laughter followed by hysterical laughter followed by me thinking "Should I go to the hospital???? Nah." *passes out*
3. i AM CRAVING TORTILLAS SO BAD RIGHT NOW HELP
4. ^^not part of the embarrassing montage, but at least I gave you a guys a break. I hope you took advantage of the five seconds.
5. I was at work and I answered the phone. This is how the conversation went:

me: such-and-such workplace, how can I help you?
person: FISH! FISH!
me: Ummmm???????????? Sorry, what was that?
person: FISH!!! (I wish there was a way to emphasize this word more than just putting it in all caps, because that's how it sounded. MORE THAN ALL CAPS)
person: F-I-S-H, fish.
me: oh, right. yeah. yeah? we have some??? we have fish.
person: TROUT? RAINBOW TROUT?!?!?
me: no. we have these kinds tho *names off three kinds of fish, one fish, two fish, blue fish, etc, jk I didn't say that*
person: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID?
me: *starts crying*
me: *jk*
person: MILK?! RAW MILK!!!!!
me: yes. we have it. (I was getting real good at conversing with this person)
person: GOATS MILK!!
me: no.
person: *hangs up*

Finally, the fact that my high school mascot was the Caveman was finally useful to me.

6. I dreamt that I was knitting sweaters outside of the bathroom at work. My boss kept walking back to use the bathroom but every time she saw me she would get disgusted and walk away. I wasn't even naked. Just knitting. What's wrong with knitting? Sidenote: I rly wish I had that sweater I was knitting. It was like I was channeling my inner Mrs. Weasley. Do I have such a thing IRL??????

Wow, only six embarrassing moments. That I can remember, anyway.

And now I'm gonna go make tortillas and ride my bike, because it snowed yesterday. Or whatever.

just keepin it rillz at 12 in the AM

bananas should have zippers. they should. trust me.

throwback to two years ago when nothing was different 

and Ellie used my body as a trampoline

I was thinking last night, as I sometimes do, that bananas should really have zippers. Why you ask? Because, you guys. Because. Then we would no longer have to deal with touching the squishy stringy tops of bananas (or bottoms, if you're cray and you peel your bananas upside down and I have met some humans that do this, bless their souls). We wouldn't have to smash them when we peeled them open, like I always manage to do. This, of course, has nothing to do wit the fact that I like my bananas to have green tips and therefore no brown spots and therefore they are sort of hard to open in this state.

THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR OR EVEN A JOKE IT IS SERIOUS.

I should never blog after 10pm.

I moved home like a week ago and since then I have noticed that my little sister is a tad less...teenager-y. She's not quite pubescent yet but I think when I'm around she's slightly more cheerful and I like that. Being the someone that someone shorter/younger looks up to feels really good. Especially when that shorter person lectures you on dating (which she does. every.day.)

"McKenzie, did you ever kiss anybody?"
"Mmmmhmm."
"What! WHO. WHO DID YOU KISS."
"(fill in the blank obvi I'm not naming names, ew)"
"Do mom and dad know?"
*shoulder shrug emoji* *I am too old to be having this convo with my 11-yo-sister*
"Did you have a crush on them?"
"A crush? Well we were dating."
"I know but did you like them?"
"Yes I had a crush on them."
"Good because you can't just be dating you also have to have a crush."
"...."
"I almost had a crush in first grade but then I stopped myself."
*crashes car into ravine*

JK I didn't actually do that but I might as well have. It's hard to drive and laugh/cry at the same time. Also hard to drive, laugh/cry, and see out your window when you haven't gotten a car wash since 2014.

When we got home later and were assembling desserts, Ellie blurted out, "Mom, dad, did you know McKenzie kissed ___?"

Does anybody want whipped cream, orrrrrrrrr

Two thumbs up for kissing and three thumbs up for whipped cream.

gOODNIGHT.