the best (or worst) $2.75 I ever spent, or An Ode to ZzQuil

can't sleep, won't sleep

I haven't been able to sleep for a month, so yesterday I took matters into my own hands and got some drugz. So what I'm really saying is I put my agency into the hands of a pill bottle. Or something like that.

Everyone knows that I don't do drugs; drugs do me.

Despite the fact that I woke up feeling like I was full of Jell-O, I don't think that was too bad. I came out pretty unscathed. Can't say the same for my stuffed llama though...(I found him hurled to the other side of the room this morning which means I probably threw him in my sleep. Sorry Skeeter).

Anyway, this whole not sleeping bidnez has awoken me (ha! #jokes) to other problems in my life which I have chosen not to face, for whatever dumb natural-man reason. And so, I've decided to disconnect from things that distract me or give me negative feelings. Srsly. I don't have time anymore to be feeling badly about things I cannot control.

It's time to treat mah-self, if that makes any sense. Time to take care of me, and choose myself. It sounds like a no-brainer but I have a hard time with it. I give too much to others and don't leave any for myself. I bet there's some of you reading this who do the same...well, cut it out, dangit. Just stop.

And now, that "ode" I promised you. It makes perfect poetic sense to write this, you know. Most Romantic poets wrote craaazy stuff when they were high on Opium (cough Samuel Coleridge cough). I mean, c'mon. Kubla Khan? Nobody knows what the h that is about. Nobody. Not even ol' Sammy himself. And yes, I was suffering from the hangover that 4 (and I do mean FOUR) sleeping pills caused me.

I could have spent that $2.75 on a Slurpee... (still working on a title)
sometimes I'm sleepy but I just can't sleep
you'd think it were easy to just count sheep
but alas I'm awake and it's 2 AM
so I think I'll make some toast to go with this jam
(stomach grumbles)

one hour later and I've finished Harry Potter...
...Books one through four, now I'm parched for water
I go to the kitchen and what do I see?
A giant Bengal tiger climbing our tree!

I yelp like a kid on the last day of school,
Just want him to know I ain't no fool
He gives me a wink and leaps to the ground,
Which causes an earthquake and an awful sound

The ceiling above my head starts to give way
"Dadgumit I never thought I would go this way!" (I say)
So I eat the peanut butter sandwich which appears in my hand
And I raise the roof, I take a stand (lit'rally)

My roommates wake up, they're glad I was there
To save their lives quickly in the midst of a scare
To think that my insomnia actually saved lives!
When usually it turns me into a zombie with crazy eyes

They're hoisting me on shoulders, grabbing Gatorade
No doubt to pour on my head but I'm still afraid
This is all a dream! No, it couldn't be
I never fell asleep because my brain's on a spree!

But wait--my eyes open, they feel like lead
And here all this time I was laying in bed.
I realize the whole thing was a movie in my brain
And I'm sad cuz I really wanted to taste that Gatorade Rain.

EL FIN

Guys. I wrote that in 20 minutes. I know it's terrible. Just...just...yeah. Does anyone else think ZzQuil sounds like a rapper name? Did you know there's such thing as a Rapper Name Generator? You're welcome.

Today I feel like the boy who did this worksheet.

Alwayz and forever, you guys.

whatever that means...