my students in Mexico+the cake they made me with the intention to shove my face in it
(but I stopped that train before it left the station, you feel me?)
As I write this, Radiohead is playing in my ears--not "Creep." I feel like I should clarify that. I'm eating a piece of really good Mexican chocolate, which is simultaneously bringing me back to that one night in Oaxaca City two years ago, when we dragged our suitcases down the cobblestone streets (not as romantic as it sounds...actually it gives your hands awful cramps), trying to find "Chocolate Street." The tourist books we had were wrong, because everybody knows every street in Oaxaca is "Chocolate Street." It's practically pouring out of the cathedral windows in the centro. You can smell that spicy-sweet cinnamon smell everywhere, along with some other smells which I won't go into detail about on this blog. You know?
So, Mexico.
I almost didn't go to Mexico. I almost didn't go to Rexburg for school, either! Good thing the Spirit is pretty pesky about those things, and by "those things" I mean the things that scare us into paralysis, and make us think "Ohhh no, I am not doing that. Nope, nope, nope. I'll just stay right here in my comfort bubble." Most of the time, though, the Spirit nudges us to do things that, in reality, we really do wanna do, but don't think we have the skills/guts/stamina/brains to do. But hey, God is a really good sculptor (at least, that's the word on the street)! Right? I mean, whenever I get scared about doing something really outside of my usual comfort zone, I think "God hasn't ever led me astray before...so why would He do it this time?"
God doesn't trick us into doing anything. He lets us choose, and sometimes we choose wrong, and that's a pain, but then the Atonement helps out with that, too (different post, different post, you guys). He's trying to make us more. He's trying to help us become. I recently stumbled on this quote which said everything. You know how it goes. When you're looking for an answer, you can find it pretty quickly (and sometimes in really unexpected places!).
from this talk right here
So, God is giving us all these fear-challenging experiences because He wants our faith in him to get really strong. I mean move-that-mountain-over-there strong. He did it with Moses. He did it with Joseph Smith. And it wasn't exactly an easy road for them. You guys. Lots of people thought (and still think) Joseph Smith was a fraud. But he didn't ever deny what he had seen. He didn't cast away his confidence, as Satan gets us to do oftentimes because he makes us feel inadequate. He makes us freeze up. "Oh shoot....I mean, I know I felt good about that decision/feeling/revelation at the time, but now that I have to do it I'm not so sure."
As soon as I decided to go to Mexico, I was pretty dang sure it was right. So I moved ahead with it. As the date for me to leave got closer, I started to feel a little panicky. That familiar feeling we all know very well--fear. I had a crush on this boy, and I thought "Hey maybe this is supposed to go somewhere...maybe I'm not supposed to go to Mexico." But I had lots of inner-conversation with myself, and I knew that wasn't really the plan. Still, I wasn't 100% convinced. I started to tell myself that going to Mexico "wasn't like me." This is another tactic of the adversary.
He makes us think this amazing, spectacular, awesome thing we are about to embark on isn't "like us" because we haven't ever done it before. He makes us feel inadequate and ill-suited for the task. Haven't you ever noticed that Satan is all about tearing things down? He wants us to be miserable. God, on the other hand, is in the business of building us up. So if God is telling you to do this awesome-but-kinda-scary thing, you can bet it's going to change you for the better. And He will help you. And yeah, maybe it isn't like you to do this crazy awesome thing, but just because you haven't done it before doesn't mean it can't become a part of who you are.
Take Nephi. Nephi had to build a ship, and he'd never done that before. A ship to cross the ocean. So obviously this wasn't just a Boy Scout model. It was grade-A, Pirates of the Caribbean-style ship. And he built it! But he didn't do it alone. He believed what God told him:
"And I will also be your light in the wilderness; and I will prepare the way before you, if it so be that ye shall keep my commandments; wherefore, inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall be led towards the promised land; and ye shall know that it is by me that ye are led." (1st Nephi 17:13)
A couple of Sundays before I left for Mexico, I asked my bishop for a blessing. I was nervous and still unsure about what I was doing. Lit'rally. I kept looking at my packing list and saying "What am I doing?!?" In the blessing, he basically indicated that there were people and experiences waiting for me in Mexico and I needed to go. It was right! And I think I had faith in that, but I didn't know it for sure until that moment. I knew it would be just fine. The next day I got a phone call with my flight iterinary info, and I remember feeling perfectly at peace after listening to that message. I listened to it over and over. I was even sitting next to my crush in the library when I got the message. I looked at him, and back to my phone, him, back to my phone again. And the Spirit said "Mexico."
I think all of this is what growing up is. Making decisions that aren't really easy, but you know they're right, and in the end, they make you a much better person than you thought you could be. That's what God is all about. Helping us live up to our potential that He always saw in us, but we couldn't even imagine.
Now go listen to some good get-up music (I've provided the proper music video in that link. Trust me.) and go do that thing that you've been thinking you should probably do for awhile. Just do it! Nike style! Like hike a pyramid maybe! But don't do it right after you've taken Dramamine, because then you'll fall asleep at the top!
...not like that happened to me or anything.
....
