things I will probably needlepoint onto a billboard

I can now say that unironically because I ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO NEEDLEPOINT.

Welcome to the Millennial Old Lady Phenomenon. I did in fact just make that up (obviously).

But you know it's true. Millenials are the new hipster, and hipsters were always just old people in disguise.

Hence my penchant for embroidery and wearing huge clothes that don't fit.

Here is a list I made in the middle of my social media fast (what, you don't struggle with giving up social media? What are you, a robot?):

things to embroider on a piece of fabric or maybe a billboard cuz that would be better:

• stop adding extra vowels to your children's names
• worry about yourself (oh no, but then we couldn't speculate about stranger's lives on social media?! REVOLUTIONARY)
• scream into a pillow, you probably won't feel better but at least you'll get to scream
• you can correct people's grammar or you can have friends
•  when you feel yourself starting to compare, SWERVE (this might not be a good billboard) (for safety reasons)
• live your life like the person who invented toast--they saw a piece of bread and went "cook it again," wow
• don't turn down the music in my car to speak to me--do you think your conversation is more important than this absolute banger?
• solo night drives are at the bottom of the food pyramid
• do you ever look at the ocean and think "sure is some scary soup!"
• space fact: if you look up, there it is
• the magic is in you. but it's also in microwaveable macaroni and cheese.
• when I catch my big break and show up to the academy awards wearing my old EFY shirt and some beat-up vans it's over for you hoes
• facing confrontation? sneeze yourself into another dimension
• any room is a crying room if you cry in it
• it's called oPENING, not "unboxing," you absolute pancakes
• it's okay to be OK (oklahoma)
• a warm bed. food to eat. walking back into the kitchen right as the microwave beeps. (this has been a poem)
• I'm sorry I watched an episode without you  

THANKS FOR BEING HERE

SORRY I'M YELLING IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE TIMES

maybe adele should've thought about texting instead

Why is that the title of this blog post?

Because the first thing I was going to type was hello. And then it started. Y'know, when your brain just snaps to attention like a dog watching a laser or a ball or...yeah, anyway, it's like that, but you have no clue how your brain could be that fast.

Do you ever smell a certain smell and then all of a sudden you're buried under an avalanche of emotions? Because that smell is actually the exact same smell of your kindergarten classroom? Yeah. Me neither.

So what I'm SAYING is, Adele, you should think about texting your past lovers instead of calling them, because it's awkward anyway to call someone who's married and tell them you're still in love with them. His family could be listening.

Wow, wut the heck is this post so far?

I was reading on one of those dumb internet forums where people (mostly women) complain about other bloggers and their "perfect" lives (*choking noises*). And somebody had posted that they REALLY hated how much this blogger loved her husband. She was like "Uh, yeEAH, my sister told me to never read a newlywed's blog--not until they've been married 5+ years and reality starts to set in."

Huh???????????????????

First of all, if you honestly have time to write on a forum about how much you hate someone else's relationship because it's affectionate, then...maybe you should get a relationship. Even if it's with yo'self. Like, get some love in yo life, girl! If THIS is what we're complaining about, then I think I'm going to just give up. I want the internet to stop.

Secondly, if you don't like reading someone's blog...DON'T READ IT OKAY GOODBYE I SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM.

Hmmm, what else can I rant about?!

How about the number of accidents I have had since working in the library.

Accident #1: I was wearing a sort-of-long skirt (past my knees? is that long? well, if you're 5'2 it is). And I was running up some stairs. And my skirt kinda...got caught underneath me. And I tripped on it while simultaneously yanking it down off my hips. And there was a guy standing there, doing the whole *reaching out arms helpelessly unsure if I should help SOS* gesture, and I just waved him away, like "Yes...you did see that...but no....do not help me...because then other people will look down and see me laying here in my garments."

COOL.

Accident #2: I was filling up my water bottle at the "water bottle filling station." It's like a fancy spout attached to the drinking fountain so you don't have to tilt your water bottle, basically. Anywho, I was using it, and a line started to form behind me, so I started to feel stressed, and did not put the cap back on my bottle as I turned away from the fountain. And guess what, there's a wall next to the fountain, and I ran straight into it, splooshing water up into my face and hair. Again, I waved at everyone as if on parade and ran to a class I was teaching...hair still dripping.

I shall now end this blog post with a list, and then I'll have run the gamut of all the different types of things I blog about (all three things: ranting, embarrassing moments, and lists).

things I have realized recently:

1. It's okay to love fall, but not okay to talk about loving fall (on the internet), because then you are unoriginal. However, talk about any other season and people won't bat an eye. Another example of the internet ruining things that are perfectly a-okay fine. GO AHEAD, LOVE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
2. I really like watching videos of people eating hot wings/spicy peppers. Preferably in some kind of contest. Why do I like this? 
3. I think Instagram has killed blogging. You know, the normal kind of blogging that used to be popular before we replaced it with "long captions." Not fashion blogging or sponsored posts, but REAL stuff. I miss that. I'm going to try and write more even if nobody reads it but me.
4. Part of growing old is having weird chin hairs. That's right, chin hairs. I use a little razor to get them off (get this, the razors are called "Tinkle Razors"), and I've decided if this is all that getting old entails, I can handle it. I can adapt. I can buy Tinkle Razors. 
5. I am going to have a runny nose for the next 8 months. 
6. God gave me Houston because his body temperature is 20 degrees more than mine, therefore he is a human heater. It's those little things.

whatta guy

this granolie bar is ten levels below gross but I'm still eating it

me @ the internet, social media, newspapers, and almost everyone during election season. 

and Larabars. 

Once, like six years ago, I ran a Ragnar (for the first and last time, R(eeses) I(n) P(ieces) my body). We ate bananas and candy and those Goo packs which hardly need to be digested at all (and aren't really, if I'm being disgustingly honest). And we ate Larabars.

Larabars are healthy granola bars, basically made for people on Whole 30. That's because they're fruit, dates, and nuts, all mashed up and pressed into a rectangular mold and then given very deceptive names like "Brownie" and "Cashew Cookie" and "Key Lime Pie." When John tasted the Key Lime pie Larabar for the first time, he said, "Bleh, PineSol!" I'm eating a Larabar right now. /end story

I am *this* close to deleting my Facebook because the election.

I am also *this* close to deleting my brain because it's now "that time" (whatever that even means). Last night when I opened my textbook I heard myself saying "No, thanks." Senioritis has officially begun, and not a day late.

I have run into like ten students (current and former) this week, and only one has acknowledged me. Students, if you think running into your teacher is awkward, just remember it's 10x worse for them, cuz we already have to stand in front of you 2-3 times a week and pretend like we know what we're doing, and then when we see you on campus and wave to you for like five minutes without you acknowledging us....it's just....no. Nightmare. I think I even stood next to a student while he was walking and said "hey!" OUT LOUD and waved and he looked straight ahead. Meanwhile his friends were like ??????? hey lady????? u ok?????????????????????

I might have Tourette's, guys, but otherwise, I'm fine.

Weird things:

• a girl I follow on Instagram said her boyfriend "is the best booger she's ever picked." Uh? Gross?
• somehow the bottle of salt (bottle???) that's been on my desk for 4 months still has salt in it. weird.
• I ate a Larabar (?!?) (still not over it) (and I have more at home)
• Why? Do? I? Use? So? Many? Of? These?????????????????????????
• one of my students wrote "I love you" in Spanish in his journal which he then turned into me. Should I write back? "No gracias."

One last thing. We had a devotional on Sunday at 5pm. Our church also gets out at 5pm, so my blood sugar was basically in the depths of hell at this point, so I sat in the foyer, ate a sandwich, and listened to the talks over the intercom (intercom?). Intercom. So. The theme of this fireside was "But If Not" (based off this talk, a great talk, by the way). BUT. There was no balance between "But if Not" and "But If So." The poster for this fireside was a close-up of a girl's eye with a solitary tear coming out of it. Uh....depressing. And it was. The fireside, I mean. I felt very discouraged afterwards. And then I came home and all my roommates were saying "But if not!" after every positive remark someone made. Merp.

OK WELL that was a random and pointless blog, you're thinking. And I'm thinking. And everyone is always thinking.

"even in hell I'd be the center of attention."-Houston

this is my life now

As you all well know by now, I like to record the ridiculous/awful things people say without them realizing it and then publish it later on this blog! I think that's called something else in the real world...like...libel...or something?? Heheh anyways who cares about the law, right? *something about freedom of speech*

*Me, trying to get something off his shirt where his biceps are*
H: "yeah, they real"
(should be noted that we weren't dating at this point) 

H: "That was your first mistake...most girls wouldn't be around me without a knife."
(I have no context for this now so it sounds realllyyyyyy bad)

*coming to a realization about the importance of fashion*:
"Wait...your shoes do matter."

We were watching 2001: A Space Odyssey (weirdest movie ever) when this scene came on: (basically, a bunch of gorillas gather around a big piece of space cement which falls from the sky and subsequently lose their minds)

Houston's reaction:"It's just like when a girl walks into elders quorum in the singles ward!"

H: "They should make a separate hymnbook for girls called 'Hers.'"

"If a horse speaks in code is it called morse?"

"I'm so strong that I can not work out for years and I'll still be stronger than you."
*sarcasm*

Being dead serious and straight-faced:
H: "You're... a home breaker."
me: "Do you mean homewrecker?????"

M: "There's something in your eye.."

H: "It's not my glimmer?"

M: "Your eyeballs match your face right now!" (Bloodshot eyes, sunburned skin)

H: "You mean they're both pretty?"

(we don't actually talk about his eyes as much as this post would insinuate)

H: "I thought about you all day today except for when I was eating cuz then I was thinking about food."

H, trying to find the cemetery: "Where are the dead people?" 

H (no context because there is none): "I had a really good ham today. It was really tender. And fatty. That's how you know a ham is good."

Me: 😐

Helping me walk over ice: "I used to escort this old lady to church. This reminds me of that. Also you're about the same height as her." 

H: "Do you think Larry King was sponsored by  light bright?"

H: "You put a lot of lettuce in your omelette."

M: "That's not lettuce that's kale."

H: "Oh. I've never seen kale before."

😂😂😭

H, reminiscing on heroic summers of his youth: "We all life guarded together and it was really nice because we never had to save anyone." 

Me trying to write something in his mom's Mother's Day card: "What should I say?"

Houston: say, "It's a good thing you're not my mom because then I couldn't date your son!"
Me: "No"

*Me, talking about a podcast regarding Richard Nixon*
H: "I don't think it's entertaining to watch Republican presidents humiliating themselves."
HAHAHA this is even funnier now than when he first said it 

*sees risqué album cover*

His mom: yeah, that one's called A Star is Born

Houst: SOMEthing is about to be born!
(I am not going to put the album cover on here)

Me, quizzing Houst on previously learned veg knowledge: "Say, what's this vegetable?"

H: "It's kelp..."

Me: "No, kale."

H: "Well, kale comes from the ocean too...?"

H, impersonating me being a klutzbomb:
"I'm McKenzie and all my problems are self inflicted."

H, driving to St. George in the middle of the night:
"Everyone should drive in the right lane except for me."
me: *is immediately comforted*
(not)

*Me, citing the gross verse in the Celine Dion song that says "there were nights of endless pleasure" as the reason I wasn't allowed to listen to the song as kid"

Houst: "What! Well, they probably just started a Monopoly game at 9 and it went all night!"

H: "I put the man in mayonnaise."

M: "Please don't ever say that again." 

Me *reading a sign* "Under new ownership...that's a good band name."

Houston: "Or a good relationship status on Facebook."

Me: "Only if you're the guy."

Houston: "Do you think if pigs knew how good they tasted they would eat each other?"

Shae: "What's a black currant?"

Houston: "It's a steady flow of black culture."
btw, THIS is a black currant:

His mom, asking about cheese curds, not Kurds: "Did you get your curds?"

Houst: "Yes, and some Shiites." (OOF)

Houst: "I'm going to make a gang called the Doppel Gang. You can only join it if you look like me."

H: "You need to lower your bar"

Me: "I only set the bar low for limbo"

H: "You wouldn't even have to bend backwards, just walk under it."

Me (complaining about something lame probably) "...ooookay fine, I'll stop talking. Forever."

Houst: "Aw, you'd do that for me??"

Me: "Hey you have a hole in your shirt...uhh right over the nipple."

Houston: "Yeah, easy access point." 

Me: ??????
H: ????????????????????????? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

While watching The Sixth Sense:

"He [Haley Joel Osment] just needs Pokemon Go, but for dead people! Gotta catch em all!"

an autocorrect accident is just an opportunity for some people*

*Houston

and my facial reaction to almost all of these is:

what a weirdo

tinders I would actually use

like Tinder but instead it's people nearby who own cats or dogs that you can borrow for cuddling

like Tinder but instead it finds people nearby who have similar Shazam tags so you can go to concerts with them

like Tinder but it's just people nearby with similar grocery lists so you don't have to shop alone

like Tinder but it's just the last five things you've screenshotted

like Tinder but it's just people who have taken the classes you're taking so you can borrow their old textbooks

like Tinder but it lists people's specific cleaning skills (like for example, maybe they're really good at cleaning toilets, and I hate doing this, so we would make a good team, probably)

like Tinder but instead it's just the top five compliments people give them (this would be very telling, you know)

like Tinder but instead it's people who have the camping gear you don't have so you can team up and go on weekend camping trips with them

like Tinder but instead it's people with mechanical skills (for cars and bikes) (because I need help with both) (this is, in fact, a cry for help) (SOMEONE WITH PROPER BIKE TOOLS COME OVER. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HAVE HOMEMADE COOKIES)

like Tinder but instead it's people who will gently wake you up from your naps when you've gone overtime

like Tinder but instead it's people with long fingernails who are willing to give non-committal back scratches

like Tinder but instead it's people nearby who always have a constant supply of gum on hand so you can find them and get a piece

like Tinder but instead it shows how much Parks & Rec/The Office they can quote verbatim

one of dad's favorite D.I. finds

oh how the tables have stayed about the same

well if this isn't my life in a picture

I still have one paper left between me and certain freedom (longer naps). I mean, I've written it. I just have to revise it. And since it was 200% garbage when I wrote it, it's kind of like rewriting the whole thing. BUT HEY. Grad school is still good, great, fine...okay? I'M SORRY I'VE RUN OUT OF ORIGINAL JOKES FOR THE YEAR.

Things that have happened since my last English 1010 class adjourned on Friday (all I got was a "see ya later!" from one of my students. It was like when the ten lepers get healed and only one comes back to say thanks except definitely not at all the same):

• I found avocado on my light switch. avocado. on the light switch.
• I got three different texts from random people in my singles ward telling me they were gonna have PUPPIES at FHE tonight. OF COURSE THE MONDAY AFTER I LEAVE. why
• I re-subscribed to a free month of Netflix #mistake (the only reason I have like four email addresses, tbh).
• Speaking of acronyms, I decided "smh" should just mean "smell my hair" from now on.
• I took out a student loan (I don't want to talk about this anymore though). From here on out my tears are going to come out shaped like dollar signs.
• I dreamt I lived in the Pacific Northwest again. Then I woke up to snow. Sigh.
• I abused the internet and completely WebMD-d my blood results, it wasn't smart.
• person: "So are you like a grad student or a teacher or what?" me: "I'm definitely or what." 

So, in summary: I've done nothing.

You know what I really want for Christmas? A really good toothbrush. I'm an adult now. I need one that requires batteries/no extra hand movement (try'na stave off carpal tunnel for as long as I can).

Yes, I'm an adult. I just said "stave," so, in ur face.

here's a pic of me before I had permanent eye bags, enjoy

 #notthepacificnorthwestbutcloseenough

embarrassing things I did in my youth that still haunt me at night

I am screaming in my flesh trash.

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS WHEN YOU SHOW SOMEONE SOMETHING YOU THINK IS FUNNY AND THEY DONT LAUGH.

being the center of attention is a nightmare.

This comic is me, my entire life, in just a few frames. I love it so much.

I was in the midst of grading papers this afternoon when I remembered something really gross I had once done (when I was--gulp--19). This happens a lot. Something I've tried to repress always comes back to wag its proverbial finger at me and say "HAHA, remember when you were pubescent?!" YES. I REMEMBER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP, CEREBRUM. LET IT GO.

Maybe if I write these down and let everyone read them, the hauntings will stop. But I really doubt it.

Story #1: 
When I was 19, me and my two breast friends (I am not correcting that because of the context of the story) formed a "Hammocking Club." This means that we walked to a house on 100W in Rexburg which had a hammock hanging in the front yard and used it. All three of us. In a hammock made for one person. One person hammock. Three people. Not a good idea.

One of my old roommates' exes lived there, and he hated us using it. So we continued to do so, duh.

Every night, people (men) would walk past (since it was right by the sidewalk) and we would rate them. We'd do it when they were ten feet away, but still. So embarrassing. And we would even ask them to give us a little push sometimes. Is it any wonder none of us got any dates?

One night we decided to just start yelling things out like we had Tourette's, just to get a reaction. Wanna know what the worst thing we said was? "LACTATE!" I need to go lie down for a few minutes so I can recover from this one.

At the end of that semester, me and Chelsea snuck to this front yard in the middle of the night (ok, it was like 9 o'clock) and snipped a piece of the hammock off for our time capsule. Yikes.

Story #2:
I went through a phase in my 8th year of life fondly known as "Pinch Everybody's Buttocks Phase." PEBP. I don't know, I have to make everything an acronym. It got the point where I would stand in the hallway at church as Relief Society was letting out and just pinch people's bottoms, one after the other. In the confusion, nobody could see who it was (it helped that I was shorter than everyone). Not only was this unsanitary, but it gave me a bad rep. And my mom put a stop to it when I pinched an unsuspecting butt a little too hard. Hers. Rookie mistake, smh.

Story #3
It was Day-Before-Easter-Saturday. I was running around the front yard, high on candy and life, probably swinging from Grandma's trees like a tweaked version of Tarzan. Just imagine a five year old in Minnie Mouse overalls and long braids, missing her front teeth, screaming. My nickname was The Screamin Demon, ok.

I still don't know how this story took the turn that it did. It makes no sense in my mind's eye (which I am wishing I could poke out). But I had to go the bathroom (Weak Bladders ((Not-So)) Anonymous), so I unsnapped those overalls and peed on the neighbor's FENCE. HOW DID I EVEN DO THIS. Anatomically it should be impossible, but I know that the wood stain was a little bit darker after I was done with it, so..??????? Anyway, in the midst of this micturating, my mom came around the corner and saw me. I hurried and snapped up that Minnie Mouse denim and ran into the house, thinking quickly.

I knew my mom would take away my Easter candy as punishment, so what did I do? Well duh! I barricaded my door with my play furniture and started to eat it all. She walked in on me as my mouth was drooling with taffy and Snickers bars. I mean, ew. I didn't even get to enjoy it. All this while my overalls were covered in urine. I deserve at least one demon child for this incident alone. I really do.

"I fell in love with you the way ketchup falls from a bottle...slowly, then all at once." -not john green

HI GUYS I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR 15 HOURS NOW HAHAHAHA

Things I've done in the last few hours that I now regret:

1. Ate macaroni and cheese for dinner. Tried to spell "macaroni" like "macaronio." Had Triscuits+peanut butter+chocolate chips for dessert. It's hard to ration my chocolate chips. Hard=impossible. 
2. Said this sentence: "HOW MUCH FOOD WOULD A FOOD TRUCK TRUCK IF A FOOD TRUCK COULD TRUCK FOOD!!??" I said it out loud to myself, in the "locker room" (basement) where I live. Just let it come out of me like some kind of war cry, floating into the darkness.
3. ^^what am I smoking?
4. Oh yeah and then I started quoting lines from Adventuretime to keep myself awake. Yeah. I said "Nobody flicks me in the butt without my consent!" in public. Kind of half-muttering, like people do when they're sleep-talking. I'm a mess.

Okay so maybe this grad school thing wasn't such a good idea. Have you met sleep-deprived Kenzie? HAVE YOU? Those of you who have hiked Timp with me before have only gotten a mere taste. Maybe you hung out around me when I was jet-lagged? Yeah, that's more like it. Throw in a dash of too many breaks without food+nonsensical emails from my students+homework (lol what)=NO TIME FOR SLEEPING EVER. And then I go crazy. And when I'm crazy, I'm also crazy+ every other bad superlative. Like crazy lonely. I ALMOST posted an Instagram and captioned it with "I NEED HUGS SO BAD RIGHT NOW" in all caps. But I refrained. And now I'm posting it here but 

the POINT is

I need to go to bed.

p.s. if you wanted to hug me that would be a-okay too 

if I had a nickel for every time Spotify told me it needed to update I could create a coin avalanche to (obviously) bury Spotify headquarters!!!!

ugh sorry for the Photo Booth shot but I haven't taken a new picture (of something other than my suuuperrrr tired face) with my phone in like 2 weeks no joke

Wow. I am so tired. Like, so tired. Like so tired that I tried to google something by typing it into my Facebook status window thingie. Window thingie? Huh? DID I MENTION I WAS TIRED.

The good news is that this week should be enough time to adjust to a new sleep schedule (goodbye 1am, you inspirational devil of a time, you). The bad news is that it actually probably isn't...because the last time anyone saw me fully conscious at 5:30am, I was, as my dad fondly put it, "nursing." Not sure why I put quotes around that. It wasn't metaphorical. I WAS NURSING. AS IN, A NOT-EVEN-REALLY-FULLY-FORMED-BABY.

So I guess now I'm back to being a baby, but in a different type of way. Full circle. ?? Maybe???

Here is a brief list of things I thought about today during my 8-hours of training (sitting in a chair).

Wait, what does pedagogy mean? Should I know what that means? (tries to google using Facebook) Oh yeah, pedagogy. I've heard of that. It definitely has nothing to do with Organ Studies, and I was 100% sure it did. Darn.

That girl over there has three Master's Degrees?!?!? THREE. HAHAHAaaaaAAAA WHAT AM I DOING HERE.

Ah, yes! Bagels! My flavorite carbohydrate! I guess I'll have two since I didn't have breakfast. *immediate regret follows*

No way did that OTHER girl just say she also has three Master's Degrees. Like what da haaack.

Aw frap, I didn't bring a notebook. Now the professor will think I am texting but really I'm taking notes! (and texting)

I need to check out the bus routes because there's no way I'm paying for parking tomorrow! Plus everyone will see the pillows and blankies in the back of my car and think I'm living in it! And even though I could easily fall asleep in my car right now I am not going to go pretend I need something from my car in the middle of this orientation and go fall asleep in it! Nope! Deefffinitely not doing that.

Omgosh THERE ARE SO MANY BEARDED MEN HERE.

Goodnight. Lest you think I am joking, just know that the desk whereupon my laptop is sitting immediately abuts the bed (yes, ABUTS, look it up, all ye who have not seen "Pride and Prejudice"), so that I can easily roll over from this sitting position to a completely horizontal one.

too many stress bombs, not enough dance moms

I have no clue what that even means. It's just one of those rhyming couplets that came to me, boom, inspiration-station-what-am-I-saying.

It's been a week straight from hell. That's what I'm really tryn'a say. I guess it's also "Homeless Week" in Provo, which couldn't be more accurate (unless some students are actually living in the blackberry bushes by the river because that is where the homeless people lived where I grew up). I packed 75% of my belongings and took them to Logan. Left my wallet+keys to my car (which has broken down again) at my grandma's house like a fool. Looked at another place to live even though I already signed a contract at a different place and I'm having second thoughts. It's like, hello, Lucifer, you can leave now. Plz I don't have time for you and your shenanigans. I get that I'm about to make a huge life change and you're trying to break me down but I just DON'T HAVE TIME OK.

I DON'T

HAVE

TIME

Better stop now before I cuss again. Here's random Europe pics, because I didn't even share a fraction of them with you guyz (to avoid being obnoxious...yet here I am, doing it. Ugh).

here I am in front of the British Museum eating this ice cream and wondering where my friends are and just noticing the sign behind me like oh well whatever nevermind

HERE I AM IN SWITZERLAND BY MYSELF WALKING AROUND A LAKE IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER sigh I wanna be there now

my eyes have been bloodshot for 3 days now, am I a vampire? + a (few) grammar lesson(s)

I call this the "Fleetwood Mac" filter, only bc I was listening to them while I edited the pics 

nO. Not a vampire. Just being compressed in the garbage compressor of ~*STrEss~*. Tip! If you put asterisks and wavy lines around the word "stress," it does absolutely NOTHING to alleviate that aforementioned stress! Just so you guys know! I am using way too many exclamation points! That's an English no-no! The other day I was texting a guy and I tried to correct his English but then I realized it was proper English after I'd corrected him! It! Was! Embarrassing!

Ok, from now on, I'm not going to use exclamation points. I'm so excited. Yes. Do you feel the excitement in here. It's just huge.

Hey, did you know there are people out there who don't pronounce the "h" in "huge"???? DID YOU! Oops. I mean, did you. They say "youuuuu-ge" instead, and it drives me bananas. I'm like "hey, there is definitely an 'h' at the beginning of that word and it's not silent." I get weird about words because I feel like they're...close to me? Or something? Yeah I'm not good with words at this precise moment in time but that's because #bloodshoteyes. I'm having an allergic reaction to everything in my life collapsing in on itself, probably.

Another tip: don't put "probably" at the end of your sentences because nobody will take you seriously. It's been my struggle these past 25 years, so now if I ever say to someone "Hey I like you!" They're like "Um? Sarcasm much?" And I'm like "??? What did I say???" Another tip: don't overuse question marks. People will think that you excessively question everything and THEN they'll label you as "nihilist" or "postmodernist" or "mega-nerd." Unfortunately, because most people don't know what the first two words mean, they say the third one. BUT THEY ALL MEAN THE SAME THING BASICALLY.

Also, don't say "basically" too much because people will think you're trying to dumb down everything you say (because you are), and they will label you as "pretentious." OR they'll flip it the other way and say "why are you so unsure of yourself? Just say something IS or IS NOT, but don't say describe it as "basically" because that MAKES * U * BASIC*." Don't put asterisks around stuff. As far as cussing goes, all I have to say is this: the proper response to finding SIX old burritos in the back of your friends' truck IS to say "what the he**?" Just so you know.

One more thing: USE ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME AS MUCH AS YOU WANT BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING PASSIONATE ABOUT SOMETHING AND YELLING IT PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY THROUGH TEXT SO HERE GOES NOTHING!!!!! (exclamation point rule has been disbanded temporarily for this portion of the show)

DON'T STAY UP PAST 1AM NO MATTER HOW STRESSED YOU ARE BECAUSE YOU'LL REGRET IT IN ABOUT 5 HOURS

DON'T DO HEADSTANDS ON HARD FLOORS IN ROOMS WITH CHEMICALS IN THEM YOU WILL REGRET IT ALMOST IMMEDIATELY (BUT THEN YOU'LL DO IT AGAIN 50 MORE TIMES)

DON'T DRIVE OLD CARS WITHOUT A/C AROUND IN CIRCLES THEY WILL GET TIRED AND START SMOKING

DON'T*GIVE*OUT*YOUR*NUMBER*TO*PEOPLE*WHO*DON'T*DESERVE*IT*

OKAYYYYY!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

Basically, I just broke every grammar rule I told you to follow while I was telling you to follow it. What's that called?

Being a smart-aleck...?

Yeah.

current mood^^

joke's on you, guy who stared at me for an uncomfortable amount of time today! I haven't shaved my legs for a week!

never shall I be a fashion blogger, amen.

if you stare at this for too long...don't. just don't do that.

File that one under Things I Should Have Said Out Loud to a Stranger But Did Not. Wait, but that will take an entire filing cabinet, and filing cabinets are ugly. I guess I can't file it anywhere in this hypothetical scenario because of aesthetic. TYPICAL MCKENZIE.

Ew, my computer just tried to autocorrect my name to "Mackenzie!" What the! Also, Spotify has started making everyone their own playlists (called "Discover Weekly"), and last week's was amazing but the song I just listened to from today's has a very crazy saxaphone solo in the middle of a...I can't tell if it's a country song or pop. HALP. I didn't ask for thiiiisss!

While I was driving home in the rain today (and listening to "Plans" because I just rediscovered that album in Moab this last weekend, thank you Ari, thank you from the bottom of my soul) I started to compose a list in my head of things I have to do before I leave in 3 weeks (count 'em, THREE, that's LESS THAN A MONTH, WHAT).

Holy cow WHY IS SHAMPOO SO EXPENSIVE?! This is what happens when I blog and get on Amazon at the same time. And I'm not editing out any side thoughts, humans. That's just the way the cookie crumbles today. While I'm going off on a tangent, you should watch this if you haven't yet because I definitely thought it was fake when I first saw it. As my friend Kurt described it "Somehow this video proves there is a God..." *disclaimer: not a Mormon message*

Ok, now that my tangent is over, list time, baby! Then we can finally wrap up the most incoherent and nonsensical blog post ever written. And thus it is, amen. Aw frap I just remembered I have a peanut butter cup in my purse....might have to take a detour and eat it.

things McKenzie must do before she leaves to go back to skool again and will surely be drowning in enough paper to save the rainforest, and will therefore not be blogging very much really probably:

1) how would paper save the rainforest though, unless you could reverse-produce it...? OK FOR REALLY I'M GONNA WRITE THIS.
2) go to Payson Temple & Provo Temple (come with me, all ye who can, sorry I just said that in a scriptural tone of voice)
3) go up the canyon/into the mountains/pretty much ev-e-ry dang day
4) go to a baseball game (random, but I haven't gone all summer and I feel weird about it)
5) eat some Graham Canyon ice cream (a lot of it)
6) hammock hammock hamoooooockkkkkk
7) sit around a fire so I can walk away smelling like campfire (I like it, so what who cares)
8) unfollow every single person on Facebook who posts anything about the upcoming election
9) jk
10) NOT JK
11) write a syllabus (hahahahahahah so weird that I even typed that, let alone that I'm doing it)
12) delete snapchat again
13) probably not though
14) watch The Buttercream Gang (I'm dead serious)
15) I'M NOT KIDDING I LOVE THAT MOVIE
16) stop writing this list
17) just
18) *~stop*~
19) also, stop giving out my number to boys who don't even deserve it
20) eggplant emoji

normal work emailz

*boils water* "wifey materialllllll"

I have a question. Is putting your laptop on your lap cancerous? THIS IS SRSLY SERIOUS. I do it all the time, but I also use my hot pad more times than most old people (probably), sooo.... anyway, why is it called a laptop if you're not supposed to put it on your lap? They don't call it a legtop or a facetop. Anyway.

Sidenote: I'm watching this Princess Diana documentary thing on Netflix (I know how lame I am ok) and omg drama queeeeen. Yes that pun was intended. But srsly guys. I mean I know she was super famous and stuff but she didn't have to like scream and cry so much. Maybe that's just the movie version of her. Maybe she just needed a Midol. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't write Princess Diana's biography.

It's been a long time (translation: a few months) (weeks) since I wrote a good/bad/funny list on here. Or any kind of list. And what is a blog without lists? The truth is I have writer's block, but I want to barf some text onto this blog to keep it from it getting moldy and old like those graham cracker crumbs I found in the pantry earlier.

bueno
1) going to the mountains almost every day! also getting real sunburnt. I'mma be a human leather purse in like 15 years.
2) consuming a lot of mint limeade. and water. but mostly limeade.
3) a typical dinnertime scene at my house (this was tonight's for example): we're eating. started to talk about hiking, and how some people in the family don't love it as much. ellie asked why. my dad said "ever since the Bigfoot attack a few years ago..." Ellie is gullible, so she immediately was like "Really? Well what happened?" And my mom said "We kicked him right in the nougat!" And I said "Nougat? I can never eat a candy bar again." /end scene (well, then we watched lots of Sasquatch sighting videos at the dinner table)
4) CHOCOLATE PIE OVERDOSE (this could be bad in a few hours)

malo
1) spelling my own name wrong in an email to my English professor. He's probably like "Hmm how can we take back that acceptance letter...?" FACEPALM (my comp keeps tryna autocorrect that word to "FACEPLATE" and it's making me craugh)
2) sensual back rubbing in church, gross.
3) the word "sensual" hahaha what is that even
4) finally finishing "A River Runs Through It," which I had been putting off because I knooooow how it ends, and I still cried. Probably cried enough salt to make a good batch of biscuits.

funny
1) shae's story about her mom telling her mermaids didn't exist (I've never heard a story like this IRL)
2) also, the dude next to us on University who had a garter (circa 1984) hanging from his rearview....jamming to Taylor Swift like it was nothing. Should I put up a missed connections ad???
3) adding "mom" to the end of every Fall Out Boy Song. TRY IT.
4) THESE PITCHURS:
(animal edition)

no remorse detected

(I OBVIOUSLY WROTE THIS WHOLE THING WHILST BEING VERY SLEEP DEPRIVED SORRY GOING 2 LOGAN TOMORROW HAHA I AM EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED)

"with a full heart and a fuller bladder I write these words"

^^Actual excerpt from my journal a few days ago. What a wonderful world.

Whitney, this post is for you because you said every time you try to write on your blog, mine distracts you. I feel almost as powerful as the internet in this regard. I thank you.

brief (?????) list of embarrassing garbage that has happened to me in the past 7 days:

1. I was at an intersection and a piece of my car fell off. Yeah, it lit'rally just fell off, but was still hanging on for life with its poor little 30-year-old rubber fingers (it was...a piece of rubber). So I sat there all embarrassed at this piece of rubber flying inconspicuously in the wind, and a semi-attractive guy started to cross the street in front of me (he was a 7.5, in case you were wondering). He was doing the whole stare-at-someone-for-so-long-that-you-have-to-turn-your-head-to-keep-staring-at-them, and since I knew what I looked like that day (#ovaryacting), I figured he was probably staring at the rubber. I was right. Sort of. Because when he had finally crossed the street, he turned back and shout-whispered "I LIKE YOUR CAR!" I should've known he was not staring deeply into my eyes. Also, I was wearing sunglasses. So. 
2. I was on a date and my head was in between two bookshelves (you think I'm making this up, don't you). I don't even know what happened, but I hit my head real hard on the top shelf. Does this story sound familiar? Oh, it doesn't? Because the same thing happened like 8 months ago, except I was bouncing on my bed and hit my head (don't turn this into a rap song, srsly. I know Jay-Z is reading this). And that time I really did get concussed. Both times I had no reaction other than nervous laughter followed by hysterical laughter followed by me thinking "Should I go to the hospital???? Nah." *passes out*
3. i AM CRAVING TORTILLAS SO BAD RIGHT NOW HELP
4. ^^not part of the embarrassing montage, but at least I gave you a guys a break. I hope you took advantage of the five seconds.
5. I was at work and I answered the phone. This is how the conversation went:

me: such-and-such workplace, how can I help you?
person: FISH! FISH!
me: Ummmm???????????? Sorry, what was that?
person: FISH!!! (I wish there was a way to emphasize this word more than just putting it in all caps, because that's how it sounded. MORE THAN ALL CAPS)
person: F-I-S-H, fish.
me: oh, right. yeah. yeah? we have some??? we have fish.
person: TROUT? RAINBOW TROUT?!?!?
me: no. we have these kinds tho *names off three kinds of fish, one fish, two fish, blue fish, etc, jk I didn't say that*
person: WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID?
me: *starts crying*
me: *jk*
person: MILK?! RAW MILK!!!!!
me: yes. we have it. (I was getting real good at conversing with this person)
person: GOATS MILK!!
me: no.
person: *hangs up*

Finally, the fact that my high school mascot was the Caveman was finally useful to me.

6. I dreamt that I was knitting sweaters outside of the bathroom at work. My boss kept walking back to use the bathroom but every time she saw me she would get disgusted and walk away. I wasn't even naked. Just knitting. What's wrong with knitting? Sidenote: I rly wish I had that sweater I was knitting. It was like I was channeling my inner Mrs. Weasley. Do I have such a thing IRL??????

Wow, only six embarrassing moments. That I can remember, anyway.

And now I'm gonna go make tortillas and ride my bike, because it snowed yesterday. Or whatever.

just keepin it rillz at 12 in the AM

let's make tears come out their eyes (censored edition)

*cue the Mmm Whatcha Say song*

Yeah I'm never gonna get over that one.

**I really was not going to post this but then Caitlyn, my roommate, read it and she was laughing real hard and said it was her favorite ever so I decided to just heavily censor it for the sake of those who may read it and you're welcome, Happy President's Day, etc.**

Written on Feb 14th at 11pm-ish
I have been sitting here in my bed try'na cry for like 15 minutes. I got a little choked up when I read a certain passage in a favorite book, but no tears came.

So then I tried listening to Ben Howard, which usually does the trick.

Nothing.

I know that this post is going to be one of those that never gets published, not ever, because like ten of my relatives will text me saying "YO IS EVERYTHING OK WIDCHU..??? LET US SEND AN AMBULANCE TO YOUR PLACE OF DWELLING REMOVE ALL RAZORS FROM THE PREMISES."

Naaaahhh. No publish for you, little blog post. You're going to be in draft limbo for the rest of your life. But don't worry, it's not like Catholic limbo. They feed you refreshments here and make sure you get a foot rub every once in a while. I don't know who "they" are, but hey, it's my blog, and goshdangit there WILL be refreshments and foot rubs.

I feel nauseated because I ate gelato. It was supposed to be my Valentine's day treat for myself.
Strike 1: I got it at Wal-Mart
Strike 2: It's gelato
Strike 3: I have no gallbladder
Strike 4: Which brings us back to strike 2

And then I tried to watch this ridiculous Netflix show (Netflix show implies that it was never on TV, but I think it was, who even knows, do people still watch TV...????), which gave me nightmarish ideas about my neighborhood, particularly because my neighborhood is not the best, and I have to walk quite a distance to my car every day, which makes me sweat nervously every day. That's a lot of sweating. A LOT OF PERSPIRATION.

Why do I feel the need to capitalize things sometimes, when I'm writing, like I have to yell at whoever I'm writing to? WHOM*ever. Huh. See, maybe I'm just correcting myself. And yelling at myself.

Anyway back to this crying biznat. Why am I trying to cry? Well, I haven't had a good cry in about a week or so. Maybe more. It's probably this new birth control, which used to make me feel like my heart was leaping out of my chest every chance it got only to get stomped on by anyone and everything. Red light? Crying. Picture of a kitten? Inconsolable. Best friend doesn't text me for a month? Forget about it. *Rex from Napoleon Dynamite voice* FUHGET ABOUT IT But now it's pulling a 180 and I am an emotionless dumpster.

Grievances that I want to cry about but cannot bc apparently I'm emotionally constpiated rN:

1. Arrow Season 3 isn't on Netflix and Hulu Plus only shows 5 eps at a time so I'm like 10 episodes behind, so what is the point of you Hulu Plus? Huh? WAT IS THE POINT OF YOU
2. the apartment smells like brownies cuz it's Valentine's Day but those brownies ain't for me, ya dig?
3. my back has needed to be popped ever since I tried to pop it like 2 months ago
4. *insert anonymous person's name here*
5. YEAH *person*you make me wanna punch holes in walls like 80% of the time, let's just go back to being nothing friends who never knew the other person existed
6. UGH MY EMOTIONZ
7. I wonder when somebody else will ever read this. It feels like one of those cool undersea animals that lives so deep under the ocean that nobody has ever laid eyes on it but YOU K N O W those exist. u knoe
8. Why am I spelling everything like I never got a degree in English?????? That def makes me wanna cry.
9. Every day I want to quit my life more and move somewhere not Utah.
10. There's a freakin salt shaker by my bed..oh my gosh who AM I
11. I don't like the word "freakin" but sometimes that's all there is to say
12. AGAIN with the comments that make me sound like I'm not/never was an English major
13. I want to unfriend some of my friends in real life
14. But then I won't have friends...
15. And I'll feel guilty. Because I have two x chromosomes or whatever.
16. That stupid gelato, I'll get you for this Wal-Mart!
17. My feet are uncommonly cold for someone who is always wearing tons of layers. Except right now because I'm wearing shorts. But it's February. So what if the weather is bipolar. Sowhatwhocares.
18. Let's make that one word, homies. Let's stop putting spaces between things. Like words and people and people and animals. I sound insane. 
19. At 11:11 pm I am going to stop writing this. Start the countdown.
20. Oh geez that means I have like 3 minutes left I don't think I can stay in this position for much longer seriously my back is in the shape of a seal right now...? You know what I mean, like when a seal arches its back?
21. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER THAT MOVIE CALLED ARCHIE OR ARROW OR ARCH-HEAD OR ARCHIBALD OR ARNIE?? It was from the 90's and it was about a seal.
22. Oh it was called Andre. Not anything like what I just said.
23. Only 60 seconds left....I just had a flashback to the time in math class in 13th grade when we were having opening prayer and Liz left her Photobooth open and took a pic of us praying and I was very serious in the picture and she was being so irreverent and I wish I had that picture still because if I did it would be on my wall somewhere 
24. MARK
25. MY
26. WORDS
27. I regret saying "freakin" earlier. 

So much for this being censored.

mmm watcha say (in which McKenzie shares something that makes her cry-laugh)

I just found these on my phone from when I had snapchat 

oh GOsh who ever let me download that thing

I know I look terrible. I had legitimately been crying beforehand. SO THERE.

Does everybody know about the new internet trend of playing the "Mmm Watcha Say" song over any sad scene in every TV show/movie/etc?? P.S. I know that's not the real name of the song because I listened to that album heavily in my 18th year. But let's pretend for the sake of the internetz that it is.

Anyway, this trend...it's the greatest thing and I can't stop craughing about it. Here ya go. My humor has probably gone to pot and that's why I find it funny. EVERY GOSHDANGTImE. If you laugh at it too, then we have the same sense of humor, congratz.

*not a real bog post*
*when is it ever a real blog post though*
*why*am*I*putting*asterisks*around*everything*?*

Each of these takes less than a minute to watch and I swear they're all worth it.

• Number One (Pitch Perfect)
• Number Two (Parks & Rec)
• Number Three (Captain America 2)
• Number Four (Big Hero 6)

WHY IS IT SO FUNNY I CAN~~**T

Goodnight. Gotta go make some Sarcastic Valentines. 

My new favorite gif to send everybody/anybody

"When you wake up and realize you set your alarm for PM not AM."

"When you wave at someone in public and they don't see you."

"When the day of the week is Monday."

Gold.

if you don't put salt on pretty much everything, first of all why

"Ike...Ike...that needs more salt...here...just...let me...salt it for ya....

YESS THE CUPCAKE IS MINE!"

(my thoughts in this picture, probably)

I have no less than 3 salt shakers on my desk at work. That's right, three. I just ate some chips and dip for lunch (duh, what else), and I salted the dip. I also ate a creme brulee after that...with salt on it. Back in 2008, my doctor was all, "McKenzie, you don't have enough sodium in your body." So I said, "Oh no, whatever shall I do. I guess I have to salt all my food." And I did. And I still do. So don't be offended if you cook for me and I throw a lil' salt on top. I'm just tryna enhance all my senses, ok?

Do you guys remember that York Peppermint Patty commercial from like 10 years ago, with the old guy eating a patty and the minty-ness was just really overpowering apparently, and he opened his mouth, revealing a toothless grin, and said "I like any sensation!" Gross. Yuckfest. Yuckmesiter yucko. Right? Me and Liz got some mileage out of that one for awhile. We still do, but we did back then too. Heh.

I bet half of you have already given up on this post by now. You're like "Why is she still writing? What's the point of this even?" I don't know. I never know.

Last night I was sitting in bed reading/writing/solo jamming (alt-j lately. I know. I know.) and I actually hugged myself. I put down my pen and gave myself a hug. Then I wrote about it in my journal. I said "Do you guys wanna hear something really pathetic/cheesy/lame? I just hugged myself. I. Just. Hugged. Myself." And yes, I write my journal as if I'm talking to my future posterity. I think they'll appreciate it. If they ever come into existence.

Jk, jk. That's not what I really think, mom.

This is what I have been thinking lately (as in the last 24 hours)

1) this needs more salt
2) I should probably kiss someone soon before I explode
3) maybe that someone should just be an animal
4) wait no maybe a person
5) this needs more salt?!?!?
6) ugh.
7) my back feels kinda weird ever since somebody who shall not be named popped it
8) it was Trent
9) I never realize how depressed I am in the winter until the sun comes out again and then I'm like "Yooo everybody is my best friend I love everyone here have a free Capri-Sun! Windows down all day! Yayyyyy the sun!" It's that bad.
10) would that I could grow out this awkward haircut already!!
11) I wonder when the trend of saying "Would that" instead of "I wish that" went out of style. I wonder if it was ever a trend....
12) I can't wait til the sun comes out and I can run again and trip over flat surfaces again and air-drum to Twenty One Pilots while I'm running again.
13) If I had guns for hands a lot of people would be accidentally dead because of me because #klutzbomb.
14) I just found a post-it note that said "Don't forget to.." and the rest of it was blurred out. Maybe by tears? Idk but now I know I'm forgetting to do something important #struggs
15) update: I forgot to buy concert tickets
16) wait should I even go to this concert....
17) I might get spit on again.
18) cry face emoji (yes that's right, I think in emojis)
19) Gosh this gum is good! (It's the Icebreakers' brand of gum and it is the uncontested winner)
20) five cry face emojis
21) I wonder if I have an RBF and that's why people are always telling me to cheer up. I'm sorry I don't just sit and smile at nobody and nothing. I'm sorry!
22) I'm not really sorry. I wish I was in the mountains.
23) I should stop thinking and just take an 8 hour nap.

A day in the life of McKenzie's head. I bet you wish you hadn't read that. Right? Five minutes you'll never get back. Except now you know that Icebreakers gum is best and I like salt.

It's been a productive day.

my entire summer in selfies

If I was going into 5th grade this year and had to write my "What I Did This Summer" essay, it would just be a compilation of selfies. Conceited? Mmm....no. Because with each of these pictures comes a story which perfectly sums up the summer. And while we're on the subject, why did summer have to go so fast anyway? August 19th?! EW.

My family went on a 2-week trip to the PNW, so I chopped off my hair as a passive-aggressive response. Nat'rally. And by the looks of it, my eyebrows are gone, too. What the actual heck.

That one time I used Tinder to show everyone on the internet that I could make faces like this. The eye-crossing trick is genetic. Thanks mom! 

I got this weird sore throat virus...in May. Honestly. So I sounded like Liza Minelli for a few days, which was super great, except that not many people in my generation know who that is, so the reference was lost. However, what wasn't lost during this dark time was my ability to make the turtle face (this is also my "I just got asked on a date via text message by someone who referred to himself as my future husband" face).

90's dance party you say? Put on red lipstick I shall! And curl my hair. By the end of the evening, it was completely flat on one side. I guess that's pretty true to the 90's style. Also, this was the night I discovered a Rita's in Provorem, and I think I told everyone in the car that "I wanted to be alone" with my dessert. #bless

For my mom's birfday, she just wanted to hike Cecret Lake. So we did. And it took me way longer than necessary because I couldn't stop taking pictures. My #1 favorite part of summer is hiking! And post-hike napping of course. 

Have you ever tried hamping? 10/10 would recommend. Simply shine your lights into everyone's tents on the mountainside at 1am until you find a suitable spot! Actually don't do that. It's kind of rude. Buuuut it was unintentional on our part. 

Sarah y yo went to high schoolz together, but we didn't reunite until this very year. This night we (me, her, and Caitlyn) ate an entire carton of Graham Canyon. This was our second bowl I think. But who's counting. 

The summer of live shows. Twenty One Pilots has yet to be beaten. I like these pictures because there are about 50 of them, and all of us are moving around and shtuff but Trent's face does not change. Ever. Thumbs up emoji.

On this fine day, I was sitting on Caitlyn's bed, telling her a great story about candles, and got excited, jumped up, and banged my head on the bottom of her bookshelf. Hashtag concussed. I dunno what I said that night but I'm sure Caitlyn has immortalized it in her phone. She supposedly has lots of blackmail on me??? Just found this out, BTW. Sigh. 

The hike of all hikes. Timp. This time I swore I would sleep beforehand. But did I? Oh heck no. Hence this face, somewhere between exhaustion and a complete mental breakdown.

Grotto Fallz! After this hike, I sped home to a mission-call opening. Heather's mission call opening! Also, plz note Kenzie's face in the background. And just so you know, I wear my backpack in the front like a mama kangaroo because I like it there. 

Ran 9 miles. Drank a gallon of Powerade in about 2 minutes. Went to see "The Fault in Our Stars." Cried out all the Powerade. 

WHY AM I AWAKE ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN AT 6AM?!

4th of July week was insane in the membrane. I bought this wolf t-shirt to compensate. Then I wore it in the woodsen like a real Portlandia nerd. Gosh, who am I?

After-temple selfie. I'm not mad, I just tried to look serious and that's what happened. I've given up on making similar faces for my future engagement pictures. I don't want to look constipated in those photos. 

Also, the temple. It took me all summer, but I'm no longer in training. And it really is the best non-job job I have ever had. 

The summer of eating too much not enough pizza

And chips and salsa. Here I am at one of the many wedding receptions I frequented this summer. Oh, Utah.

My friend Caitlyn got her endowments on this day! Afterwards I foolishly went to work in my church clothes. And heels. Such smart. Very wisdom. 

I finally got a new bike and broke it in when I joined the ward's biker gang. Note: do not attempt selfies while biking. You'll probably die.

It takes me approximately 2 days to drink one of those half gallons of juice. Here is my "I don't regret carrying this juice around with me" face. All summer long, baby (p.s. wearing a beanie because it rained, and that justifies beanie wearing).

We hiked Dixie Rock and I made a dinosaur face while nobody was looking. What else is new. P.S. that girl on the far left is now murried! I went to her reception too, in case you were wondering. I'm sure you were('nt).