3.22.2016

burning stuff

a place you can go if you want to dropkick fear into outer space


I wrote a poem last week. The first line said, "Before you burn something you have to say its name." I think I need to talk about this some more, and what I mean by "this" is that four letter word we all know pretty well by now. Fear. Before we let go of something that's been eating us alive, we have to acknowledge our attachment to it. Yeah, humans love fear. They love it. It's a frappin' disease.

This morning I woke up to see that one of my dear friends had posted a picture of Belgium. At first I thought it was kind of random, I mean I knew she had gone on her mission there but why post it now? She'd been back for a few years. Then I scrolled further down the page. For some reason, this time struck me differently than all the other times--like this realization that we're dealing with a really, really evil adversary right now. Satan is dead set on this whole enmity thing. But I'm not gonna let him win, not today.

I sat in my bed for awhile and I cried. Like, really cried. It was so weird and rare (ha!). I think the combination of what had happened + some people's commentary on it was already so frustrating to me. Because the main message of society/the internet/whoever wants attention at the moment (Trump, I'm talking to you) was this: be afraid. It's going to happen to us next. Let's round up all the people who could be associated with this and get rid of them. Let's hole up in our houses and never leave. Let's bully people into submission. Yes, let's. That sounds like a great solution.

I want to be very clear: fear will get you absolutely nowhere. This is an eternal truth I have learned by experience, but if you haven't gotten there yet, fear not! Here's some scriptures to back it up:

1st Nephi (basically the entire book) *emphasis added
1st Nephi 4:6-7 "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do....nevertheless I went forth."
1st Nephi 12:23 "...after they had dwindled in unbelief [a symptom of fear=staying put], they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations."
1st Nephi 17:3 "And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness." (they were in one place, but moving forward despite not knowing the future)
Helaman 5:34 "they were immovable because of the fear which did come upon them..."
Alma 12:10 "...he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word..."
Matthew 14:3-31 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he [Peter] was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

We all know what the opposite of fear is! Faith. But faith is dang hard to execute. Trust me, I know. I cannot tell you how many times in just the last five years of my life that Heavenly Father nudged me to do something that was totally ridiculous to me (at the time). Exhibit A: grad school. But I finally learned (through many heartbreaking lessons) it was easier to just move forward instead of sitting still in fear. And it was so much more rewarding. Faith is like that, you know.

"Just as doubt, despair, and desensitization go together, so do faith, hope, and charity. The latter, however, must be carefully and constantly nurtured, whereas despair, like dandelions, needs so little encouragement to sprout and spread. Despair comes so naturally to the natural man!” Neal A. Maxwell, one of my favorites ever, said that, and it's true. Why do we love despair so much? Why?? Why do we hold onto its skirts and let it drag us through the mud? Is it exhilarating? Maybe for a second. I guess you do feel like you're moving somewhere, even if it's an imaginary somewhere that you've only made up so you have someplace for your doubt to land. 

If there's something making you stew with fear right now, pray for help to overcome that. I know you can--that's part of the enabling power of the Atonement. The Savior makes it possible to overcome the insurmountable--like living in a world that deals with the kind of news we got today on a regular basis. 

So if you're reading this right now, today, and you're about to do it--don't. Don't succumb to fear--stick it in the fire. 

It's a dirty pirate, anyway. And it takes no prisoners.

3.17.2016

greatitude




Gratitude is great, and sometimes it just kind of hits you upside the head, like "HEY! STOP COMPLAINING ALREADY."

And so, even though the first day back from spring break greeted us with a nasty cold front, I have so much more good stuff to write about than the weather. Honestly, the weather? Yawn.

1. I got a raise. I got a raise! It's still weird to me that I can write sentences like that. Adult sentences. About full-time jobs. Full-time jobs teaching kids how to write papers. If you had told me when I was 17 that someday I'd be saying stuff like this, I would've given you this look:


2. Those little guacamole packs from Wal-Mart. They saved me recently on a thuper long road trip. I know that by saying "thuper" I totally negated the first thing on my list. Whaterver.

3. Even though the lack of spring is a bummer, it means I can still wear sweaters. My summer wardrobe is really not cute. At all. Why am I writing this?

4. I have the nicest friends and family. And I admire them more than Kanye admires his own reflection.

5. THE DESERET INDUSTRIES BLESS THIS ESTABLISHMENT 5EVER. I have never been so high after a shopping trip than after I leave the D.I. in Logan. It's just so...gosh. Remind me to write a poem about it someday. 

6. Freddie Prinze Jr. (the neighbor's cat)--on days when I feel like nobody is paying attention to me, this cat is. And honestly, sometimes it's a little creepy the way he sees me from across the street and comes running.

7. my institute class. Before this semester, I didn't know a lot about the Pearl of Great Price. Confession: I thought it was a part of the Doctrine and Covenants???? So imagine my surprise when on the first day, our teacher said, "You guys picked the shortest book of scripture! Only 60-something pages!" I was like "Wait, is the D&C really that short?" And then I opened my scriptures. Doy. But anyway, in case you were wondering, the Pearl of Great Price is all about God's love for His Children. Check it out.

8. that dumb face swap app on Snapchat. Certain people think it's horrible *cough* Houston *cough* but IT'S NOT. Anytime I make a new masterpiece I kinda cringe a little but then I laugh and then I cringe some more. Who thought of this? 

WHY HOW IS ANYTHING ON THAT PAPER A FACE.


honestly.


9. Speaking of Houston! Houston. If you're reading this, I'm grateful for you, too. Even your dad jokes. 
                                       

10. Bachelor Recaps. This one is golden, in case you're in the mood to craugh (no previous experience with the show is necessary)



11. THIS SALAD I MADE UP THE OTHER DAY. Can't stop won't stop eating it.

recipe here


12. Going on walks around Logan. Logan is chock full of old houses like this one:



13. I won a writing contest held by the school! Third place up against my fellow grad-mates, who I am so #blessed to be associated with. I just ended a sentence with a preposition. TAKE AWAY MY TITLE. HURRY, DO IT.

So glad my students do not know about this blog. Add that to the blessings list. 

3.13.2016

♫hellloo from the other siiiide, I like potatoes that are friiiiieed♫

It's me!!! I'm alive. Fresh out the womb...of...spring break. Well. I'm never going to say that again.

Say what again, McKenzie?

Womb. Or "fresh out." In the same sentence together.

Speaking of Spring Break, let's take a moment of silence for it, yeah? BYU schools don't get spring breaks, and that's why Heavenly Father led me to USU. Probably.

p.s. half these pics have already showed up on other social media platforms (haha, what a dumb phrase), but...well, I actually don't have an excuse for this. I thought I would think of one while I was writing the sentence but it didn't come. Anyways.

FLAGSTAFF. Flagstaff, Flagstaff, Flahfsgsftaffffff. Luh you.

When we first got out of the shuttle and looked down it was really overwhelming

BUT IN A GOOD WAY

We left the trail for .5 seconds to take this pic #sorrymom

You think it's dumb that I'm wearing a hoodie AND a denim vest but it wasn't warm

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

oh and then the storm clouds came and I just wanted to hug the Grand Canyon even though it's not possible at all

my hair looked so good with the GC color palette

this is very corny and I know it

YEAH CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE IT

blorp




we went into that hole in the ground (again, #sorrymom)

these hikers don't even have face 

we underestimated how long the walk to the lava caves was (it was 9.5 miles) (HAHA)





bonus pic for the people who are still reading this.

you're like, wow what a great reward.

That's all I have for now. In approximately one month I'll be done with school and I know my brain will be mush. So I'll see you then.


on the ooother siiiiiide