reasons not to ______ (a comprehensive list)

REASONS NOT TO TELL YOUR STUDENTS THAT YOU'VE CRIED RECENTLY:

They'll ask you how you're doing with really concerned looks on their faces the next time they see you on campus.

I just started to hand them copies of this article:

HASHTAG GRAD SCHOOL

REASONS NOT TO PAY IN CASH AT THE GROCERY STORE EVER:

When the cashier is giving you back coins and you're holding your bag at the same time so you try to take the coins but they fall to the ground and the line is backing up and they hand you your receipt at the same time so suddenly there's this paper you've gotta grab onto and you burst into flames and descend into hell.

~*time to update my status*~

REASONS NOT TO OVERANALYZE HOW YOU TEXT:

You start purposely de-capitalizing words or using bad grammar so you don't sound as smart...

that's called pretentious dishevelment, my friends

REASONS NOT TO MAKE YOUR WEDDING INTO A HASHTAG:

Someday those hashtags will become unrealistic. More realistic hashtags:

#HeyDidYouGrabTheMilk

#NoNotCowsMilk

#YouKnowICantEatDairy

#WeHaveBeenMarriedForTenYears

#IAmLactoseIntolerantDangit

#DidYouAtLeastGetBananas

#NOBANANAS?!

#WeNeedToGoToTherapy

REASONS NOT TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAIRS WHILE WALKING DOWN THEM:

Simple. Because other people (me) will try to go around you a million times because you're also the kind of person that walks slowly, and you keep swinging your hips in such a way that makes it impossible for me to pass you because you're RIGHT in the middle of the stairs goshdangit that guy had the most swingy hips and he wouldn't get out of the middle of the stairwell. sigh.

                   

REASONS NOT TO SHAVE IN APRIL:

Because we live in Utah.

AND WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT, REASONS NOT TO MAKE YOUR FB STATUS ABOUT THE WEATHER:

Talk about literally any other subject please, even your pyramid scheme parties (I can't believe I said that) because everyONE talks about the weather when it's just being the weather: unpredictable. Yes. Sometimes it snows in the spring because WE LIVE IN UTAH/IDAHO/PLACES WHERE IT REGULARLY SNOWS okay this is all I am never saying more about this again please.

Lizzie McGuire=the weather channel. Facebook be takin' its bidnez.

REASONS NOT TO WALK OUT THE DOOR THAT SOMEBODY IS ENTERING THROUGH

This happened to me the other day when I was walking to class. I opened the door to the building and as I was walking through it, somebody on the other side was like "whoops, just gonna slip in through here, heheh" so I just had to jump out of the way before we grazed each other.

REASONS NOT TO USE YOUR BLOG FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT PETTY THINGS:

There are none.

That's lit'rally what blogs were invented for. And:

On that note, remind me to never do this again.

I've got 99 problems but a Houston ain't one

• His love for Tandoori Oven is unmatched. One week he went three times (I counted). 
• He has trouble getting off couches "cuz they're so comfy." Like literally he can't get up. I usually give him a push, but sometimes I just watch him struggle. 
• He points with three fingers instead of one.
• He taught me that the word "caucus" is also a verb. this is how the conversation went.
• him: are you caucusing on tuesday?
• me: you mean voting?
• him: no caucus is a verb.
• me: no it's not.
• him: you know, to caucus, caucaulogy (that is NOT a word), the study of caucusing? it's first grade, McKenzie.
• me: -_- 
• If there's a weird old man in a movie we're watching he says "I aspire to be that man." there's weird old men in practically every movie we watch. I'm not joking.
• He consumes more peach lemonade and/or Sobe water than there are Lakes in Michigan (probably).
• If you don't laugh at his jokes right away he emits one small, tiny chuckle like three seconds later. Kinda like when you want more likes on an old Facebook post, so you comment on it and then it shows up on your friend's feeds and they like it. I call it the "last chance laugh." 
• The first time he gave me a gift (it was his favorite book), I responded by saying "You know I've already read this, right?" Smooth. 
• If he's at the end of a podcast (literally just the closing music) but you call him, he'll ignore the call just so he can listen to the closing music.
• He gets push notifications on his phone for the NBA and CNN. I get push notifications for ASOS and Pinterest. Oh, how the turntables.
• He's so ticklish you just have to point your finger in his general direction and he'll flinch.
• *coming to a realization about fashion* "Wait, your shoes do matter." 
• He knows the quickest and surest way to get me to roll my eyes all the way back into my skull is to start a sentence with "Well, I'm from Ogden, so....."
• After I basically did a somersault on the sidewalk to avoid getting dive-bombed by a bird, he said "You and I both know I'm the sane one." 
• The other night we were driving back from Nibley and he swerved to avoid crushing a cup in the road. A PLASTIC CUP.
• He drove me all the way to Bear Lake on a school night because I'd never been and I wanted to look at the stars. They didn't disappoint. 
• He leaves food on my porch all the time.