things houston says: third degree

I couldn't think of any other term including the word "third" besides "the third man," and that's....that's not what I wanted to say.

so innocent. er...innocent-looking. 

"I should become a de-motivational speaker. People will listen to me talk and think 'Wow, nothing is possible.'"

"I was at the Minnesota Vikings game, and they were selling deep fried cheese curds with bacon bits in them. Eating those is probably the worst thing you could be caught doing."

"But you ate them?"

"Yeah, of course.

Me: "I'm always worried about running into him."

H: "Well, just never run."

"I like to know what events I'm missing so I have more pleasure when I'm doing the other thing instead. [for example] I think his town hall is boring but I could be at the trebuchet activity."

Somebody mentioned the Spice girls. Houston: "I love that band! Them and the Dixie Chicks."

H: "You pulled up to me with wild abandon."

H: "With gusto."

M: "With Gaston!"

H: "...."

M: "It was worth a shot."

H: "Harambe was worth a shot."

*veers wildly into the street and begins to play the Black Keys*

"Now that you're probably savoring your life a bit more, you can really enjoy this song."

*accidentally touches my butt*

H: "Sorry, I didn't notice where it merged into butt."

M: ?????????

H: "It's true though. I hadn't ascended the hill yet."

(no context) H: "I don't remember any of my dentists."

*putting our hands together*

Me: "What movie is this from?"

H: "Just Like Heaven." 

Me: "How do you know that?"

H: "I've seen every chick flick every MADE. *whispers* I saw Something Borrowed....twice."

*at the grocery store, we saw a group of people straight outta the 90s

M: "Why are they wearing turtlenecks and overalls?"

H: "They're wearing their parents clothes or something..."

M: "This is a roller coaster I never wanted to get on!"

H: "Are you having emotion-sickness?"

M: "I need the blanket...are you on it?"

H: "I need meth...are you on it?"

*talking about a certain movie

M: Who was the director of that one?
H: He who must not be named...*voice lowers* James Cameron.

*sees sign*

"I hope someday I can hold that title!"

*talking about 12 tribes of Israel*

"I'm from a tribe...called Quest." 

(I was tired and couldn't complete a sentence) 

H: "Yeah...sometimes when people look at my face...they just can't finish their sentences. A cop pulls me over and just goes uhh...you can go."

I write THEM a ticket. For disturbing MY peace. 

Houston: "We'd be the hottest couple in hell."

Everyone: "Wanna watch Gilmore Girls?"

Houston: "No. I have testicles."

*very seriously to me* H: "Have you ever had an account at farmersonly.com?"

"Next year we should have Thanksgiving in a mattress store."

H: "How tall are you again?"

M: "5'3"

I was just wondering if you could join the lollipop guild...

H: "What kind of mom do you think Bath-Sheba was?"

M: "My dad took a class from High Nibley."

H: "Hugh Nibley took a class from me."

*before Christmas devotional*

H: "I don't want a nose ring...I want an eye ring (Eyring)."

Me: "[Star Wars] Episodes 1-3 were so bad."

Houston: "Yeah that's why they originally aired on the Hallmark Channel."

DAGGER IN THE HEART

*loud growl*

Me: "Oh that was my stomach."

H: "Oh I thought it was a train passing above the house."

*sees woman using walker*

H: "Do you think she named it Paul?"

Houston, introducing me at Thanksgiving dinner: "She's constantly on the verge of her next nap."

*Sees guy sweeping salt at Sam's Club*

H: "Geez, save some for the Lake."

H: "The show Naked and Afraid is about people using the showers in the MTC."

M: "You think everything is a front. See that Herberger's over there? It's a front."

H: "There's no way Herbergers stays in business if it's not a front!" 

(but really...everything is a front to Houston)

*looks at self in self checkout*

H: "Self checkout..."

*this happened as I was typing up this blog post*

H: "When we have a daughter can we name her Lisa?"

*long pause*

"And then name our son...Bart?"

Me: "no."

Recently, Houston and I decided to start a music blog. Yesterday we were coming up with URL ideas. This is what Houston came up with over an excruciating hour of brainstorming:

• www.hamwisebanshee.com
• www.ringostarfish.com
• www.JohnCenaaaaaa.com (we had to spell it with five A's because everything else was taken)
• www.cucumberslumber.com (he said this one in a very sing-song voice)
• www.jumpropes4kids.com (???????)
• www.swoonthewizard.com (again, what?)
• www.RichardDryFace.com
• www.logspot.com (obviously a blog about logs)
• www.forrestgrump.com
• www.DanielNightLewis.com