1.04.2019

trying to be relatable AND poetic

This is my constant struggle.

But I guess a writer can be whatever they want, because I don't write for anyone else. Just for me. If it helps you or resonates with you or makes you laugh, gOOD.

But I don't do it for you.

Resolutions are on (most) everybody's minds at this time of year, but I gave up making a list of resolutions about 5 years ago. It just made me feel overwhelmed and like a failure as soon as I inevitably let one of my fifty lofty goals fall by the wayside.

Now I try to set one broad goal for the year that kind of encompasses who I want to become. Last year it was to pay attention more--which happened to encompass many of my spiritual, physical, and emotional goals. And I think I had more noticeable progression last year than I have in a while (at least, noticeable progression to me, which is all that matters).

I'm still not quite sure if I can put into words what my goals are for this year, but seeing as our family has some big changes coming soon (moving, graduating, getting new jobs, etc), I feel like my goal will probably have something to do with faith over fear.

Last year, and probably every year of my life so far, I made some decisions out of fear. I'm a pretty  anxious person (something I am trying to overcome), and any sort of change to my comfort zone results in my immediately feeling worried, out of control, and wanting to run away from it all. Not healthy, yo!

So even though I don't know where I'll be living or what I'll be doing in six months, I feel strangely calm about it all. I know it will all be fine.



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