why I (sorta) quit true crime podcasts

I say sorta because I'm still currently listening to "Cold," but I know how that one ends, and it's more frustrating and sad than gruesome. Still doesn't explain why I like listening to frustrating and sad things, though.

Last year I had an abundance of time at work and nothing with which to fill it. So I started to listen to true crime podcasts, because I didn't have to pay very much attention to what was happening and I could still teach myself Adobe Illustrator or something. Until I did start paying attention, and then the things I was hearing were just too much. True, it has helped me to be more cautious--when I was in high school I would go running at night all the time, always alone, never with any sort of reflective gear on or mace or anything. Now I would never do that.

I have mixed feelings about this culture of fear that's so prevalent now, though! As a kid I was often sent outside for the entire day and most of the time my mom vaguely knew where I was (in the general neighborhood), but I didn't have a cell phone or a walkie talkie or GPS or anything. She just trusted that I would come home at the end of the day (and I did). As a teenager, my friends and I would have sleepovers where we'd usually end up walking around the neighborhood (at 1am) just because. That sounds insane to me now, but at the same time....

Is the world really a scarier place now than it was then? Is the risk higher? I'm not a parent yet, so I can't say for sure how I'll feel about letting my future kids run loose without really knowing where they are at all times, but I don't want them to be anxious. I don't want them to think that the possibility of bad things happening in the world is more likely than good things.

There are so many good things. We just don't ever talk about them.

 

 

On good days, if you trust life, life has to answer you.

— Albert Camus, from A Happy Death (Vintage, 1995)