"I'm not a fan of the 'stache." -my little sister, to me last night

Things to Do in Rexburg At 12am: Part One of a Series

I don't have a mustache. Sometimes I wish I did, so I could really be a hipster and participate in No-Shave November (oh wait...I can...). I do have peach fuzz, which is barely visible, thank you very much. But Ellie has no filter (#related), so she just says things. She tried to recover by saying "Uhh I was talking to Caleb." Caleb has had a mustache since age 2. But, I digress.

This morning I woke up to the most evil birds that have ever been birthed from an egg. ???? I was about to get my flamethrower that I don't have and start a forest fire in our backyard. Don't those birds know what I went through this weekend?! HUH!

Well they don't...but I'm about to tell you. So maybe next time we can prevent this "McKenzie getting woken up at the crevasse of dawn by evil ravens that aren't quoting Edgar Allen Poe, otherwise she would probably like them instead of trying to shoot them out of the tree with a bow and arrow." YA FEEL ME?!

On Friday evening, I went to a BBQ with some wardies. I decided to wear a skirt because it's really hot and I actually hate being hot. A nice 75-80 degrees tops is my limit. Hashtag never living in Arizona, yo. Anyway, back to the BBQ and not my skirt. I went to the park down the street from my house, and nobody was there. So I sun-tanned burned my exposed leggies for a little bit until I realized the BBQ was happening at the other end of the park. Upon arriving there, I got into a great discussion about awkward break-ups, which was spawned by this video. Jimmy Fallon=the template for my future husband (hopefully my future husband is reading this).

One of the best awkward break-up stories was told by my amiga, Marlaina. She said that she broke up with this boy and then he cradled her in his arms whilst singing "Somebody That I Used to Know." For an hour. A FULL HOUR. And she broke up with him, so she was trying to get him to leave, but he just wouldn't. #bless

Then the rest of the night went down like the Hindenburg. Such a terrible joke. Woof.

9:30pm- #Trenterz (all that needs to be said)
11pm-awkward gas station incident
11:30pm- try not to fall asleep
12am- grocery store for a hoagie and some orange juice. and newspapers for a fire we never started.
12:30am- drive up the canyon into the woods....for an hour.
12:45am- stop at a campsite, disturb some people in their tents (accidentally), decide our hammocks deserve a more woodsy spot, drive further up the mountain
1:00am- shine our flashlights into the trees until we see a good spot. set up hammocks.
2:00am- fall asleep in hammocks/sleep-talk for a little bit and scare off the woodland creatures

Don't you wish your life was like mine? #whatissleep

Then on Saturday, because of the night before, I took a nap at 12pm, and another nap at 3pm. I think maybe I'm part sloth. Why fall in love when you can fall asleep? (put that on my tombstone) OMG I know what my next doodle is going to be.

Speaking of those doodles, I'm still working on opening an esty because people I don't know have started requesting these drawings, which cracks me up immensely. Basically what you guys are paying for is "excerpts from McKenzie's filterless mind." Wow, when I first typed that out it looked like "flirtless," which is also accurate. Eggplant emoji.

Oh yeah. And I can't forget about The Saga of McKenzie's Flat Tire. The story goes like this: my front left tire was completely bald, unbeknownst to me (squinty-eyed emoji showing all of its teeth). I drove all over on Saturday, including all the way to the SLC airport and back again. I'm 99.9% sure my mom prayed for me that day, because my tire definitely should have blown out on the freeway in the middle of the night. But it didn't. It went flat rather anticlimactically (holy carp what is that word) about 10 minutes from my apartment, and my lovely friend Kenzie came and picked me up.

R.I.P. you dumb old donkey tire (which took a few days to get off, yay)

Prayer works. Service rocks. Sleep is good.

Thus concludes another weird post from McKeezy McSteezy (huh?).

am I a complex carb because I am slowly breaking down #summer

Here is a brief list of the most common questions I get asked throughout the day:

1. How do you come up with this stuff?
2. How are you so funny?
3. What goes on in that head of yours?
4. Are you okay?
5. No, really? 
6. Can you move please?
7. Did you know you have something on your face? Answer: "If you're referring to the hotness on my face then ya it's permanent and my parents put it there. Thanks parents for your DNA" (jk I don't say that I usually cover up my whole face and run to the nearest mirror).
8. Wanna go get tacos?

I always appreciate getting asked number 8. I don't have answers for 1-2. Number 3, welp, you know what goes on in that head of mine. It looks like an episode of Spongebob + a little bit of sleep deprivation mixed in. Also, no filter. This has been discussed. 

Summer has melted away. Like, lit'rally, we're at that phase now when my steering wheel burns me every time I drive, and I actually get blisters on my fingertips. Why do people live in Arizona? This is a serious question for my friends who have lived there (Kaitlyn and Alyssa, mostly). 

I haven't done a "weird things found on my camera roll" post in awhile. And since I am still kind of recovering from the hike to Mt. Doom Mt. Timpanogos on Saturday, I can't think of anything to write. So, PICTURES. Or, more accurately, "the outtakes of McKenzie's life."

jumping pictures are difficult. also, leggings as pants? ehhhhh

I purposely take the long way home through Alpine Loop at least once a week. Plz somebody find me a mountain man to build me a cabin up there. We will live there with our babies and I will make them papooses. Wouldn't you like to live a life with PAPOOSES?! Me too.

4evz chasing sunsets.

last year, Georgia+Eric+myself came up here on a summer night like this one, and Eric did a handstand in front of the temple. Right there by the fence. And I think we started quoting Muppet Treasure Island or somefin. Man, we are appropriate. #not

One night like 2 weeks ago, I found myself on another hike, and my view was obscured by trees. Silly trees. It's like I was in the forest or something. Anyway, I hiked up in the mud where I wasn't supposed to be hiking. I was really hoping for a mountain goat sighting for my sacrifice. Sigh. 

Kevin. Eating chicken pot pie with the biggest spoon available. Moment of silence for how great Kevin is. 

Should I have put this one on Instagram? Dangit. I should have. 

The best/worst purchase I ever made was that wolf t-shirt. #pineconemustache

WE MADE RAVIOLI. Because we're domesticated.

Wait, I take that back. I killed a cactus. And as my friend Clay loved to point out to me, I killed "one of the most independent plants on the planet." So, pat on the back to me and my black thumb. Blacker than Michael Jackson, pre-1990. YA FEEL? p.s. Trent you were right when you said I was gonna kill it. :(

I found this on my car one day. Unless "Jeremy" is Bill Gates' alias then no, I'm not gonna call him. KTHXBYE.

?????

Sooo sleep deprived! Those bags under my eyes are designer. Heh. Heheh. Man I'm tired.

sometimes

• sometimes I have recurring dreams for months at a time. and then I think "I should go to therapy." And I really think I should go to therapy, you guyz. Maybe it would help me stop talking so strangely. I know my mom would like me to stop spelling "guys" with a z.
• sometimes I think I am the most blessed human on this planet and I don't deserve it. And other days I complain way too much, and then feel guilty for complaining because I don't have anything worth complaining about. Except recurring dreams. And stubbing my toe on the part of my bed that sticks out.
• sometimes I eat two sandwiches for lunch instead of one. because the 2nd one was "smaller." Translation: the bread looked smaller but I put the same amount of stuff on it, so. #justified??
• sometimes I use Netflix solely to watch old Disney Channel Original Movies. And yes, I do this when I'm alone.
• sometimes I can go many days in a row without talking to any of my friends...and I don't like that very much. Introverts like to be alone, but without any intimate human interaction, we go crazy. I'm at that point now. I have two love languages (tied for first place, holla, I need way too much love, it would seem): words of affirmation (surprise) and quality time. And I would like to submit Mexican food as my third love language. 
• sometimes it's 12:30 am and that can turn into a dark place because I start thinking too much about all the things going wrong in my life, so instead I make lists of all the places I want to hike this summer. The list is long.
• sometimes the temple is the only place I feel like my head is on straight. I'm so grateful I work there. Four hours once a week doesn't seem enough. Ain't never gon' be enough. Sorry mom.
• sometimes I love that silly little iPhone of mine but other times I miss the clunky one I had before, just because it didn't distract me. Like whoa. Srsly. I'm pretty sure Satan controls iPhones. And also he invented french fries. Dadgumit, Lucifer.
• sometimes I think I would like to hibernate for a few years. And other times I don't wanna sleep at all because #recurringdreams. GO AWAY PLEASE.
• sometimes I daydream about my future babies. Is that weird? Well I don't care. I think about them a lot. 
• sometimes your whole family leaves for Washington and Oregon without you for two whole weeks, and you cry a little. 

and now, a photo essay on what you've missed lately:

this is Ellie. in this picture she is wearing my shoes, and a wife beater, and some giant basketball shorts. She doesn't leave the house like this because my mom won't let her.

She also say things like this. Regularly.

one night it snowed...this was like 2 weeks ago. #utahsummers

Anyway, I was supposed to run 3 miles, and I didn't want to, but I did, and then THIS happened. Liiiiife lesson up in heeeeere.

 my hiking buddy and name twin. 

Phoebe: "I dare myself not to eat these chips until we get to the waterfall."

When I was a baby, they called me The Heat Miser because my hair stuck straight up.

And now, welp. You can see the connection.

found this at D.I. the other day.

I have nothing further.

Sorry for being such a whiny boob. Sometimes I'm human (sometimes=alwayz). And I add "z" to the ends of things. And I feel sad for no real reason at all. And I drive with my windows down at night and the music turned up way too loud. And sometimes I drive with no music at all. Sometimes I eat ice cream for lunch. Sometimes I jump on my bed when I get excited/nervous. Sometimes I can't stop shaking because I'm so afraid of seeing certain people or going certain places or doing certain things. Sometimes I don't drink enough water. Sometimes I drink too much, and then avoid people who make me laugh too hard. Ya feel me? Sometimes I listen to songs over and over because they hurt, but in a good way. Sometimes I read poems out loud to myself, to nobody at all, to see what they sound like. Sometimes I wonder if I really am somebody. Then I remember that I always was, and always will be. Sometimes it's hard to remember. But I'm trying.