never gonna work for Brita because I have no filter, yo

sometimes (meaning always)

I have no filter, and stuff just comes out. I can't control it and then I say it and I'm like "here, foot, meet mouth."

so dumb, so dumb, so dumb.

por ejemplo:

person who shall remain anonymous: I want to find my cousin a wife, but he has a weird gait so I think maybe girls don't wanna date him.

me: just start with the gypsies. preferably ones who play the tambourine.

WHAT DID I JUST SAYKFSLFSAF;AD;?!

rush: maybe you should just marry a Colombian.

me: yeah but I'd want my babies to be purebred brown.

rush: ......

jessica: I really like this guy etc etc etc

me: omgash you're going to bear his children somedayyy!

me: this game looks super awkward. I'm not playing it.
JP: yeah me neither.
me: I mean look, it's boy-girl-boy-girl. You know they want people to get married from this game. Or impregnated.

I promise on my dead dog's grave that I'm a good person. Pinky-swear-promise!

I'm done. Why did I even get a degree in English? I should've gotten a degree in Communications. Or just read the book "How to Not Talk like a Dummy for Dummies." 

and now I shall leave you with the most awkward picture of a horse ever, brought to you by Coscto.

you keep it real, Costco.