not today, satan. not today.

the reverse camera was on and I didn't know, this was not even a POSED reverse reaction #sundaynapface

(you know those are a thing now, right? Oy)

Have you ever gotten set up on a blind date

And then all you have to go on is this person's name

So the name is stuck in your cranium for a little while

And then,

Have you ever dreamt about this person??

Or maybe dreamt that you owned a HOT DOG STAND NAMED AFTER THEM?!?

A HOT DOG STAND.

That happened.

I am currently on the verge of tears because the.girl.who.bought.my.contract.backed.out.at.the.last.second.i.am.cry.

But really, it's gonna be okay. IT IS. IT IS. I might not believe that right now but if I keep saying it screaming it into my pillow, it will become truth.

Provo, you dirty pirate. I have said "GOOSE FEATHERS!" in all caps more times than I care to count in the past week. And I mean in text. Like I would say "GOOSE FEATHERS" out loud! Psh. But really, Provo. PROVOOOOOOO. Moving here was a fluke. Then it was horrible, then it was awesome, then it was kind of like "Wait, what? I do like Provo?" Then it was like "Oh, I guess it's time to move now...right when I'm starting to like it here."

Duh. Life. Life deals hard and fast and it's just...hard to keep up sometimes. Which is why I was eating that chocolate-covered macaroon at 9:30 in the morning.

Not today, Satan.

Not today.

me: "yeah I'm totally okay I just (takes deep breath) (starts screaming)"

Oh

How

The

Turn

Tables.

For the past two weeks I haven't been sleeping well. I actually don't usually sleep very well, but the last few weeks have been especially bad. It's like my mind had this itch it could not WOULD NOT scratch, and every night I would get into bed all exhaustified from life and my brain would be like "hey hey psssttt I have a bunch of ideas about our future, wanna hear?" And I'm like, "Uh, maybe not now? Since it's 1am? Maybe no?????" Brain: "Hahahahahaha." *proceeds to not stop talking all night*

lol kill me in the face

I never say "lol" and I probably won't ever say it again. *screenshot*

I was really stressed about all the different directions my life was taking. Imagine you're standing on a road and the road has 5 different forks (which makes it..not a fork...more like a mutant-utensil but ANYWAY) and they all look real nice. The first fork pathway has flowers growing on it and it's sunny, looks sort of like southern California, oh gosh, yeah, no-brainer, I'll take this one. Then while you're walking down that path, you get a glimpse of the other one: it also has flowers growing on it, but it also has huge trees (for shade purposes) and a river flowing next to it. Okay....alright that one looks better. Lemme just backtrack real quick.

And so it continues, until you think "OK. WHICH ONE IS WHICH. WHICH ONE AM I SUPPOSED TO BE ON." Help a brotha out. P.S. Whenever I see the word "brotha" my brain autocorrects it to "brothel." Not helpful. Doesn't your brain autocorrect stuff? Isn't it weird that "autocorrect" is a verb used to describe things other than our phones' Freudian slips?

I got one rejection letter and one acceptance letter this week. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. I was shocked both times. Then two other opportunities presented themselves, and the sleepless nights resumed.

At least I got a solid 5 hours the other day.

*cries softly to self*

/existential crisis rant over (for now)

to-do list

What to do when you have received your first grad school rejection letter (which was so generic, honestly guys, you can do better. At least send me a bag of chocolate-covered pretzels to make up for the $50 I paid to email you stuff):

1. cry a little
2. cry a lot
3. stop crying
4. call your mom on the phone
5. don't say anything, just let her talk
6. take a few cleansing breaths, that's right, in and out, you're doing it!
7. maybe go kick something. inanimate. an inanimate thing. preferably of the metal variety. like a dumpster
8. attempt a headstand or something you have never tried before (providing it's legal)
9. make an insanely large batch of muffins
10. don't let anyone talk to you about the dress EVER AGAIN ever. ever. 
11. get really frustrated about this particular episode of LOST
12. ask yourself again why you decided to rewatch this show (UGH SEASON FOUR UGH)
13. have a rly entertaining conversation about lotion and foot rubs with a friend
14. I MEAN REALLY, FOOT RUBS (I wish I could show you this convo but I cannot but trust me it was the best conversation in the history of conversations *bangs gavel*)
15. give a foot rub, make some dolla billz, throw 'em in da air, brush your haaaair 
16. stop trying to write songs like that ^^ just stop.
17. email some other (smaller) universities (not in UT) about their MFA programs
18. let them call you the next day and tell you that you could start classes in April (?!)
19. email someone else about teaching English in Lithuania (you could go to Sweden, that's right, where Leif Erickson is from, and everything I know about Leif Erickson I learned from Spongebob Squarepants #art)
20. read this talk
21. go for a long drive in your car/bike/vehicle of choice
22. take the hottest shower ever because that is a poor people's Jacuzzi and goshdangit you gotta take advantage of those hot showers, amen.
23. stock up on toilet paper cuz you're out.
24. well...? Toilet paper is fundamental!
25. Hey guess what it's almost been 48 hours since you got that rejection!
26. You've already forgotten about it
27. Congratulations.