I want you guys to know that I DID smile and laugh on this hike thanks to my homies Trent and Shae, bless them, but gosh it's hard to laugh at 11,752 feet. There's no extra air up there for laughing the way that I do (whole body movements, bending over, etc). You can't ralllyyy bend over on top of Timp, or you'll fall over on top of Timp, and then suddenly be on the bottom of Timp.
Here is a brief list, conjured from the broken shards of my brain, of things that were said on this hike by various persons (no names will be mentioned to protect the innocent/also I can't recall exactly who said the thing. Make it a game! Guess who said the thing!)
"This protein bar has 35 grams of protein."
"35 grams?! Wanna hook up?"
"Can we slide down the glacier?"
"Not unless you don't ever wanna have kids."
"It would be nice if there was a zipline right here {at the summit}."
"It would be faster."
"Another thing that would be faster is if you just rolled off the mountain. Cuz then you'd be dead, and wouldn't have to finish."
*blank stares*
"Ok but who put these rocks here."
"WHO PUT THESE ROCKS HEEEERE."
*upon seeing more rocks*
"Cuss word." (I'm not gonna write it, duh, this is a family blog!)
"Are you on your period?"
"No...why would you ask me that."
*gross smile*
"??????????????????"
"My hands are swole. Like little sausages."
"My hands have DIMPLES. They shouldn't have dimples!"
"Himples."
"You guys are on your period."
"*Jim Halpert face emoji*"
"I can't slide down any more dirt. I just bought these leggings."
"Can't believe this is paved for so long. I wonder what kind of Eagle Project on Steroids that was."
"I blinked my balls. My eyeballs. I probably shouldn't say that unless we're taking a picture."
"Or you're blinking."
"GET NAKED! I mean...what?"
*to the wide expanse of rock and ice*
"STOP SAYING PER-PER!!!" (it kinda echoed, guys)
"We've burned 3500 calories today."
"Is that it?"
"That's like 2.5 days worth."
*thinking of all the food I can eat*
"Is that it?"
"You did this to me."
"It's not my fault you decided to hike this pregnant."
"Why did I buy these nectarines? What are nectarines?"
"It's like a PEESH, but harder, so easier to carry in a backpack."
"I don't like these. It's your fault I bought them."
"It's not my fault you don't know what a nectarine is!"
*deep conversations at the summit, part five*
"What's wrong with my legs?"
"It's all the lactic acid building up."
"Should I put my feet up or something?"
"Just eat a huge plate of spaghetti with broccoli."
"I only have noodles."
"Same difference."
*grabs cereal*
"I can't stand for very long because my legs are...they have..."
"Jelly bones."
"What an accurate description."
*talking about a movie*
*someone mentions Christian Bale*
*someone down below us goes "Yeah?"
Maybe you had to be therrreee.....but really that was funny! ha! HAHAHAHAHA I'm DELIRIOUS.
"I think you'll have a six pack tomorrow because of this."
"Eh. Not worth it."
"Is that a baby goat? A BABY? A BABY GOAT! IT'S A BABY GOAT EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS TINY PERFECT SPECIMEN OF A GOAT." -everyone said this as they passed the baby goat, let's be HONEST.
And now, a picture dump before my computer dies, along with my phone, and me. Huh? I didn't say anything. May you all be wiser than we were and take an elevator to the top of Timp.
the back of Shae
do you see the eyeball!?! this is funny because a) LOTR reference and this mountain is basically Mordor and b) we said the word "eyeball" like 50,000 times on this hike
those humans were sliding into the lake from the snow, yay for them, and yay for us for not doing it
THE GOOOOATS
here is is a more terrible pic of the goats but srsly the baby one was just chewing and staring at everyone I NEED ONE
my face is so swell (as in swollen) (and I'm grimacing) (but I am happy to be at the top por fin)
the back of Shae, the sequel
I like black and white too, sowhatwhocares
get the lump OUT OF HERE
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