things I will probably needlepoint onto a billboard

I can now say that unironically because I ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO NEEDLEPOINT.

Welcome to the Millennial Old Lady Phenomenon. I did in fact just make that up (obviously).

But you know it's true. Millenials are the new hipster, and hipsters were always just old people in disguise.

Hence my penchant for embroidery and wearing huge clothes that don't fit.

Here is a list I made in the middle of my social media fast (what, you don't struggle with giving up social media? What are you, a robot?):

things to embroider on a piece of fabric or maybe a billboard cuz that would be better:

• stop adding extra vowels to your children's names
• worry about yourself (oh no, but then we couldn't speculate about stranger's lives on social media?! REVOLUTIONARY)
• scream into a pillow, you probably won't feel better but at least you'll get to scream
• you can correct people's grammar or you can have friends
•  when you feel yourself starting to compare, SWERVE (this might not be a good billboard) (for safety reasons)
• live your life like the person who invented toast--they saw a piece of bread and went "cook it again," wow
• don't turn down the music in my car to speak to me--do you think your conversation is more important than this absolute banger?
• solo night drives are at the bottom of the food pyramid
• do you ever look at the ocean and think "sure is some scary soup!"
• space fact: if you look up, there it is
• the magic is in you. but it's also in microwaveable macaroni and cheese.
• when I catch my big break and show up to the academy awards wearing my old EFY shirt and some beat-up vans it's over for you hoes
• facing confrontation? sneeze yourself into another dimension
• any room is a crying room if you cry in it
• it's called oPENING, not "unboxing," you absolute pancakes
• it's okay to be OK (oklahoma)
• a warm bed. food to eat. walking back into the kitchen right as the microwave beeps. (this has been a poem)
• I'm sorry I watched an episode without you  

THANKS FOR BEING HERE

SORRY I'M YELLING IT'S JUST ONE OF THOSE TIMES