♪ wake up in the morning feeling like p-diddy ♫ *falls out of bed*

this cake is for everyone who graduated/is gonna graduate/is done with school/is gonna be done with school this week 

(Trent, do not comment on this picture... I swear)

The other day I used those gas station pumps to put air in my bike tires because it is spring for realsies now, which means bike all day, all night, all the in-between times too, and the air leaked onto my hands and smelled like a dead fish. Not cool, gas station pumps. Not cool.

I finally met my spirit animal, the lovely Heather. Roxberries=McFrenzy friendship initiation. If you haven't eaten smoothies with me yet (whispers)...then we aren't actually friends. SOrry.

please notice Pokey's hiney in this picture. 

never thought I would type that sentence.

She just texted me to say that she forgot to bring actual pants to school. Is she the greatest or is she the greatest (praise hands)?

P.S. Read this, it's worth it.

I just realized that I give you guys, like, stage directions while I'm writing. What is that all about?

Last night I was the only girl in a room full of 6 boys. Don't be jealous. ...Really. Like, I was sitting on top of their giant bean bag chair (it's at least 2 stories tall) while they watched the NBA Playoffs. If last night was an episode of a sitcom, that episode would be called "If Men Are From Mars Then Women Are From A Galaxy Far, Far Away from Mars."

Observe:

me: "This is the part of sports I don't get...the highlights. Why do we have to watch them all over again? And why do they analyze it? It was great. But it's over now."
*instant replay of someone dunking a basketball...I think*
boy: "But didn't that just make your heart so happy?"
me: "I wasn't paying attention...heh."
boy: "Oh. Well it was awesome."
me: ....

boy: are you enjoying yourself? (hint of sarcasm there, but I forgive you-know-who-you-are)
me: [on Pinterest] yes! *shifty eyes*

girls that came over to visit for 5 seconds and therefore I didn't get names: hey guys wassup.
boys: hey, hey, come in and sit!
girl: oh no, we were just out walking.
boy: but you've been walking all day....
girl: ...through your mind? ha. hahaha. ehhhh.
boy: yeah. yeah. that's what I was gonna say.
boy: hey did you leave Jell-O on my porch?
me: is this the beginning of another pick-up line?
*everyone laughs uncomfortably*
girl: no...but I know a girl in my ward who was making lots of Jell-O this weekend.
(can we just pause in this conversation for a second and revel in it? it's so great. only in Provo. okay. un-pause. again with the stage directions.)
boy: oh that explains it!
girl: yeah all my Jell-O is still in boxes.
*everybody laughs because that was a double meaning if I ever saw one*

boy #1: hey, look at my phone background. isn't it cool?
boy #2: hey, that's my phone background too!
me: well they're kind of the same.
boy #1: okay, you judge them. which one is better.
boy #2: hey you have the brightness turned up! no fair! let me turn my brightness up. okay. now judge.
me: okay..well...you see, the trees are in this aesthetically-pleasing line in this one, so it's more pleasing to the eye. (errybody's eyes are glazing over because of the art references)
boy #1: okay but what about mine. it has aesthetic lines.
me: well, it has a bird in it. so that's cool. but the lines are more abrasive in it.
boy #1: you're abrasive!

boy: I just realized that this smells bad (pulling undenifiable object out of couch cushion)
other boys: ew, what is it? let me smell. (they pass it around and all smell it)
me: (making turtle face)
boy: you wanna smell?
me: no thanks. I'll pass.

I just...DK. And no, that does not stand for Donkey Kong. Although we could make that a verb if we wanted to. You know how when people (Elder Holland) slam their fists on the pulpit? Donkey Kong! "Oh he just donkey-konged that piece of wood!" ....ehh okay maybe not.

And now, a photo essay on how I spent my Easter.

don't mess.

#skullet

babies are my favorite versions of humans. just so we're clear.

This week begins wedding season. Seriously...2 (maybe 3) wedding festivities in 5 days. Utah in the summer is just one giant wedding reception, yo. And that's not even the half of it. I'm supposed to go on like 3 road trips this summer, what! 

Peace.

I'd Really Like to Flirt With That Cute Boy Over There But When I Shaved I Missed a Spot on My Kneecaps: A Memoir, by McKenzie Livingston

 a rare photo of the most awkward species in her natural habitat

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I re-used an f-beezy status as my blog title. but you don't even care, right? I sure don't.

So, here's the thing.

I'm awkward. Not just the usual social-awkwardness that everybody is afflicted with from 7th grade up until high school graduation. Nope, not that.

Awkwardness just follows me around like a homeless kitten and I KEEP GIVING IT CATNIP, MAN.

I've got to stop.

Here's the scene: it's Monday night, FHE, bla bla bla, I was trying to socialize and be extroverted but...it's harrddd. I mostly thought about going home and sleeping, and eating nachos, but I couldn't leave on account of Eric-face drove me there and therefore my car was at the church, and he's in charge of stuff and therefore he couldn't leave so I couldn't leave and GASH.

Ball and chain, yo.

Just kidding.

But that's how me and this awkward-metaphorical-kitten relationship is. Ball and chain.

Anyhow, I saw a new person sitting on this see-saw thing (not really a "see-saw thing," it was a real life, legitimate see-saw, but for some reason adding 'thing' at the end makes it sound less...weird? kbye), and I went over to introduce myself.

This person happened to be a boy. Alert the presses!

Talking to boys isn't really an issue anymore. Fun fact: when I was in elementary school I would deliberately avoid walking past the dodgeball court because BOYS were there (the horror!) and what if one of them clocked me in the face, or worse, said hello?! I mean. I was terrified of them.

But now that I possess a degree in writing long papers English, and along with that some four years of being around lots of boys (without their scruff they are less intimidating and yes, beautiful. DIFFERENT POST FOR A DIFFERENT TIME), I am not afraid of them.

Unless, for whatever reason, they act awkward, and then I'm all like "uhhh I can't handle this awkwardness so I'm going to walk away."

Jorge told me that this was my secret talent. When I'm in the middle of something awkward, I just find my escape hatch and bust a move.

Alright, I'm done interrupting myself now. I went to talk to this boy and after I introduced myself, he patted the seat next to him, on this see-saw. Now, everybody that's ever been on a see-saw knows that the engineering is set up so that only two people can ever sit comfortably on one....just one, no fun, and if one person leaves abruptly, well, the other person leaves abruptly too, if you know what I mean.

He was sitting on the middle part, so he was "comfortable" I guess, but there was absolutely zero room for me to sit there, except for maybe if I was 120 lbs lighter and in diapers, but what'errr. I just nodded (awkwardly, because nodding is kind of awkward when used seriously), and sat on one of the actual see-saw seats. Ha. Say that five times fast while doing a headstand.

Upon doing this of course, it made the see-saw go up, on the guys side.

Awkward point for me!!!

As soon as he moved and we were balanced out again, he started to make small-talk. Juicy.

"Soo, what do you like to do?"
"Um, well I like snowboarding! Longboarding?"

I offered that second alternative just in case. Boys usually can relate to those two things. You know. Sportz.

"So did you play softball then?"
"Huh?"
"Softball..you played it in high school?"
(in my brain I'm thinking reallllly hard about what part of 'snowboarding' and 'longboarding' sounds like 'softball' and all my brain can connect is the 's' and 'b' in snowboarding and yeah....then my brain sends me a signal that says 'this is all about to go downhill. RUN.')
"Ummm no, I didn't play softball."
"Oh. Baseball?"
?????????????????????????????????????

Time for the escape. As soon as my friend Courtney came over to say hi, I gave her a very subtle look which also meant "THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY SOUL FOR COMING OVER HERE, SERIOUSLY BLESS YOU AND BLESS YOUR FACE AND YOUR VOICE AND BLESS"

and then I got up off the see-saw, meaning that the boy "got up" off of the see-saw too, without wanting to. In fact, I kind of propelled him right out of that awkward conversation which he pulled us both into.

So, you're welcome new person.

You're welcome.

shout out to google for providing me with a picture of this awkward cat

PEACE AND BLESSIN'S.