and now there is a boy outside my window talking about his girlfriend's lame texting habits ("she didn't text me back for 7 hours!!!!") and I'm all like "yo, sleeping up in here."

Let the records show that I did not ask her to pose like this. 

SO. It's been awhile. #lyfe

I'm currently in my bed with a hot pad on (duh, because I'm an old lady and I never go to sleep without it). And a scarf. And a hoodie. Because the heat doesn't come on in my room or something. The irony is that there is a firepit outside my window for young single adults to gather around, and eventually cuddle, and eventually DTR and then get engaged. All while I shiver in my room, a mere 10 feet away, and sneeze myself to sleep. Ah, Provo.

I'm currently re-reading Harry Potter. It makes me feel 12. But then again, so does car-dancing, jumping on the bed, and eating chocolate for breakfast (all things which I regularly engage in, thank you very much).

Today a guy came into work and I rang him out, gave him his receipt, bla-blah, and then he like, looked into my soul and said "I need you to promise me that you'll have a good day." I said "Well it's already 6:30 so can I just get a rollover plan for tomorrow?" JK. I said "Um, sure!" ha. And smiled. Then he looked at me sternly and said "No really...promise me. Promise me you will." I said okay kind of nervously, because there were other people watching and I didn't want them to think we were, well, I don't know, he just had this look, okay?!

my thought process: "Guyz, I swear I did not know this human 50 seconds ago but now he is making me pinky-swear and that is reserved for BFFs so it feels like a violation."
what I really said: "Ahh, okay...yep, I promise!"
as he walked away: "Well, you promised now. So I'm going to check on it later. Okay? Okay McKenzie?" (dang that stupid nametag!)
me: Heheh...heh...(trailing laughter)
him: I'll see you later.

I'll mark my calendar for that day. And I shall mark it "RUN AWAY ON THIS DAY AND AT THIS TIME. TO MEXICO."

Oh yeah, and shoutout to Snapchat for providing me with a really awkward amount of terrible selfies on my camera roll. How will I ever explain this to my posterity? 

"Yeah so this one is of me with three chins and the caption says "I just ate lasagna." And I actually sent it to someone and they are still friends with me." Oh I know, I could make a book of parables about it! That'll learn them. 

Parable 1: Choose good friends who will still speak to you even after you send them Fat Tuesday pictures (#notamardigrasreference).

????????????????????

(this was before I added special effects. a.k.a. fake crayon art)

I request the highest of fives for completing this post while on cold medicine. Because if you know me well, you know how I react to any type of medication.

Mentos + diet coke.
Baking soda + vinegar.
McKenzie + drugz.

All da same reaction. Imploding. Exploding. Overall insanity.

here's a brief trip down memory lane (just me, talking to myself):
"hahaha remember when you shaved your legs 3x in one day because you were taking Sudafed?"

"omg or what about when the hospital gave you the stuff that's 10x stronger than morphine for 3 days and you had no control of your bladder whatsoever and everybody that visited you looked like a character from the Willy Wonka movie? remember when?"

"OR there was that precious time you took two Aleve and it knocked you out flat in the back of the car and so your parents went to a Christmas party while you slept in the backseat, and if anybody had walked by at the time they would've called the police because it looked like you'd been kidnapped and drugged (half of that is true). ??"

Ah, memories.

Don't do drugz. Over and out.

let's go back in time for a moment, shall we?

Will somebody please explain to me why we ever thought puka shell necklaces were so cool? Because I, for the life of me, cannot fathom why it was so awesome to own one. And yeah, just like any 13-year-old girl in the early 2000's, I felt the need to wear mine right along with my sparkly butterfly hair clips (the horror). And the boy I liked might've owned a puka shell necklace. One of those big chunky ones. Cuz, you know, those were more manly. Observe (and yes, I lit'rally googled "puka shell necklaces for men" and this came up. so, don't doubt my knowledge. I mean google's knowledge.):

look at him and his snazzy aviators and his carefully-placed bicep. he knows what's up because he has a puka shell necklace on. it makes me want to puka in the toileta.

But also, these.

you will never believe the name of the (current) article where this picture was from. "First Date Looks: 10 Clothes And Accessories For ’90s Grunge Inspired Style." No. Just no.

Now let's get real. Pokemon. Everybody loved Pokemon  right? We had friends in our ward who went to Japan sometimes (yeah, they just went to Japan, ok? Like it's an easy road trip or something. whatevs) and they would bring back special edition Japanese. Holographic. Pokemon. Cards. Hol-o-graph-ic. Code for "you are now the coolest person in the 4th grade."

Naturally, my brother and I ruled the neighborhood during those times. Ah, to be a pubescent Pokemon card-dealer again! That's how I built my street cred you know.

p.s. I don't actually have street cred. let's just clear that up right now in case I get any requests from thugs to join their gang. the answer is no.

here's a picture of me, circa 1995, just because?? oh I know how it applies--

I know how to do bicep-placement too. And I don't need a puka shell necklace to do it. 

#RIPBarney

While we're on the subject of television, let's talk about Nickelodeon. I mean, I was terrified of the dark (and vampires, creepy dolls, soul-sucking masks, and demon-possessed bloodhounds) but I still watched that dang show, "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"  And the scariest episode of all time gave me legit nightmares. Apparently it was number 16 on this list, but f'realz, look at that psycho vampire.  I was mostly afraid because we had one of those root cellars and I really thought a blood-sucking fiend would jump out and latch onto my neck meat every time I reached around the wall to turn on the light. 

Can't blame a young girl for having an active imagination, ok?

This coming from the same girl who, at age 5, was doodling "beer popsicles" on the program in church (this is not a lie, I don't like about anything, especially beer popsicles).

Imagination is powaaaah! But sometimes it keeps you up at night thinking that an ape-cray old lady with a tattoo necklace will grab your feet if you dangle them over the bed. I mean, don't tell me this doesn't make you wanna pee your pants:

Don't even TELL me. 

I debated whether or not I should talk about "them" but my 90's spirit animal said "do it" and so I'm doing it. SPICE GIRLS. They are ape-crazy, right? But we love them somehow?

let's take a moment of silence for all the people who hung this poster in their rooms. or who still have it hanging in their rooms...oh gosh. just pray. pray really hard. 

Shout out to my girl Amy, who channeled Baby Spice for many moons and dressed up as her for Halloween and had a Spice Girls folder, which I vividly remember coveting. So.

Oh yeah, speaking of the Spice Girls, have you seen this? Somebody do this with me in real life. Then we can become best friends.

Now let's talk about Disney-related things. Specifically Pocahontas-Disney-related things. I was/am/was obsessed.  Yes, my 5th birthday party was all Pocahontas-themed. My mom worked at the Disney store so we had the hook-upz. I have an entire photo album dedicated to this party, ok? If we're BFFs then you can see it. All others must fill out an application. 

I also owned a really creepy piggy bank with John Smith and Pocahontas cuddling. That was the piggy bank. Just them cuddling. And John having a coin slot in his back, which just made it look like he was having spinal surgery and in no way would he be in shape to be cuddling at that moment! You know? Okay well...Disney store: work on your coin slot placement. Thanks. There are kids out there with morbid imaginations. 

Oh yeah. Let's not forget my broski's Chief Powhatan boxers. Ah, don't you love saying that? It's like those words were all meant to be together. Chief Powhatan boxers. Now, story-time. Yet again. If you make it through this post I will give you money. Hard cash. 

a photograph of my brother and me, probably around the time the following story took place.

check dem grillz (on the car, gosh). 

One fateful day, he was climbing the tree in the front yard wearing those Chief Powhatan boxers (and nothing else on the bottom) and ripped a giant hole in them! R.I.P. Chief Powhatan boxers. You were the coolest thing to ever grace Isaac's underwear drawer.

Realness: it felt weird to type that last sentence. Moving on.

Now I'm gonna take you through time with these sentimental images. For those of you who grew up in this decade, get your kleenex out, okay? Trust me.

1,000,000 points to Gryffindor if you know what movie this is. 

life lessons from Arthur (a show I still watch, and I'm not even sorry about it)

I'm actually crying right now looking at this. 

 yes I did once go to a secret powderpuff girls meeting in a trailer. in a TRAILER. we weren't cooking meth, though. we were discussing our powderpuff powers. again, not a lie. what a childhood!

ain't no field trip like a "let's travel through a fellow student's intestines!" field trip

Oh, this game. I always died via snake bike and I could never ever cross that dang Platte River. It's a video game, how hard can it be to get a 2-D character through a pixelated pond? Super hard.

what kind of person invents this for children?! like, who are you and how do you still have your eyebrows? I'm pretty sure I would've shaved them off by now, if I knew who you were and where you lived.

My brother was known for stealing the neighbor's Ferbies and pushing them down the driveway, just to hear them say "oouuch, thaat huuurt" in their creepy voices. Ah man, he thought it was so chilarious. The neighbors didn't.

how many times do I have to say that I don't wanna hear 12-year olds singing "I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch." Like, it's done. Be done. My ears are lit'rally bleeding. Oh and don't worry. There are 24 of these. TWENTY FOUR. That means there are more of these than there are years of my life. What does this say about me?

Mm, don't answer that.

if you didn't watch this show, who are you?!?

God bless the 90's. And Isaac's ensemble. And my face, which I still make, to this day. And that backpack, which I am pretty sure had Barney on it. And that afghan. And that wallpaper. Oh, that wallpaper.

sorry, still not done being emo. *cue the dashboard confessional song*

So, here's how life is. I wake up in the morning feeling swollen and kind of gross (cold weather=swollen face. Yes, I look like a puffer fish. Whatev.). This morning my mom said "Did you cry yourself to sleep?"

What? Of course not.

They're called allergens. And coldness. And allergens.

Then I go to work. Then I go home and fall onto my bed, and usually fall asleep again (unintentionally). I usually dream about something awesome. Last night, I dreamt I was about to go on a shopping spree which I won. Then I woke up.

And reality struck me again. And I rolled out of bed again.

Life motto right now:

Let's be real. I do not feel like myself right now. I feel like the real Kenzie has gone M.I.A. and she needs someone to come and lay those defibrillator things on her chest. And wake her up. Shock her into being. And tell her to be brave--to give her permission to be brave.

Don't you ever feel like you need permission to be brave? It's like all the self-doubt and fear inside of you culminate against you all at the exact same moment. And you go "whoaaa I'm not emotionally equipped for this." You automatically assume you can't handle it. So you have to ask the universe for permission. Can I be strong? Wait, really? Is it possible?

Welp, maybe I can't be. But someone already went through what I am going through. And He can help me. Right? Right.

It's this kind of stuff keeps me going:

"When you feel that there is only a thin thread of hope, it is it really not a thread but a massive connecting link, like a life preserver to strengthen and lift you. It will provide comfort so you can cease to fear."
Richard G. Scott

“Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

Steve Jobs

"Yea, and how is it that ye have forgotten that the Lord is able to do all things according to his will, for the children of men, if it so be that they exercise faith in him? Wherefore, let us be faithful to him."

1 Nephi 7:12

oh yes I did throw a Steve Jobs quote in there. Because why the heck not. 

exit the womb they said. life will be awesome they said.

It's Fridayyyyy! Do you know what this MEANS?!  It means I'm going to make a happy list, just because I can. 

And life really is great. I mean yeah, it's hard and sometimes there's drama because I'm 9 (but really, ask Facebook). But it's GOING to be okay! It is!

So in honor of Friday and everything else that's glorious, here's a photographic happy list. Boom. (for the full effect, listen to this while you scroll, because I'm all for everything having a soundtrack)

 poetry

 autumn

 peanut butter + chocolate (and PIE, duh)

 coat weather at last

 driving down roads like this

 hand-holding. I support it.

 you know what else I support? Marlon Brando's face. 

 nighttime lighting

 simon & garfunkel, wassup

 this movie. never gets old. ever.

 all wise words

 the stars

tacos, duhhh-yes

all images via 

okay, let's get serious. I'm considering snapchat. I mean whyyyy. I feel like it's something a 17 year old would enjoy, so basically I'd probably enjoy it for its irony. Or something. What? Yeah, just tell me what to do. Impose on my agency. I'm going to get excommunicated for saying that, aren't I?

ooh yeah, and the next blog is going to be muy especial. I'm working on a project just for you (all five of you). Hint: go listen to Track 13 on The Beatles "Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band"  and you'll know what I'm getting at. Or maybe you won't. Gosh I'm terrible with hints and clues. I would've been a terrible pirate.

back in bidnez

Geesh. That was funky. I mean really. That last post was sooooooo serious. A bunch of people commented to me and said "Dang McKenzie, that was a lot of feelings" or "Is everything ok in your life? You don't have any razors available to you, right?" Gosh. I'm not that emo. Can't a girl wax poetic once in awhile? 

Anywayz. I'm going to stop before I bore you to death.

Here's some facts. 

Fact #1: I live in Provo. This is indeed true. I have not met two of my roommates yet. Not my fault, though, because they lit'rally never come out of their room. But you know what always gets people out of their rooms??? Do you?! (don't say an atomic bomb because gosh that is graphic). THE SMELL OF CINNAMON ROLLS. It's time for me to channel my inner Betty Crocker. Aand I can't believe I just said that.

Fact #2: I've decided on a running route. It goes up to the temple and around it and then back down the hill. Is there construction on this route? Duh. I live in Utah. The Land of Perpetual Everything Is Under Construction. I just think of it as an obstacle course. If I happen to fall into a manhole, so be it. At least I went down in style.....I mean spandex....wait. No. Those aren't synonymous. 

Fact #3: I found out about this amazing bike tour in Provorem (for only five bones!). Who is doing this with me? Just bring your bike and we'll gallivant around all the haunted places. Maybe we can re-make Hocus Pocus while we're doing it. I am down for such an activity. 

Fact #4: Flying squirrel costume + trampoline = perfect Halloween, right? Everyone leave your windows open please (that lives in Provo). Because you might be in for a surprise!

Wow. Nothing says pedophile like a costumed crazy person jumping in people's windows at night.

NVM. Forget I said any of that. But LOOOOKIT:

I didn't have time to photoshop my face onto that Brazilian girl's but SRSLY. I mean just imagine all the friends I would make if I wore this. True, these friends might be woodland creatures, but most Disney princesses are BFFs with woodland creatures sooooooooo.

Fact #5 I went to that Lumineers concert but guess what, the "Great" Saltair ripped everybody off and it's a long story which you can read all about on Yelp. Anywayz, The Lumineers ended up giving everyone a refund even though that wasn't their responsibility, but they are beautiful people (shout out to Jeremiah's beautiful face, specifically) for doing so. The Saltair (the concert venue) never acknowledged fault, and plenty of people who were there had things to say about it. The best insult I saw on their f-beezy wall was: "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your minarets!" I feel like she studied Egyptian history at some point in her life. Omgosh maybe she's the Pharaoh's wife and she like traveled through time! Did anyone else see "The Mummy" back in the 90's? No? I'm the only one without taste? Kbye.

Oh, and there was a drunk girl at this concert (actually there were, like, thousands of drunk girls I think, and drunk guys, and people who were high). But while we were stuck in the crazy parking lot after our not-concert, I decided to make the best of it, and videotape aforementioned girl who was clearly wasted on something, but this did not in any way hinder her hula-hooping skillz (this is the videos I promised you, Eric-face).

oh yeah, and a truck started to back into us at the end of this vid. NBD

Fact #6: I recently learned how to make Brazilian cheese puffs. The story goes like this:

{me driving in my car, on the phone, which is not illegal, btw}

mama jo: hey we're making cheese bread balls over here.

me: you spoke the right words. bread. cheese. together in one food. I'll be there soon.

recipe is right hur, folks

Fact #7: Somebody made this Bill Nye gif. And in doing so, they also made my life.

Oh to live in a time when Bill Nye the Science Guy is on Dancing With the Stars! I can't wait to tell my children about this someday.

I have recently learned that there is almost nothing "You've Got Mail" and a Roxberry won't fix (except for some terminal diseases...I'm working on that. Please hold).

(took these on a bike ride last night because summer is fading away and I feel the need to document these things)

This week has been one for the history books. Actually, this whole past month. I kind of thrust myself into a whole new world. Lots of changes all at once. It's painful, man. It hurts to grow and spread those wings. I told you I was going to break some bones when I crashed...and break them I did.

But that doesn't mean good things aren't ahead. 

Now I shall leave you with some words which better explain my feelings at the present moment. Over and out, homeskillets. I'll be back later with more riveting tales from Provorem. 

❝

Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. 

—  Rumi

❝

Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.

— A. A. Milne

❝

‘It is finished.’ May those words land on your bones for the nights when fear tells you the cross was a beginning & you must finish grace.

— Jon Acuff 

❝

Oh, eager heart… you need to learn when to shut up, you need to shut up.

— Angie Serazzi 

❝

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I would shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.

— Billy Collins, from “On Turning Ten” 

❝

I’m sorry for my inability to let unimportant things go.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close  

❝

In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.

— C.S. Lewis 

❝

Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.

— ursula k. le guin / the dispossessed

❝

You swallowed everything, like distance. Like the sea, like time. In you everything sank.

— Pablo Neruda 

❝

I really don’t know what ‘I love you’ means. I think it means ‘Don’t leave me here alone.’

— Neil Gaiman 

❝

I know it’s over, and it never really began, but in my heart it was so real.

— The Smiths 

❝

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.

— Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

❝

She realized, anything could happen. Literally. So humbly beautiful, how amazingly frightening.

— Nicole Davenport  

❝

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

— Maya Angelou

❝

Not knowing when the dawn will come
I open every door.

— Emily Dickinson 

❝

We all have our scars,
From loving someone too deeply.
From wanting to protect someone too much.

— Tachibana Mei (Sukitte Ii Na Yo)

❝

Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.

— Clementine Paddleford

❝

I am yours.
Don’t give myself back to me.

— Rumi 

❝

How do you go on when, in your heart, you begin to understand there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep.

— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King

❝
      I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.

— Anaïs Nin, Fire  

❝

I wish to hold you; then drink stardust and say permanently ‘farewell’.

— John Keats, Letters Of John Keats 

❝

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

— Joan Crawford

❝

It’s a most distressing affliction to have a sentimental heart and a skeptical mind.

— Naguib Mahfouz, Sugar Street 

❝

Love is a smoke and is made with the fume of sighs.

— William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet 

❝

Learn to hold loosely all that is not eternal.

— A.M. Royden 

❝

You will hear thunder and remember me,
and think: she wanted storms.

— Anna Akhmatova

❝

When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power. You do not need it anymore. Presence is the key. Now is the key.

— Eckhart Tolle

❝

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go

— Mary Oliver 

I’d Like to Thank the Academy… for Not Affecting Me in Any Way Whatsoever. But Thanks You Guyz. Because You’re “the Academy” or Whatever.

I’m writing this future blog post on a Microsoft Word doc (I know, sooo 2008), lit’rally sitting in my driveway, using my neighbor’s wi-fi, because we don’t got no internetz up in hur. You know why? Because #lightning #struck #our #house. Those hashtags are all dedicated to you, Nathan. Since I know you read my blog now. You really shouldn't have outed yourself.

Once I know somebody reads my blog it’s like that part in all superhero movies when the superhero’s nemesis finds out who they really are, and then goes after their sweet lover, who is usually a really dumb girl who should have learned 20 minutes into the movie to stop going down dark alleyways in see-thru clothes, but does it anyway (I’m talking to you, Mary Jane Watson).

For the love of everything in this world, stop going down dark alleyways right after you've walked past guys who are most definitely thugs. Or I'mma do this:

(an accurate representation of me at 3pm every day)

Okay, so maybe these shout-outs aren't exactly like the Green Goblin kidnapping Spiderman's lover because he wants to kill Spiderman. But you know what I mean. I’m going to start giving shout-outs all over the place to people, so get ready for some embarrassment or warm fuzzies or whatever it is you choose to feel when I say “HOLLA AT SO-AND-SO FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND READING MY BLOG, ‘PRECIATE CHA!” It’s a good thing I’m not:

a) An actress (because stage makeup)

b) A really good actress (because paparazzi and I don’t react well to cameras)

c) A really good actress who wins Academy Awards and has to give speeches and thank “the Academy” (because speeches and crowds and tight dresses and also SPEECHES)

d) Allergic to chocolate

Here’s what’s goin’ on:

• I’m excited for The Hunger Games movie, part deux. I’m lame, whatever. But I’m excited because Peeta. And also because Peeta. Oops I already said that! Guyz. Have you read the books though? Because PEEETTTA. Kbye. (sidenote: pita bread is also good and so shout out to pita bread for being delicious)

Shout out to your perfect jawline

            

Shout out to you, perfect bread Frisbees of deliciousness

• I’m moving. I have a key to my new apartment. This is real life. F’realz. Who wants to buy me a broom so I can christen the floor? (shout out to you-know-exactly-who-you-are)
• I wore my Chacos for prooobbly the last time this year (sniff). They didn’t even do their duty and give me a zig-zag-tan this summer. Technically that’s the sun’s job and technically I have to be, like, out in the sun to get the zig-zag-tan. But I’m taking the irresponsible route and blaming my shoes. #mature #nathanareyoustillreadingthis
• I have one concert left this summer…and it is going to be off-the-chain-insane. Lit’rally. My dad told me there will most definitely be potheads present because this band likes pot or something?? (what band doesn’t…shout-out to the Beatles. R.I.P.) But really. HO-HEY SHOUT OUT TO THE LUMINEERS. And Dr. Dog. Who I am also essited to see. I’m gonna try and touch a band member’s shoe this time. I might get spit on but it’ll be worth it, right? They have medicine for STD’s, right?
• I actually found this site (accident) but you guyz, this is real life. It exists. It’s pretty fun to take this as if you were…um….a really short, super hairy, drug-addicted human being. Who also lives in Mexico City. Becuz that’s what I did. Don’t ask how much I was worth. Shout out to the creepy people who made this quiz. You should probably be in prison. Just saying.
• I made a duck-face jar for my cuate Trent (cuate=Mexican slang for homie). I wish I had taken a picture of it! Well, it’s not that hard to imagine. Here, close your eyes. Picture a Mason jar (anybody who has Pinterest can do this very easily). Now picture it with a piece of paper taped to it. The paper has the words “Duckface Jar” written on it in purple ink. Did I capture it for you? I mean, I think I got the basic imagery down. Now every time Trent makes the duck face at me he has to put candies/monies in the jar, and trade it for hugs, or I get to keep the candy/money. Turns out he is way more willing to hug me than I thought! So I should’ve thought of something lamer to put in the jar. Like lint balls or Hamburger Helper.

Here’s a sweet pic of Trent tho (Trent, this is your shout-out, obvs):

bless his heart. 

I think I need to go pack a box now. 

Solidarity: I’ll probably go eat some chocolate and take a nap instead. 

Oh yeah, it’s almost 8pm. Definitely taking a nap.

Over and out.