it took way too much effort to make this 6 minute video and I'm not even doing a makeup tutorial

I made this for you, Liz. And all 5 of my followers. Bless. The "effort" part I am referring to is the "getting the video from my phone to my computer." Granted, I did get distracted by another cat video, so that tacked some time onto it. ANYhow.

Couldn't figure out how to make it huge on here so just click the "YouTube" icon and you can watch it FULL-SCREEN! Yaaaa technology!

this is coming from a girl who just ate two cookies and is about to go for a run

I was walking to my car this morning, wearing my hoodie like I always do, but this time I really did need that blue hooded sweatshirt. And I realized that, quite suddenly, fall is here. I blinked and summer was gone. Oh, summer. You were kind of a (insert swear word here). 

Yesterday in the temple, I felt overwhelmed--really, that is not hyperbole--with Heavenly Father's love for me. It's not loud and it doesn't ever really surprise me. It's this comforting feeling, ever-present (if I'm looking for it), and it doesn't ever change. So, listen to me, all of you girls or boys who think nobody loves you.

You're wrong.

The same person who created the Swiss Alps and the vast oceans and the Redwood trees and the endless galaxies--He made you, too. And He loves you the most. Got it? I can't reach through this computer screen and shake all of your respective shoulders, but pretend like I am....just humor me for one second please.

I am now going to demonstrate how to get through hellacious weeks like this last one was. Because we all suffer through those days every once in awhile...maybe more than once in awhile. Maybe every day is hard for you. P.S. It's not a sin to be sad. More on that later. Or here, if you want. But sometimes the sad gets to be too much for one human heart to hold. We weren't created to be sorrowful all the time....but if Satan can, he will make you feel like that's just the way it is for you. Your life sucks. So deal with it. 

I'm sorry, but Satan is a real jerk. And we all (errybody currently living on this planet, and other planets too, if I'm being technical) have the power to "crush his head," metaphorically speaking, since he doesn't have a head. Ha. 

One of the ways I "crush his head" (gosh, it's really fulfilling to use that phrase in relation to Public Enemy Numero Uno) is to run. I talked about this a little bit when I ran my race earlier in the summer, but yeah....using those bodies of ours for good is a really awesome (and healthy, two birds with one stone, heck yes) way to stick it to Lucifer. Running is my favorite because it clears my head, and challenges me, and reminds me that I am tough, and I can do hard things, even when I sometimes really don't think I can, or want to. Hellooooo run-on sentence. 

So I started to run again, because I'm running another half (don't wanna talk about it right now), and also because sometimes the insanity of my day-to-day life is too much for my idle body to take. I have to, quite literally, run away from my demons. Good news is: my demons aren't long distance runners. They can't keep up with me. *insert thumbs up emoji here*

The second thing I have started to do is move towards those really freaky, really uncomfortable goals of mine, which have long been in the back of my mind but I have yet to do anything about them, simply because I'm skeered out of my britches. Another great word: britches. Anyhow, I just thought,
"Hey. Why don't I just see what happens if I try this out?" And you know what happened? Immediate peace and joy. Serious. It was immediate. Rumi said "When you feel a peaceful joy, that's when you are near truth.” We all know that to be straight-up, because Rumi said it, and if someone named Rumi hit you with his car you'd probably still forgive him. His license plate would probably say 'OMMMM" and that's all. You think?

Another thing you can do is stop worrying. This is easier said than done, Chancho. I am a Professional Grade A Worrywart. I have Melatonin spray by my bed, if that helps support my claim. I mean. (BT-Dubz, melatnonin spray produces the most awful and crazy dreams, so unless you're Desperado like me don't use it PLZ). But the way you do this is to let go of what you have no control over. Just let it go! Release those ashes into the wind. Tie an anchor to them and drop them into the ocean. You aren't a coat rack. Don't let other people hang their problems onto you. Don't hang useless problems onto yourself. It's just not worth it. Now I say unto you, let it go.

How about a happy list to take us out? (This happy list is ONLY pictures, for all of you whose eyeballs are currently falling out because of all the text written above, SORRYIMNOTSORRY).

from le other blog (cept for the last two pics yay)

It's Friiiiiiiiday. Go watch Mother's Nature's light show tonight and make your future grandbabies proud (but only if you're in the northern USA, sry)

shtuff my little siblings say

Many moons ago, when I was a wee 17 year old, I had a section of my journal that I dedicated solely to the things my little broski and sister said. Because somebody had to be the Keeper of the Blackmail in our family, and I figured it might as well be me.

Some excerpts are taken from my mama's old blog, and told in her voice. Rrreeady and letzgo.

Caleb's Greatest Hits
A couple weeks ago, I picked him up from Aaronic Priesthood meetings, and he said to me, very matter-of-fact, "Kenzie, you're like the only hipster in our family. You like...have swag." I don't think he even knows what swag means, but. Okay. 

Caleb, texting me: "So are you dating Tinder now?"
Me: "Huh? Oh, Tinder isn't a person."
Caleb: "But your Instagram said something about Tinder."
Me: "Tinder is just an app that tells you what single people are in your area."
Caleb: "Oh yeah. I'm getting to that age."
Me: "You're way too young for Tinder, bucko."

Caleb, during scripture study: So God knows everything?
Dad: Yes, everything.
Caleb: So then He must've memorized the Gettysburg Address!

Caleb: So we could inherit everything God has?
Dad: Yes, everything.
Cal: So even God's fancy cars??!

In 2009
Mom: Cal, what college do you want to go to?
Caleb: The same college McKenzie is going to.
Dad: What if you could go to Harvard or Columbia in NYC on a scholarship?
Cal (thinking about it): Yeah! Then I'd live close to Pennsylvania so I could get some of those big soft pretzels!

(The following story is told from my mom's point of view, after my parents let the kids watch a particularly terrifying episode of Planet Earth. A.K.A. animals eating other animals. Wolves, to be exact)

"Caleb has been fixated on the topic of wolves ever since. When Caleb gets focused it is near impossible to pry his little mind off of a topic.

Every day since then Scott and I have entertained not a few conversations on the subject.
Here are a few of my favorites to date.

Upon hitting his head on a bench at school last week he declared to his father. "The back of my head feels funny. Like a wolf bite."

And yet another....
"Mom, what if wolves came into our house?" To which I replied,"Cal there are no wolves in this area."
"They live in Utah mom!"
"They live further north of here."
"But what if they did?"
"The only reason a wolf would get all the way down to our neighborhood would be if he was hungry and couldn't find any food between here and were he lives hundreds of miles away."
"What if he was hungry?"
Me (getting a little exasperated): "Cal the only way a wolf could come in our door is if we let him in. If I can manage to keep our dog out of the house I think I can keep a wolf out."
"But wolves are stronger than our dog."
Sigh. "Honey, that is just so unlikely. I am 42 years old and I have never known anyone who had a wolf come into their house."
"I bet grandpa knows someone who did."

And tonight's was a highlight as well. Caleb had a soda he had picked up at the school carnival on Friday which he was saving. After opening it up and taking a sip he exclaimed, "This Sprite is very spritey! I don't like it!" 

I replied, "Yeah, soda has carbonation in it and that's what makes it so fizzy. I don't like it much either."

"Mom, what if you poured Sprite down a wolves' mouth?"
"I don't know Cal what if?" (Scott has started laughing. I am not laughing. I have had perhaps 50 versions of this conversation and the humor is lost on me)
To which Caleb replied, "If you made a wolf drink Sprite would it kill him? You know the carbonation?"
"I don't know son. I don't think anyone has tried to give a wolf Sprite."

Caleb, whilst riding in the car: What the heck, Ellie! (but he didn't say heck)
Parents: Cal, heck is a swear word. 
Caleb: Oh. Well can I say 'sweet sister Francis' then?

Ellie: "Zack says he's gonna marry me when I grow up."
Mom:" He did ?!"
Ellie: "Yeah, he says when I get big we're getting married."
Caleb:"When I get big I want a yellow Mustang. How much will that cost me?"
Dad: "About $32,000"
Cal:"Can I start working for you and Mom so I can have enough money to buy my car now? I am tired of going in the slow lane."
Dad:" Cal, how old do you have to be to drive a car?' 
Cal: "16. Well, if you guys pay me for doing extra chores I could have enough." 
Mom:"Son we would have to give you over $3,000 a year for you to make enough." 
Cal:"Well, can you please start doing that?" 
Mom: "No." 
Cal:"I want to start a lemonade stand tomorrow. Can you and Dad buy me some lemonade so I can sell it?"

Ellie's Filterless Mind
Ellie, 2 weeks ago (no context...but then again I never get context): "Kenzie, I can't believe you're not butter."

Ellie: "Mom. If you put a rubber band in your mouth what will happen?"
Mom: "You might choke."
Ellie: "Yeah, and then I would go to sleep."
Mom: "No you wouldn't go to sleep, but you might stop breathing and then you could die."
Ellie: "Jesus died"
Me: "Yes, but he didn't choke on a rubber-band."
Ellie: "Yeah, Jesus knows how to eat good food."

(As told by my mom) Once when doing the laundry Ellie asked me what a certain article of clothing was. I explained that it was for women. She concluded that this meant that the article itself was in-fact called "A Woman" and that you wear it on "your Womans." [Writer's Sidenote: my dad only furthered this delusion by also calling them "Womans"]. Sunday I took the kids over to the young-adult ward to hear their dad speak. We sat next to McKenzie. In the middle of his talk Ellie exclaimed "Your womans are HUGE!" I consoled my eldest daughter by telling her that no one else knows what Ellie means. Until now. Sorry.

A few months ago, at the breakfast table:
Cal: Kenzie, did you have a boyfriend once?
Ellie: Yeah, did you?
Me: Umm yes.
Caleb: do you have one now?
Me: no.
Ellie: but you've had one before?! is he your EX boyfriend now?
Me: can we change the subject?
Ellie: have you ever talked to a hippopotamus before?

Ellie: Do you have an imaginary friend?
Me: No...do you?
Ellie: Yeah. She calls herself Rosa Parks.

Ellie, to moi: When you get married I'm totally going to take your bedroom. [pause] So get a date!

Ellie: Could a zero-year-old do karate?
Caleb: With God's power!

Me: The remote is over here if you want it.
Ellie: Thank you for saving my life.

Ellie: Mom's favorite ride at Disneyland is the one with the pirates.
Me: That's my favorite too!
Ellie: Wanna know what my favorite ride is? "The Hug Kenzie Ride."

Ellie, in family prayer while I was away at school: ...And please bless Kenzie not to get drunk. Or be rude to people.
Mom: Um....Ellie?
Ellie, opening one eye: Well, just in case!

Friday, April 10, 2009. 7:40 a.m.

Ellie: Why is it Easter?

Mom: Because Jesus died and then he came out of the tomb

Ellie: Yeah. Because somebody zapped him.

Mom: What? Did you say zapped him?

Ellie: Yeah, zapped him. Bibbity, bobbity, boo!

(When Ellie was 5 years old; as told by my mom): Yesterday morning I walked through the door after an early temple session. Ellie was waiting for me on the other side. She said,"Mom! Where did you go?" I said,"To the temple." She said,"Was Jesus there?" I said,"Yes." and then she she dropped to her knees, gave a trademark scowl of disappointment and said, "OH! I wanted to see Jesus!"

And, for the finale, a story Ellie wrote about Griffey, our dog, when she was a baby (still is...but, you know):

fall is upon us

I posted this on the internetz last year and some girl said she was getting a tattoo of it. HA. /end tangent

Errybody's like "IT'S SEPTEMBER FIRST YOU ANIMALS." And yeah, maybe loving fall is a "blogger cliche" or whatever, but I'm willing to give up my reputation as a non-normal-blogger and just say, on the record, that fall is that thing for me.

Every year when September first comes, it's preceded by a week or so of that bone chill, that gets right down into your sneakers and makes you think "Huh. Maybe I should start wearing hoodies...?" So you do. And then by 3pm you're melting out of your skin. Too excited. I fell for it, too. I wore a sweater two weeks ago because it was raining when I woke up. And when I got home the sweater went right back into hibernation.

This weekend I drove, drove, drove, right past the second star to the right if you know what I'm saying. And pretty soon I was in the Cache Valley National Forest (for those of you not privy to Utah-speak, Cache is pronounced like the monies). Just the drive there smacked me upside the head with FALL. IT IS FALL, everyone. My grandma told me "nature knows what season it is." I mean, yes. But her corn has already shriveled up. It knows. The mountains are turning over now.

You know fall has a smell, right? The smell of decay and burning and orange sky. That smell. It's my childhood. We would run down the streets by our house until the sun dipped just below the horizon line, the shadows turning into warped shapes and creepy ghouls if we wanted them to (we always wanted them to). Liz and I read and re-read "The Witches." Everybody in our vicinity became a witch. I pulled the worn-down books about haunted things off the bookshelf. We had books about haunted things! That is no hyperbole.

Now all I want to do is take my bike, Topanga, and ride around campus. Being on campus in the fall is one of the best things. I always get jealous (!) of every student everywhere when fall begins. If anyone wants to buy me a new notebook and pencil I will love you for thinking of me in this trying time. Ha. If you see me lurking in the BYU library, plz come say hi. Next year I will join you there as a student. And I probably won't be as poetic about school as I'm being now. 2 years without schooling DOES things to you, man.

Last fall was downright beautiful. For the books! But I was depressed. I was in a funk, which lasted clear 'til this summer. I'm glad that I went through everything I did, though. It made me stronger (I hope). That's right--I can bench 200 lbs now! Alright. JK. But you know what I'm saying. This fall will be a little different; just as beautiful, though.

And now, some autumn-y pictures to take us out.

“October Country . . . that country where it is always turning late in the year. That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and mid-nights stay. That country composed in the main of cellars, sub-cellars, coal-bins, closets, attics, and pantries faced away from the sun. That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts. Whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain. . . .” 
― Ray Bradbury, The October Country

Aaand just for funzies: last year's Labor Day post, having nothing whatsoever to do with fall. I can keep it real. Yes I can.

(everyone on the internet on September 30th, 11:59pm)

(everyone on the internet on October 1st)