I smish I may, I smish I might

This was my ornament circa 1995. FROSTY THE SNOWMAN IN A SWING. Was I the envy of every kid on the block? No.

In approximately one week and 11-ish hours, I will have yet another birthday. And it will be 2016. Yuck!

To celebrate, I have conjured up some alternate names for "The Year 2015." Y'all ready for this?! (*Space Jam song should be playing somewhere nearby, at least that's what I rigged this post to do for all of you)

The Year McKenzie Cried Every Time She Saw a Baby Animal And/Or Looked At Her Bank Account.

visual aid 1: when I see a comma in my bank account 

The Year McKenzie Lost Her Water Bottle On the Tracks of the London Underground & That Was the #1 Story She Told Everyone About Europe. A Frapping Water Bottle.

The Year McKenzie Dumped Salt On Everything, Even Pizza. Hey, Do You Guys Hear That? That Silence? It's the Sound of My Heart Stopping. 

The Year McKenzie Learned to Do a Headstand On One of the Most Horrible Days On Record, and Then Followed That One Headstand With Fifty, And Then Got a Migraine, Punctuating That Most Horrible Day With A Migraine, Great. 

The Year McKenzie Learned The Difference Between Heartburn and Bubble Guts, JK She Already Knew This, She Just (Accidentally) Tested It By Ingesting Way Too Much Orange Juice.

The Year At Least Five Strangers Told McKenzie Her Calf Muscles Were *Quote  "Nice" *Close Quote*

And now, for the 2015 Stats Report, since you all obviously care (you're still reading this, aren't you?)

• Number of times puked: four
• Number of times puked while 20,000 feet up in the air: four (what do you know!)
• Number of hoodies purchased: not telling
• Number of cats I hugged but received no love in return: wait I don't want to talk about this
• Number of new friends made via the internet/horrible hikes: like FIFTY and I love you all, MUAH!
• Number of times I made fun of Nicolas Cage: probably 12 million. And then someone would send me one of THESE almost immediately (they haunt me and it's karma and I know it): 

visual aid 2: someone has to stop this. right now. stop right now.

• Number of times re-downloaded/then deleted/then downloaded Tinder again while Hello Darkness, My Old Friend played in the background: three (but never again, plz)
• Number of chocolate chips consumed: probably a wagonload

IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE, NERDS! This morning I was throwing away a bunch of empty garbage bags and Ellie snatched them from my hand and said "No! We could use these to play Baby Jesus in our nativity!" Bags? A pile of garbage bags????