This is a picture of me one month and four days before I met Houston. I was feeling real depressed about my current state of affairs....or lack thereof? Hence my puffy eyes, from crying a lot.
Logan was getting colder, I was not sleeping, grading papers was hard, why was I here?? I had felt so right about the whole shindig, and then nothing seemed to make sense after I moved my whole life up north. It was just too hard. I had not expected to feel so alone.
Now, it would have been nice if an angel, or probably my Great Grandma Ruth (because I think she and I are very much alike), had come down to visit me on November 14th, 2015, and said "Everything is going to be freaking o-KAY McKenzie. Cry a little bit, but then wipe your eyes so you can see what's coming next..."
And maybe IF she had done that, I would've been able to endure a little bit more gracefully. And maybe she did, in her own way, and I didn't notice at the time, but the point is, I got to the end of that semester and then I met Houston. It was only a time span of two months.
I recently made a really tough decision regarding my job, and I made what I think is the right choice (based on the extremely unsettled feeling I had about the alternative option). Well, my life hasn't turned around since then. In fact, there have been quiiiite a few times where I have questioned my decision, or just looked back at myself to say "Uh, what were you thinking? Why did you do that?"
It basically comes down to faith--not faith that you will see the miracle, but faith that you might not. At least not yet. And that is the hardest kind of faith, at least for me.
It's so hard to squeeze your eyes shut and kinda jump over the cliff towards an unknown. Looking at this photo was like a gentle love tap from above, as if my heavenly parents were saying "We know you better than you know yourself. Trust us trust us trust us trust us."
So I will. I'll probably still have to do it with one eye open, though.
No comments:
Post a Comment