I just tried to get up from the couch and I couldn't

we're related.

That thing I wrote as the title= the absolute pinnacle of vegetating.

Yeah, it's a word. I just looked it up on thesaurus dot com because I wanted a different word for what I've been doing, to make it sound better. But you know what, the internet gave me "vegetating," and gently patted my hand as if to say, "There is no better word for that. Sorry, bud."

Today I finished my last two papers, and so I think I'm going to go for a run. YES. I'M GOING TO GO OUTSIDE. My skin might incinerate before I get past the front lawn, but whatever. At least then I won't have to think about starting my thesis soon. Yeah, summer break doesn't mean that much when you in grad school. I wish I could stop talking about grad school on this blog. Us too, you're all thinking. Don't worry, I know. I know.

OTHER ITEMS OF BIDNEZ:

Houston wants papaya for his birthday. That's it. He said "If I ask everyone for papaya, I know I'll get a lot of it. And then...I'll have papaya."
Me: "......."

PAPAYA. Kaitlyn Bothwell, if you're reading this, you're making the same face I made when he told me this. The same fruit we had to tell Mexicans we were allergic to so they'd stop giving it to us for breakfast. Oh well. I'll get him papaya (whoops, don't tell him) (Houston pretend you didn't read this), because he doesn't block me when I send him texts like this:

My parents have a puppy two puppies. Look, see. What else do you come here for? I really can't say.

this is Pip. a picture of her sister is forthcoming. 

There's this scene in Eddie the Eagle when Christopher Walken walks in (no, stop with the DAD jokes, gosh) (yes I am talking to myself right now) to a locker room and it's just such a weird scene, but anyway, it's supposed to be serious, because he picks up Hugh Jackman's skiing book with ol' Chris Walken's face on it, and Chris Walken says, "Nice book you got there. Need me to sign it?" Meanwhile everybody in the locker room is just staring at what must be the Most Inappropriately Timed Autograph Signing Of All Time (in their towels). I think it's supposed to be a really poignant scene but it's not, and everybody in the movie theater probably wanted to assassinate me and Houston because we couldn't stop laughing. Disclaimer: I almost assassinated myself just now trying to spell "assassinate."

That feeling of trying to keep yourself from laughing which instead just makes you laugh more is just like the feeling you get when you're done with your first year of grad school. You're like "K, I'm gonna relax for a bit now, maybe take a nap or go inhale or maybe--MAYBE I will venture to the faraway land of Smith's." But pretty soon you trying to do other things just makes you wonder if you should, in fact, have this much free time on your hands, so you make a huge mistake. You check your email. And what should you find there but an email from a student, long after their final papers were due.

"Hi, so last night when I turned in my paper my internet must've cut out RIGHT when I turned in the paper, so can I turn it in now?" (twelve hours later).

Me:

Why did I check my email? I should've pretended that inboxes didn't exist. Idjit!

You silly girl. Inboxes won't stop existing until you're laying horizontal in your coffin. But probably not even then. Sigh. Shoot, is it laying or lying or laiding or ladling goshDANGIT I have been writing and grading for nine straight months please send help.

Just recently (five minutes ago, just so you know how credible I am) I was browsing the Pinterest when I saw this Steve Jobs quote again, which I'm sure many well-meaning hipsters have nailed to their walls by now:

and then I was like:

C'mon Steve. You're not fooling anyone.

That concludes today's meaningless blog post. Thanks for reading and also I am sorry. 

reasons not to ______ (a comprehensive list)

REASONS NOT TO TELL YOUR STUDENTS THAT YOU'VE CRIED RECENTLY:

They'll ask you how you're doing with really concerned looks on their faces the next time they see you on campus.

I just started to hand them copies of this article:

HASHTAG GRAD SCHOOL

REASONS NOT TO PAY IN CASH AT THE GROCERY STORE EVER:

When the cashier is giving you back coins and you're holding your bag at the same time so you try to take the coins but they fall to the ground and the line is backing up and they hand you your receipt at the same time so suddenly there's this paper you've gotta grab onto and you burst into flames and descend into hell.

~*time to update my status*~

REASONS NOT TO OVERANALYZE HOW YOU TEXT:

You start purposely de-capitalizing words or using bad grammar so you don't sound as smart...

that's called pretentious dishevelment, my friends

REASONS NOT TO MAKE YOUR WEDDING INTO A HASHTAG:

Someday those hashtags will become unrealistic. More realistic hashtags:

#HeyDidYouGrabTheMilk

#NoNotCowsMilk

#YouKnowICantEatDairy

#WeHaveBeenMarriedForTenYears

#IAmLactoseIntolerantDangit

#DidYouAtLeastGetBananas

#NOBANANAS?!

#WeNeedToGoToTherapy

REASONS NOT TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAIRS WHILE WALKING DOWN THEM:

Simple. Because other people (me) will try to go around you a million times because you're also the kind of person that walks slowly, and you keep swinging your hips in such a way that makes it impossible for me to pass you because you're RIGHT in the middle of the stairs goshdangit that guy had the most swingy hips and he wouldn't get out of the middle of the stairwell. sigh.

                   

REASONS NOT TO SHAVE IN APRIL:

Because we live in Utah.

AND WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT, REASONS NOT TO MAKE YOUR FB STATUS ABOUT THE WEATHER:

Talk about literally any other subject please, even your pyramid scheme parties (I can't believe I said that) because everyONE talks about the weather when it's just being the weather: unpredictable. Yes. Sometimes it snows in the spring because WE LIVE IN UTAH/IDAHO/PLACES WHERE IT REGULARLY SNOWS okay this is all I am never saying more about this again please.

Lizzie McGuire=the weather channel. Facebook be takin' its bidnez.

REASONS NOT TO WALK OUT THE DOOR THAT SOMEBODY IS ENTERING THROUGH

This happened to me the other day when I was walking to class. I opened the door to the building and as I was walking through it, somebody on the other side was like "whoops, just gonna slip in through here, heheh" so I just had to jump out of the way before we grazed each other.

REASONS NOT TO USE YOUR BLOG FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT PETTY THINGS:

There are none.

That's lit'rally what blogs were invented for. And:

On that note, remind me to never do this again.

I've got 99 problems but a Houston ain't one

• His love for Tandoori Oven is unmatched. One week he went three times (I counted). 
• He has trouble getting off couches "cuz they're so comfy." Like literally he can't get up. I usually give him a push, but sometimes I just watch him struggle. 
• He points with three fingers instead of one.
• He taught me that the word "caucus" is also a verb. this is how the conversation went.
• him: are you caucusing on tuesday?
• me: you mean voting?
• him: no caucus is a verb.
• me: no it's not.
• him: you know, to caucus, caucaulogy (that is NOT a word), the study of caucusing? it's first grade, McKenzie.
• me: -_- 
• If there's a weird old man in a movie we're watching he says "I aspire to be that man." there's weird old men in practically every movie we watch. I'm not joking.
• He consumes more peach lemonade and/or Sobe water than there are Lakes in Michigan (probably).
• If you don't laugh at his jokes right away he emits one small, tiny chuckle like three seconds later. Kinda like when you want more likes on an old Facebook post, so you comment on it and then it shows up on your friend's feeds and they like it. I call it the "last chance laugh." 
• The first time he gave me a gift (it was his favorite book), I responded by saying "You know I've already read this, right?" Smooth. 
• If he's at the end of a podcast (literally just the closing music) but you call him, he'll ignore the call just so he can listen to the closing music.
• He gets push notifications on his phone for the NBA and CNN. I get push notifications for ASOS and Pinterest. Oh, how the turntables.
• He's so ticklish you just have to point your finger in his general direction and he'll flinch.
• *coming to a realization about fashion* "Wait, your shoes do matter." 
• He knows the quickest and surest way to get me to roll my eyes all the way back into my skull is to start a sentence with "Well, I'm from Ogden, so....."
• After I basically did a somersault on the sidewalk to avoid getting dive-bombed by a bird, he said "You and I both know I'm the sane one." 
• The other night we were driving back from Nibley and he swerved to avoid crushing a cup in the road. A PLASTIC CUP.
• He drove me all the way to Bear Lake on a school night because I'd never been and I wanted to look at the stars. They didn't disappoint. 
• He leaves food on my porch all the time. 

burning stuff

a place you can go if you want to dropkick fear into outer space

I wrote a poem last week. The first line said, "Before you burn something you have to say its name." I think I need to talk about this some more, and what I mean by "this" is that four letter word we all know pretty well by now. Fear. Before we let go of something that's been eating us alive, we have to acknowledge our attachment to it. Yeah, humans love fear. They love it. It's a frappin' disease.

This morning I woke up to see that one of my dear friends had posted a picture of Belgium. At first I thought it was kind of random, I mean I knew she had gone on her mission there but why post it now? She'd been back for a few years. Then I scrolled further down the page. For some reason, this time struck me differently than all the other times--like this realization that we're dealing with a really, really evil adversary right now. Satan is dead set on this whole enmity thing. But I'm not gonna let him win, not today.

I sat in my bed for awhile and I cried. Like, really cried. It was so weird and rare (ha!). I think the combination of what had happened + some people's commentary on it was already so frustrating to me. Because the main message of society/the internet/whoever wants attention at the moment (Trump, I'm talking to you) was this: be afraid. It's going to happen to us next. Let's round up all the people who could be associated with this and get rid of them. Let's hole up in our houses and never leave. Let's bully people into submission. Yes, let's. That sounds like a great solution.

I want to be very clear: fear will get you absolutely nowhere. This is an eternal truth I have learned by experience, but if you haven't gotten there yet, fear not! Here's some scriptures to back it up:

1st Nephi (basically the entire book) *emphasis added
1st Nephi 4:6-7 "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do....nevertheless I went forth."
1st Nephi 12:23 "...after they had dwindled in unbelief [a symptom of fear=staying put], they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations."
1st Nephi 17:3 "And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness." (they were in one place, but moving forward despite not knowing the future)
Helaman 5:34 "they were immovable because of the fear which did come upon them..."
Alma 12:10 "...he that will harden his heart, the same receiveth the lesser portion of the word..."
Matthew 14:3-31 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he [Peter] was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?"

We all know what the opposite of fear is! Faith. But faith is dang hard to execute. Trust me, I know. I cannot tell you how many times in just the last five years of my life that Heavenly Father nudged me to do something that was totally ridiculous to me (at the time). Exhibit A: grad school. But I finally learned (through many heartbreaking lessons) it was easier to just move forward instead of sitting still in fear. And it was so much more rewarding. Faith is like that, you know.

"Just as doubt, despair, and desensitization go together, so do faith, hope, and charity. The latter, however, must be carefully and constantly nurtured, whereas despair, like dandelions, needs so little encouragement to sprout and spread. Despair comes so naturally to the natural man!” Neal A. Maxwell, one of my favorites ever, said that, and it's true. Why do we love despair so much? Why?? Why do we hold onto its skirts and let it drag us through the mud? Is it exhilarating? Maybe for a second. I guess you do feel like you're moving somewhere, even if it's an imaginary somewhere that you've only made up so you have someplace for your doubt to land. 

If there's something making you stew with fear right now, pray for help to overcome that. I know you can--that's part of the enabling power of the Atonement. The Savior makes it possible to overcome the insurmountable--like living in a world that deals with the kind of news we got today on a regular basis. 

So if you're reading this right now, today, and you're about to do it--don't. Don't succumb to fear--stick it in the fire. 

It's a dirty pirate, anyway. And it takes no prisoners.

greatitude

Gratitude is great, and sometimes it just kind of hits you upside the head, like "HEY! STOP COMPLAINING ALREADY."

And so, even though the first day back from spring break greeted us with a nasty cold front, I have so much more good stuff to write about than the weather. Honestly, the weather? Yawn.

1. I got a raise. I got a raise! It's still weird to me that I can write sentences like that. Adult sentences. About full-time jobs. Full-time jobs teaching kids how to write papers. If you had told me when I was 17 that someday I'd be saying stuff like this, I would've given you this look:

2. Those little guacamole packs from Wal-Mart. They saved me recently on a thuper long road trip. I know that by saying "thuper" I totally negated the first thing on my list. Whaterver.

3. Even though the lack of spring is a bummer, it means I can still wear sweaters. My summer wardrobe is really not cute. At all. Why am I writing this?

4. I have the nicest friends and family. And I admire them more than Kanye admires his own reflection.

5. THE DESERET INDUSTRIES BLESS THIS ESTABLISHMENT 5EVER. I have never been so high after a shopping trip than after I leave the D.I. in Logan. It's just so...gosh. Remind me to write a poem about it someday. 

6. Freddie Prinze Jr. (the neighbor's cat)--on days when I feel like nobody is paying attention to me, this cat is. And honestly, sometimes it's a little creepy the way he sees me from across the street and comes running.

7. my institute class. Before this semester, I didn't know a lot about the Pearl of Great Price. Confession: I thought it was a part of the Doctrine and Covenants???? So imagine my surprise when on the first day, our teacher said, "You guys picked the shortest book of scripture! Only 60-something pages!" I was like "Wait, is the D&C really that short?" And then I opened my scriptures. Doy. But anyway, in case you were wondering, the Pearl of Great Price is all about God's love for His Children. Check it out.

8. that dumb face swap app on Snapchat. Certain people think it's horrible *cough* Houston *cough* but IT'S NOT. Anytime I make a new masterpiece I kinda cringe a little but then I laugh and then I cringe some more. Who thought of this? 

WHY HOW IS ANYTHING ON THAT PAPER A FACE.

honestly.

9. Speaking of Houston! Houston. If you're reading this, I'm grateful for you, too. Even your dad jokes. 

                                       

10. Bachelor Recaps. This one is golden, in case you're in the mood to craugh (no previous experience with the show is necessary)

11. THIS SALAD I MADE UP THE OTHER DAY. Can't stop won't stop eating it.

recipe here

12. Going on walks around Logan. Logan is chock full of old houses like this one:

13. I won a writing contest held by the school! Third place up against my fellow grad-mates, who I am so #blessed to be associated with. I just ended a sentence with a preposition. TAKE AWAY MY TITLE. HURRY, DO IT.

So glad my students do not know about this blog. Add that to the blessings list. 

♫hellloo from the other siiiide, I like potatoes that are friiiiieed♫

It's me!!! I'm alive. Fresh out the womb...of...spring break. Well. I'm never going to say that again.

Say what again, McKenzie?

Womb. Or "fresh out." In the same sentence together.

Speaking of Spring Break, let's take a moment of silence for it, yeah? BYU schools don't get spring breaks, and that's why Heavenly Father led me to USU. Probably.

p.s. half these pics have already showed up on other social media platforms (haha, what a dumb phrase), but...well, I actually don't have an excuse for this. I thought I would think of one while I was writing the sentence but it didn't come. Anyways.

FLAGSTAFF. Flagstaff, Flagstaff, Flahfsgsftaffffff. Luh you.

When we first got out of the shuttle and looked down it was really overwhelming

BUT IN A GOOD WAY

We left the trail for .5 seconds to take this pic #sorrymom

You think it's dumb that I'm wearing a hoodie AND a denim vest but it wasn't warm

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

oh and then the storm clouds came and I just wanted to hug the Grand Canyon even though it's not possible at all

my hair looked so good with the GC color palette

this is very corny and I know it

YEAH CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE IT

blorp

we went into that hole in the ground (again, #sorrymom)

these hikers don't even have face 

we underestimated how long the walk to the lava caves was (it was 9.5 miles) (HAHA)

bonus pic for the people who are still reading this.

you're like, wow what a great reward.

That's all I have for now. In approximately one month I'll be done with school and I know my brain will be mush. So I'll see you then.

♫on the ooother siiiiiide♫

IS IT NOT WINTER YET

The club cannot even handle me right now.

Every time the temperature sneaks up into the 40's and I peel off my winter coat, the snow comes back the next day and emotionally dropkicks me into outer space. ENOUGH. My hammock is actually starting to gather dUST?! So I've actually started to shave my legs again, as if to make some kind of unspoken deal with the weather.

me: "Ok, I will shave my legs--AND my kneecaps--if you promise to stop snowing. Please."
weather guy in space: "LOL NAH but good luck keeping your legs warm now that they're naked like mole rats HAHA"

SIgh.

The semester is already kinda half over, which is vry bizarre. Last semester seemed to drag on and on like Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. But I guess this just proves that whole "if you've already been there, it goes faster" theory. You know how when you go on road trips and the getting to the destination always feels longer than coming home, because when you come back you've already seen everything? #deeperthanblackholes

Picture dump time, because I have nothing else to say right now. Come back later. Maybe when the sun comes out my brain will get reactivated.

haha yeah right.

This was  taken a month ago when I was still enjoying winter. 

same house, different season

 you can't see but there's a weird statue of Groot on the porch (all year round)

Hello NcKenzie is my name (at a dating fireside which was rly good)

nothing makes me look more pale than red lipstick WINTER

At one point during this hike, Houston took some random shortcut "trail" which was actually not a trail at all and I said "You are dead to me now" like 50 times while trying to get up this hill covered in snow thx Houston but really THANKS cuz the view was gr8

We spend vry much time and not vry much money at the D.I. (but rally this D.I. is like the Taj Mahal of Deserets Industriez)